The Heart of John: A Ramones Fic
by mjforever
Summary: Angela Black and Johnny Ramone of the band The Ramones start off meeting in a very unusual way one night at a concert. From then on, things get interesting for the both of them, and nothing is ever the same. Rated M. DISCLAIMER: I own nothing!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One- The Beginning

The year was 1982. I remember it like it was yesterday...

_About 20 years ago..._

. . .

"Angela, hurry up, we're going to miss the concert."

I put the finishing touches on my makeup, then put on my earrings. "I'm coming, I'm coming, don't rush me. It's not like we're gonna be late for the concert."

"Well, if we don't get out of here now, we wont make it in time, and I'm dying to see Joey," said Mayra. "You know how long I've waited for this."

"Calm down, I'm done. Let's go."

Me and the rest of the girls screamed and jumped into the car outside. We listened to the Ramones all the way there.

"Oh, I just cant wait to see Joey!" Mayra squealed. "I just love the way he sings into the microphone leaning over like that. I've waited my whole damn life for them to come to Baltimore!"

"Me too!" My other friend Ann said. "Dee Dee is just adorable!"

Everyone in the car booed her, and she playfully waved them off. "Angela, what about you?"

Here came the moment of truth. I didn't know if I wanted to tell my friends who I desired the most in the band. What if they made fun of me for it? "I...uh...I don't think-"

"Come on, just say it."

I exhaled. "Okay...I like Johnny."

Everyone gasped in the car.

"You like...him?" Mayra yelled out. "What's so great about Johnny?"

I suddenly got a little angry. "What do you mean by that? He's probably one of the best guitarists in the world, not to mention he's hot. Why wouldn't I like him?"

"Angela, you do realize that Johnny Ramone is a complete control freak?", my other friend Jessica said. "He's such an asshole."

I shrugged. "Maybe you guys just don't understand him the way I do."

"Girl, you've never even met the man before. How could you possibly think that he's nice?" Mayra said.

"Well, how can you possibly think that he's mean? You don't know him either."

"Look guys, lets just forget about this. Lets all have a good time tonight, okay?" Ann said.

"Yeah, you're right," I said. "We're here to have fun, right? So lets do that."

The limo pulled up to the theater. My heart raced! I was going to see the Ramones in action! This was seriously the best day of my life. When we got inside, there were already tons of other fans. Alot of them had their shirts off already and the concert hadn't even started. I was really surprised. The announcer then came to the mic. "Okay, alright guys. Settle down." He cleared his throat. "The Ramones will be out in two minutes, so settle down."

Everyone screamed and threw random things in the air. My heart was beating faster. I looked around and realized I couldn't find my friends anymore. I also found myself somewhere in the front row. How the hell did that happen?

"Ladies and gentlemen: We present...The Ramones!"

Wait...they were coming out? I was actually about to see them? The crowd went crazy, and I found myself screaming too. Then, like magic, it happened...Joey came out to the stage. I heard girls screaming out his name loudly. I could have sworn I heard Mayra the loudest though. Joey was really tall and lanky as he stood behind the microphone. Marky walked out after him and took his position at the drums. Then Johnny walked out with his gleaming guitar, and I sighed pleasurably at the sight of him. To me, he was the most beautiful man I'd ever looked at. He stood next to Joey and positioned his guitar. Then there was Dee Dee. He walked out and waved to the fans, then took his position too.

"Good evenin' folks," Joey said into the microphone. "How's everybody doin' today?"

The crowd screamed. I laughed when I saw Joey laugh at the audience's reaction.

"We hope you have a good show tonight. Dee Dee my man, start us off!"

In a flash, Dee Dee yelled his signature "1,2,3,4!" and they started off with their song "Blitzkrieg Bop", one of my favorite songs by them. I sang the lyrics with Joey. I didn't think that it had completely set in my mind yet that I was actually at a Ramones concert, in the front row. Joey looked like a _giant_ standing in front of me, and Johnny wasn't that far from where I was standing. I wished I could get myself closer to him some kind of way. I decided to try to move. With alot of pushing and shoving, I eventually got right in front of him. Just looking at him made me start licking my lips. He was gorgeous!

The next song that they played was "Go Mental". I liked that song too. The crowd was beginning to get restless and wild. People were throwing things and themselves everywhere. My arm actually ended up getting hurt in the process. The security guards were really busy with trying to settle people down, and people were shouting inaudible things...I think they were high or something. In all honesty, I was beginning to get scared. It was my first concert, so I wasn't quite used to it. The noise, the wildness of the fans made me a bit uncomfortable, and I wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation. Should I leave? No! I'd waited for years for the Ramones to come play here, I wasn't actually going to leave. No way. But the noise was getting to me, and I actually ended up climbing onto the stage, and slipped on a wire. I fell, and my leg ached. That hurt.

I looked up to see that I was on the side of the stage, and in front of my were a pair of worn out sneakers. I followed those sneakers up to the owners legs. Then the black leather jacket, and finally the face. That long, bowl haircut and bright green eyes stared into my soul that night. Johnny Ramone strummed his guitar while looking at me gawk at him like the dummy that I was. Was I dreaming? Was I really in his presence at that moment? I had to have been dreaming. I wasn't even here.

"You alright?" He asked me, yelling over the noise, and still playing his guitar. I was speechless. I couldn't move, couldn't speak...he spoke to me! He actually spoke to me! What was I supposed to say? Should I have said something to him? Anything? My mind was racing with questions, and my heart was just about ready to pop out of my chest and crawl right into Johnny's palm. He smirked a little. God, that smirk of his...it got to me everytime, so easily. My eyes, that entire time, stayed on Johnny. There were obviously other people everywhere, but he was truly the only one that I saw, that I wanted to see. Was it bad? I stayed sitting on the stage, surprisingly unseen by the security guards. How did they not see me sitting there, gazing at one of God's most successful creations, Johnny Ramone? How could they not?

And so, for the rest of the concert, for about three hours straight, I sat in that position, just watching Johnny strum vigorously at his guitar. The fierce, stern looks that formed on his face made me want to bite his neck lightly, seductively. I loved the way Johnny bit his mouth as he played, and the sweat that was drenching his hair. My girl parts tingled with desire, yet I stayed put until the end of the show. His eyes were so fierce and burned an inner fire that I could see clearly...

The concert had five more minutes until it ended, and I stayed in my spot on the side of the stage. Johnny was getting tired, I could see it in his strumming...it was slower, more reserved, but still just as great. The band played one final song, which was "Judy Is A Punk", then Joey shook his head, his long black hair whirling back and forth.

"Thank you everybody, and good night!" His voice was raspy and breathless from singing so much. Another concert well done, boys. The moment Marky got up from his drum set, my heart began beating faster, because they were leaving. I didn't want them to. I wanted them to stay. I wanted Johnny to stay...he removed his guitar from over his head and held it up beside him. I sighed, he was so strong...

Then suddenly, the most amazing thing happened. Johnny walked up to me. He leaned his mouth to my ear and whispered, "Why don't you meet me backstage?"

He straightened himself up and simply walked off the stage, leaving me sitting back there in pure awe. I didn't even know if the security guards would let me back there, but what the hell? People didn't get this kind of opportunity everyday. In that moment, I'd forgotten all about my friends, about everything, because I was only focused on one thing...seeing Johnny backstage. He'd always been my favorite member, since two years ago. I saw him on TV doing a live interview with Joey and the rest of them. It was the first time I'd seen something so beautiful. Those green eyes tugged at my heart, and from then on, I just couldn't let go. I was never able to since then.

"Hey! Get out of the way!" An angry fan popped me out of my flashback.

"Oh, sorry." The guy pushed past me to the exit. Why did people have to be so mean these days? But I'd forgotten about that incident in a flash when I remembered Johnny's words to me. He wanted me backstage, but what for? What could I possibly provide for him? Was it because I sat on the side of the stage as he played? What was it? I wasn't very pretty, so it couldn't be because I was attractive and he wanted to sleep with me...I had no idea what he could want, but maybe he just wanted to meet me, I didn't know.

I worked my way through the crowd, shoving insensitive, adrenaline-filled souls past me. I saw from a distance the back exit from a place where the group performed. There was one security guard there, but he wasn't very big, and he seemed to be distracted by another person. So as quietly as I could, I snuck past him. I walked down the hallway, somehow unnoticed. Finally, I came to a door with the band name on it. This had to be where Johnny was. He was right behind this door. From inside, I could hear Joey talking, but it was hard to make out the words...

_Should I...? Will Johnny want me here?_

A million questions went in my head. I almost chickened out and walked the other way, but I thought of those green eyes...that long hair, and I realized that it was right now or never. I knocked lightly on the door at first, but noone answered.

I knocked again, louder this time, and inside the room, everything grew quiet...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The click of the door sounded, and a long, pale hand opened the door, the face of Marky staring dead at me. He had a cigarette in his mouth, and a beer bottle in his other hand, which was almost empty. Marky was a bit awkward, I think.

"Hey, uh...ya want somethin'?" He took a swig of beer.

"Hi Mark, um...well...my name's Angela and, well I-I'm a fan of you guys. Real big fan, actually. You guys, uh, were great tonight."

Marky chuckled. He had a cute smile. "Thanks, glad to hear that. We'll be movin' on to D.C. tomorrow afternoon, but we're actually packing up and goin' to a motel soon, so uh...you gotta scat. Sorry hun."

"Oh. Well...you see, I don't know if you noticed but..." I chuckled to ease the uncomfortableness that I felt. I didn't know Mark would be so direct. Jesus..."...I was actually right on the edge of the stage and...well, you know, I was right by Johnny, and he asked me after the show was over to meet him here."

Marky's eyes widened. "Did he?" He turned his face into the room. "'Ey, John!"

"Yeah."

"There's a girl here to see ya." He turned his attention to me again. "Sorry, sweetie. He'll be here in a sec, 'kay?" His attitude changed once I mentioned Johnny. That was cool. That was real cool.

"Yeah Mark, what-...oh." Johnny had come to the door and saw me standing there outside. He smiled. "Oh, hey. How're ya doin' babe?"

They both sounded exactly the same. I swear, it was that damn New York accent of theirs. It was kind of funny to observe, actually.

Johnny was dressed in a black tank top and jeans. Suddenly, in those five seconds, it seemed as if my ability to speak was gone. I tried saying something, but some weird sound came out. I just don't know what happened. I was talking perfectly fine with Marky, but then this gorgeous bastard Johnny had to come out and wreck everything. God, I hated him for this. I hated being so attracted to him...

I tried talking again. "I...well, I'm really sorry if-...I don't wanna be a bother or nothing-"

"Hey, hey, no. You're fine." Johnny waved his hand to gesture me inside the room. My heart pounded with excitement. "Come on in."

I walked in the room, the smell of beer, sweat and drugs filling the air. It wasn't the ideal scent of the room I was looking for, but I shouldn't have expected anything less from a punk band. I think the drugs were coming from Dee Dee, who was chugging a beer on a couch and staring at the ceiling. Joey was talking to one of the managers or whatever they were. Marky walked over to Dee Dee and sat next to him.

"Who's that, John?"

Johnny turned around when Dee Dee called him. "A fan of ours," he said and chuckled. I turned my attention to the couch. "Hi Dee Dee."

"Hello," Dee Dee said cutely. I always found him really adorable out of the whole group. "How are ya sweetie?"

"I'm good. You look tired." I laughed.

"Well, when you're performing, it makes ya real tired. It's crazy, we've...we've been on this tour, and we've gotta get somewhere else soon, it's...god, its crazy." He shook his head.

"Yeah, I can imagine."

Joey walked over to me after talking with the other guy. "Well hello there."

"Hey, Joey. You guys were amazing out there! I was in the front row."

"Yep, I saw ya. Nice of you to support us."

I blushed at his words. I always liked Johnny the most, but I had kind of a small crush on Joey too. "It's nothing, really."

I turned around and noticed Johnny wasn't there. "Where's Johnny?"

"Oh, he probably went to get everything ready for the tour van." I noticed his attitude changed when I mentioned Johnny. I already knew that there was some kind of tension between those two, but I didn't know why. Maybe I didn't want to...nah, I was curious. I did want to know. But there was no way I'd ask Joey Ramone that question. "You guys are leaving already?"

"Yeah, we're going to a motel in about ten minutes, so we're packing to leave."

"Oh, right right. Marky told me earlier." If there was some way I could go with them, god knew I would...I saw Johnny walk back into the room, flexing his skinny arms.

"Alright, that's everything," he said and sat on the couch across from Dee Dee. "Everything's ready. We'll be outta here in ten minutes."

My heart nearly came out of my chest. "Hi, Johnny."

"Hey, come over here."

I turned back around to Joey. "Well, I guess I'll talk to you later."

"Alright, later darlin'."

I went and sat next to Johnny. He smelled like sweat and beer, just like the rest of them. I didn't mind it too much, though.

"Hey Mark, hand me a beer," he said then coughed. Marky walked over to him with a cold beer bottle. "Thanks. So, what's your name, sweetie?"

I blushed. "Angela," I said shyly.

"Cool." He took a couple of gulps from his beer. "Nice name."

I laughed. "Thanks."

"So, I...uh, couldn't help but notice that you got on the stage."

Oh no, he still remembered that? "Well, actually, I was trying to get away from that crowd. They were getting kinda-"

"Yeah, I saw. Rough fans," he said and chuckled. "But 'ey, that's why ya guys are the best, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I seriously thought I was gonna die though if I stayed in that spot in the front row. People push too damn much. I was suffocating!"

"I was surprised ya didn't, actually. And how the fuck did security not see you? That's fuckin'...that's bizarre."

"Yeah, I was thinking the same. It's weird."

"Well, anyways, it doesn't matter. how old are ya?"

"Nineteen."

Johnny choked on his beer. "Fuck, you're young." He laughed. "Damn."

"How old are _you_?"

Johnny shrugged. "Not tellin' ya."

"Aw, come on, no fair! I told you my age." I smiled.

"I'm turning 33 tomorrow."

"Oh, so your birthdays tomorrow. Cool." I still felt like I was dreaming here. Was I going to wake up soon? If this was a dream, I hoped I stayed sleeping. Johnny Ramone, one of the most awesome guitarists ever, and my celebrity crush, sat before me drinking and talking with me calm as a night sky.

"So, you from around here?" he asked.

"Yeah. I live about fifteen minutes from this arena."

"Ah."

"Let's go, guys." It was Marky's voice. "Time to go."

I was sad. Such a short visit. I wanted more... "Well, it was nice meeting you-"

"Now wait a second." Johnny interrupted me. "Who said you can't come _with_ us?"

I looked at him, and my face lit up. Maybe a little too much. "Really? You mean that?"

"Sure, come on with us. You can sit next to me if you want." He winked at me.

Okay, yes I was dreaming. This couldn't have been happening. All of this was just a figment of my imagination. We walked outside, Johnny's arm over my shoulder. When I got in the van, I discovered a couple of girls in there. I guessed they were lucky too, just like me.

The ride to the motel didn't take too long, but the entire time, Joey was French kissing one of the girls, Dee Dee was sniffing crack, and Johnny had his hands on my legs. His huge, rough hands...

We got to the motel, and came pouring out the van, excited to get upstairs and party. I was never this happy before in my life. My parents pretty much kept me away from society when I was younger, so I took every chance i got to be wild. Be myself. I took one night just to be free from the grip of my mom and dad, and look what good things were coming out of that. I could be bored and alone in my room, but instead, it was midnight, and Johnny Ramone had his dirty little hands all over me. Guess I wasn't as innocent as I thought...

We all took the elevator to the top floor, which was pretty high up. I felt like Nancy Spungen. I was this dirty whore who was all over Johnny, and I didn't care. I loved the attention. Maybe if I was really lucky, Johnny would hammer me...no, what was I, stupid? He wouldn't do that...would he?

Dee Dee burst the door open, and we ran in and started jumping on the beds. Never rent a motel room to a bunch of punks like us. We'd only fuck it up.

The clock read 1:30 after a while, and everyone was nowhere near tired. In fact, Joey and whoever his girl was gave everyone a live sex show. It was a bit unethical, but eh, who cared, really?

I sat on a couch with Johnny drinking a vodka straight from the bottle. I thought I'd get sick to my stomach by now, but I seemed perfectly fine, and so was he.

"You're very pretty," he suddenly said. He reached his hands over to touch my hair. I tensed. "What, you don't like affection?"

I laughed. "I love it, just wasn't expecting it from you."

"Why not?"

I smiled. "Just stop talking and put your fucking hands on me, John."

He laughed, wrapped his fingers in mine, then started kissing my neck.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The clock read 2:48. All of the groupies had gone home, and only the members were left. Johnny and I were talking and still sitting on the couch, Joey and Marky were on the other side of the room laughing and discussing last night's show, and poor little Dee Dee was so exhausted that he was asleep on the bed in fetal position. It was a bit weird though because he was smiling. No one smiled in their sleep...well, so I thought.

"So, shouldn't you all be getting some rest? You've gotta leave in the morning," I said.

"Nah," Johnny said and smiled. "I'd rather stay up with you. I really wish you could come with us to D.C. but ya know our tour manager Monty, he doesn't want any girls on the road 'cause it might distract us."

"I promise I'll be quiet the whole time. I wont say a word, not even if I'm hungry."

He looked at me, then laughed. "You're so cute."

I blushed. "No I'm not."

"You're only saying that so I'll say it again." He raised his eyebrows. I loved Johnny's eyebrows, seriously. I wished I could see them more, but his damn hair was always blocking them. It was too long in the front.

"You should cut your hair a bit in the front."

"Why? I like it this way," he said and touched his own hair.

"Because it blocks your eyebrows, and even your eyes a little bit. It makes you look like you're upset all the time. Not to mention you can break out in pimples easier like that."

Johnny chuckled. "I don't ever get pimples. I don't know why, must be genetics or somethin'."

I shrugged. "Could be." I pushed the hair in front of his forehead backwards so that I could look at his eyebrows.

"You like my eyebrows?"

"Yeah, your eyes too. It's like...when I look into them, I feel really happy."

He was just leaning in to kiss my lips when we both heard Dee Dee start to laugh in his sleep. Everyone, including us, got completely quiet and stared at him.

"Aw ma, you know I don't like that on my hotdogs..." He turned over on the bed and cuddled up again. "No, gimme some...some mayonnaise..."

"Dude, shut the fuck up!" Johnny shouted. "You sound like a creep."

Dee Dee, startled, woke up and looked around.

"Aw John, why'd ya wake him?" Joey said. This was probably the first time I'd seen him speak to Johnny the whole night. "Just leave him be."

"Fuck you, Jew boy. Don't tell me what to do."

My eyes widened...did he just call Joey...?

"Okay, look John. Just stop." It was Marky this time. "That's not cool, man."

"You think I give a fuck?" He stood up from the couch.

This wasn't the Johnny Ramone that I knew. What was happening? Why was he being so mean all of a sudden? And _prejudiced_? Maybe this was what my friends were warning me about. I think this was why they thought he was an asshole. "Johnny!" He kept his gaze on Joey and Marky.

"You know what? I feel sorry for you, man," said Joey. "'Cause all ya can do is insult me, but that's 'cause you're really mad at yourself. You're mad because your dad never loved you, and you take it out on everything-"

"Fuck you! You don't know me, you don't know my life. Fuck owf! 'Kay? Just _fuck owf_!"

This was beginning to get crazy. "Um, guys, I think it's best if I left now, okay?"

Johnny turned his head to me. "No, Angela. You're staying here. Don't go anywhere." He pointed to the couch.

I was pleasantly surprised at the fact that Johnny wanted me to stay, but I didn't want to cause any trouble here.

"Look at ya. Now you're so pissed you wanna keep that poor girl hostage. She has nothing to do with any of this," Joey said.

"Go fuck yourself, Hyman," Johnny said. "You know you're just saying that 'cause of Linda."

Joey's eyes widened. He said nothing, just walked out the room and slammed the door behind him.

"John, that's ENOUGH!" It was me this time. I was furious, and I was tired of this stupid argument. "Look everyone, I don't know what this is about, but it's going to stop tonight! I have no idea who Linda is or anything like that, but John..." I looked at Johnny, who looked back at me with apologetic eyes. "Leave Joey alone. Just leave him alone."

He nodded. "Alright, fine."

Marky sighed and walked out the door, calling Joey's name.

"Seriously Johnny. What's with you and Joey hating eachother? And why did you point out the fact that he was Jewish in that way? You do realize that it's racist, right?"

He shrugged. "I don't care about him."

"Why not? Did he do something to you?"

"No. I just don't like him. Damn liberal..."

"Ah, so you and him don't agree politically."

"No, it's just...I don't know! Look. Can we not talk about this anymore?"

I sighed. "Alright fine." It was awkward silence for a long time. I tried thinking of things to talk with him about, but Johnny was still pretty heated from that argument, and I didn't know how to calm him down, even though it was pretty much all his fault. So for the next twenty minutes, we sat in silence and watched Dee Dee fall back asleep and snore. I didn't even think he knew what the hell was going on, he was dazing in and out. Apparently heroin makes you sleepy...Johnny was biting his fingers and staring out the window. I just sat there on the couch and stared at him. Something deeper than him and Joey was going on here. It's like he was a time bomb, just waiting to explode. It was something internal that Johnny was going through. I wanted to find out what that was, but it wouldn't be tonight. I was only here for physical pleasure, nothing more.

"John, don't worry about it. Just come over here with me. You might feel better."

"Okay." He walked towards me. Dee Dee was asleep, and everyone else was out of the room...we looked at each other, a deep desire in both our eyes...and that was it. That was the moment where the magic entered the room and came between us. Nothing else mattered...


	4. Chapter 4

**WARNING: Some of the content in this next chapter is EXTREMELY graphic. If you aren't into this kind of stuff, I suggest you not read it until the next chapter after this is posted. You probably wont miss that much. However, if you dare, go on ahead and read this one ;)**

Chapter Four

I was ready for this. I felt it in my heart. This wasn't exactly the way I pictured it, but I definitely pictured it with Johnny, so I guess that was all that mattered. After this, I will know what true ecstasy is like. I will know...We both got up from the couch. He pushed me into a separate room within the room we were already in, then locked it. We were both completely alone now, and hungry. But not for food...

Johnny switched on the light, and by natural impulse, I drew myself closer to him. That was the moment both our lips touched that entire night. His mouth was like sweet flower petals. Mine were probably all dry and rough. His wet tongue swept all inside my mouth, almost choking me with his saliva. Mmm, Johnny's saliva...

"Baby, get your spit all over me," I whispered as he kissed me. "Oh god, yeah..." His hands went lower on my torso. He placed his hands on my buttocks, squeezing it through my tight jeans. I placed my hands on his hair and ran them through it without me realizing it until seconds later. This sure wasn't enough for me, not at this point. I had reached my pinnacle of sexual desire. Translation, I was _insanely_ horny. I needed him on me, inside me. I wanted all of it now.

"John," I said against his lips. I didn't have to say anything else but his name. That word alone was enough for him. In that same moment, he began taking off his black tank top, his bare chest showing. Johnny was extremely hairy. Jesus lord...

He helped me take off my shirt. I still had my brazier on, though. I hastily tore off my jeans and my underwear. He did the same. I turned around so he could help me with taking off my brazier. He slid it off me, then tossed it somewhere in the room. I'd have to find it later on. I never showed a guy my full body before, but of course, I never had a reason to. Obviously, this was a different circumstance. I felt so calm as Johnny's eyes gazed over me. I grabbed his hand and led him to the bed.

Johnny began by massaging my breasts. He moved them back and forth as I moaned the entire time. Then he lowered his head and sucked each of my nipples delicately, nibbling them a little, but not enough for it to hurt. Next, he took his large hands and forced me to move my legs further and further from eachother. He took his index finger and inserted it into my small vagina. Nothing had ever gone in there before. I never even masturbated, so I was pretty scared. I had no idea what he was doing.

"Johnny," I moaned out to him. "I'm scared. I don't know what this is..."

"I'm getting you wet down there. So when I penetrate you, it wont hurt as much. It'd be easier if we had lubrication though, but this'll have to do." He Inserted his finger deeper, and I squealed out of slight pain. "I'm sorry. This isnt supposed to hurt."

"It's alright, its not your fault. I'm too much of a sensitive wuss."

Johnny continued until it didn't hurt anymore. In fact, I barely felt anything. When he took his finger out, it was wet with my vaginal juices. He put his finger in his mouth and sucked on it. "Oh, that's delicious." He rammed his head in between my legs and the next thing I knew, his tongue took a nice field trip around my hole, licking me everywhere. I had to admit, that felt amazing. I didn't want him to stop, but he did.

"Lay your head back," he said. I did. Then, that was when it happened. I screamed unbelievably loud. Someone from the outside could've thought I was getting murdered, or was about to be. Johnny hushed me gently. "I know, I know...it's alright, Angela. It's alright, babe."

I barely heard him through all the noise I was making. I knew he was trying his hardest to calm me down, but god the pain...I didn't think I'd experienced something so damn painful in my life. Nothing compared to this. "JESUS! Ah, Jesus Christ!"

"I'm sorry, Angela. I know it hurts."

After about five minutes, the pain subsided, and I calmed down, panting for air so much that it looked like I'd give out any second. But I wasn't, I was alright.

"You okay?" he asked me. I nodded.

"I'm fine." Tears came down my face that I didn't know I cried out. Johnny wiped my tears away. He was really a gentleman at heart.

"I'll take it slow on ya, 'k?" He kissed my forehead, then moved back and forth, alomst in a rhythmic beat. About ten minutes passed, and Johnny's facial expressions began to change. He looked more concentrated. I moaned as he moved faster, but then it was his turn.

"Oh, god...I feel it."

"Feel what, John?"

"Oh, man. Oh man here it comes." He sighed. "I'm gonna come." He took himself out of me and shoved his penis into my mouth, then squirted a crap load of salty, delicious, white liquid all the way down my throat. "You like that, Angela?"

"Mhm." I sucked his dick for a while, letting his juices flow into me.

"That's right, baby. Betcha no man can do this for ya..."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

_The Next Morning..._

Sunlight from the window hit my face, waking me up. What the hell happened last night? Where was I? My thoughts were interrupted by the throbbing between my legs, and then I remembered...I remembered everything. I knew where I was again. It all came to me now.

I lifted myself from the bed. My body was aching like crazy! It hurt to move any muscles. "Ow, ow, ow..." I waddled myself to the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the clean mirror. God, I looked terrible. I felt the dirty smudge of my makeup. The mascara had run all the way down my face from all the tears I shed last night when Johnny...

Ever since last night, I felt like a different person now. I wasn't too much of a fangirl anymore, or a groupie, really. That's kind of what I was last night, whether or not I was willing to admit such a thing. But honestly...I saw Johnny as just another man.

A special one to me, but just as normal. He'd quieted, killed the obsessive part of me last night, which I was glad for. I needed that awakening. Johnny was human, yes, but...he was a Ramone! And I lost my virginity to him last night. That was a pretty big deal to me. I could only imagine what my friends would say if I told them. Should I? Any last remains of feeling like a little girl left me completely, and I'd never feel that way again. I was a woman now.

I walked over to the bedroom to see him still asleep. He honestly looked very sweet. He was lying stomach up, his hair (for once) out of his face. I could see his fierce brown eyebrows that I adored so much. His mouth was slightly open, and his chest was halfway visible under the covers. I still couldn't fathom how hairy he was. His chest hair reminded me of the night before, and I smiled. Johnny was a pretty quiet sleeper, I noticed. He didn't make a sound.

I went over to the side of the bed, and sat by him, just watching him. Call me a stalker or whatever you will, but it was a nice thing to look at. After all those times of watching him through a television screen and playing live, always seeing him while he was active and _awake_...it was really nice to see him asleep. He looked so peaceful, like nothing in the world could disturb him. I couldn't help but to sigh at him and smile. Johnny was so pretty. He was so so beautiful. It seemed as if I were the only person in the world (other than his mom) who felt this way...everyone else felt a bit differently than I did. I think the way he was around others was only his outside shell, an act. The poor man was suffering, I could see it all in his eyes. He suffered daily, holding up the personality that everyone knew him by. He had to be rude, he had to be obnoxious, impolite...it was what grew on him, and it was what people were used to seeing. _Johnny Ramone. Ah, yes. Quite an asshole of a guy._

I played with some strands of his hair as he slept. I don't think he felt a thing. I began humming softly and touched his cheek. Underneath everything, he was a good guy, just very misguided. No one was born evil, and Johnny certainly wasn't. He was just a man with too much pride than he should have had, that's all.

A soft moan. He was waking up..."Good morning, sleepyhead." I chuckled.

Johnny swallowed, his adam's apple moving vigorously. Could he ever do one thing without turning me on? Damn, it was fucking annoying what he did to me. "Hey, Angie." He squinted his eyes once, then opened them slowly. Once he looked me in the eyes, he smiled. "Oh man, you're such a beauty to look at."

I blushed. "Not really. I'm no Brooke Shields."

He looked confused and sat up. "Who's that?"

I laughed. "Nah, forget it. She's this celebrity, but...yeah. Anyways, how did you sleep?"

Johnny yawned. "Pretty good. I'm hungry though."

"I can run out to a store and buy some food-"

"No, no. It's alright. I've got some granola bars in our tour van." He pulled the covers off him. "And I hid 'em, so Mark can't eat them again. Stupid shithead..."

"Hey, that's mean. Don't call Marky that." I waved my index finger at him like his mother would (or wouldn't).

Johnny laughed, his beautiful teeth showing. "Whaaat? He always eats them. Then I'm left to starve the whole ride." He stopped smiling, and looked down at the floor.

I walked up to him. "Everything alright, John?"

He shrugged and drew me closer to him, putting my head on his chest. "I uh...just wish you could come with me. I'll miss you."

I looked up at him. His green eyes tore me apart. "Me too. I wish you could stay with me forever..."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

There was a loud knocking on the door that startled us and made us jump. "John, get that girl outta here. We're leavin' soon." It was Marky's voice.

Wow, not even a "good morning". Men these days...John sucked his teeth. "Fuck," he whispered. "Alright, alright, I hear ya." He let go of me and picked up his clothes from the floor. I looked for mine also, which were literally scattered everywhere. I was beginning to feel a tightness in my heart. Johnny was leaving, I'd never see him again. This was it. I felt like killing myself...

After I got dressed, I picked up his black tanktop and gave it to him. "Here you go."

"Thanks." He half-smiled, then took it from me and put it on. "What time is it..."

I looked at my watch. "9:24. What time you guys gotta leave?"

"Probably real soon, like in ten or fifteen minutes. God, I fuckin' hate touring..." He put on his socks and shoes, then sat down on the bed, not saying another word.

The tones in our voices were quieter this morning. Perhaps it was the sadness we both felt. I might have been a bit more sad than he was, but then again, I didn't know. Johnny did have a way of hiding how he was really feeling. If anything, he appeared to be in contemplation, but not really sad. I hoped with everything I had that he felt the pain that I was starting to feel. Did he feel like dying like I did?

In one entire night, my feelings for Johnny morphed from wild, excessive admiration to being madly in love with him. I'd always thought I loved him even before we met, but I definitely knew now that what I felt before was never anything close to loving him. But my heart ached now. It bled terribly with sorrow. This was what love, real _true _love now did to me. And I hated it. I hated the bittersweet taste that it left on my tongue. It was an ugly, desperate feeling. "Johnny."

He looked up from the bed. "Hm?"

"Listen...you cant forget me, alright? Promise me you wont. I'll never forget you. Never." Ah, shit. I felt my tears welling up. I swallowed them back down. I wasn't going to start bawling in front of him. He already had enough crying from me last night...I needed to be strong. "I'm glad I got to meet you and the rest of the group. You guys are my favorite band, and you always will be-"

"Angela, will ya quit fuckin' around and just tell me what you really wanna say?" His eyes were sincere. He wanted the truth, and I wasn't telling it.

I opened my mouth, but I was interrupted by another loud knocking again. "Johnny, let's go, dude. We gotta get to D.C. by this afternoon. Come on, no more screwin' around."

"Yeah, Monty. I'm comin' okay?"

The unfamiliar voice faded. "Jesus, I don't know why he's takin' so damn long..."

I blurted everything out in that moment. "I wish you didn't have to fucking leave, man! You know how much I need you." I couldn't hold back anymore. Tears ran down my cheeks and I began sniffling. "John, I...I hate that we haven't got to spend that much time together. You know, I'm so attached to you now. It's not fair." I wiped my face. "Ah, whatever, I'm being a big baby. Don't mind me, I'm just being an obsessive slut."

Johnny's face was very serious. "No, no I don't think you are. I think you're just in love, that's all."

My entire body froze and I was covered in shock. I didn't want him to figure that out.

"_D__o_ you love me?" he asked.

I gave out a long sigh. "Yeah." I shrugged. "It don't matter, though."

"Yeah it does."

"Why?"

"'Cause I uh..." He pushed some of his long hair back. "I think I might love you."

He must've been lying. Was he serious?

"Ya know, in the short time I've got to meet you and know you, I've just never felt this way with any other girl. You make me feel special, like you care about me, ya know?"

"Do I really?"

He nodded. This was probably the most sincere I've ever seen Johnny be. It was a bit freaky because I wasn't used to it. If only the rest of the guys could see him like this more often... "Yeah, definitely. I promise I'll think of you all the time. I'll miss you alot."

"Me too, John. I guess you wont come back to Baltimore for a while, huh?"

"I honestly have no idea. Maybe I will one day when I have time. But the Ramones are gonna be pretty busy for a while. We're gonna be working on a new album soon, and that's gonna take a while...it's just a lot to deal with."

"I understand. Try to come back when you can, alright?" I grabbed my purse from the floor and fished for a pencil and ripped a piece of paper from a small notepad I carried around with me. Then I wrote down my phone number. "Here. That's for you."

"I'll try to call as often as I can, 'kay?" He took the paper and stuffed it into his pocket. He walked over to the door and opened it. He reached out for my hand and I took it. I really wanted to die...

We walked into the hallway, where managers were busy bringing things into the huge elevator. Joey spotted me and hugged me. "Nice meetin' ya, girl."

I chuckled. "You too, have fun in D.C."

He smiled, then walked into the elevator. Dee Dee walked by me and waved. Marky gave a short nod and smiled. Monty, the tour manager walked in with the rest of them. They faced us. "You comin'?" he asked Johnny.

"Just gimme a minute. I'll be down shortly."

The elevator closed, and it was him and I alone again in the hallway.

"Oh, come here." Johnny grabbed my waist and hugged me tightly. I held onto him. I wished I could have stayed that way forever. "I love you."

Those words took me by surprise. "You mean it?"

"Yes I do. I wont forget you."

For the next several seconds, we kissed passionately. His large, warm hands cupped my face and I held mine onto the sides of his neck. He gave me one final peck on the lips, then pressed the down button for the elevator, and got inside.

I didn't see Johnny for another two years after that...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

_"Tell me you love me..." I said as Johnny ran his hands through my hair._

_He kissed me. "I love you Angela. I love you so much."_

_Everything around me was unreal. All I saw was him, but then all of a sudden, we were behind a stage somewhere, and there was crowd that appeared with thousands of people. Where did all these people come from? They chanted his name, and Dee Dee came._

_"Come on, John! We got a show to do!"_

_Oh no...this was a nightmare I was re-living. "No, John, please don't leave me again. Please don't go."_

_He sighed. "I'm sorry." He let go of my hands and walked off onto the stage. Everything became a black screen..._

. . .

I woke up with a jolt. My bedroom was dark. Damn, I slept the whole day again. This was my life now. I was bored. I was sad. I was angry. ALL THE TIME. Without Johnny, I felt empty. It was surprising that I didn't commit suicide yet.

A knocking on my door snapped me out of my thoughts. "Who is it..." I slurred groggily.

"You can't keep doing this." It was my mother. She was checking on me again. "You gotta come out that room, honey. We're all worried about you."

I didn't answer. What was I supposed to say? There was no energy within me to produce words anyway. Being in my house was jail, except it was my choice. In a real jail, you had no choice, but I was in control here. I _wanted_ to put myself in pain. I liked to be in my mental solitary confinement.

My mother sighed from outside the door. "Look, will you at least eat something, please? You're getting too thin."

I buried my face into my pillow and tried to ignore her, even though she was right. I hadn't eaten regularly for a year now, ever since...

My stomach suddenly grumbled, but I refused to eat. I forced myself to go back to sleep, but then my door opened, and my mother was at my side. "Angela, that's enough! What's gotten into you? Ever since you went to that Ramones concert last year, you've been extremely miserable...did you get into a fight with Mayra?"

"Just leave me alone. I'm fine."

"Sweetheart, I really think you should come out of here. It's not healthy to be in your room all the time. You know, you don't go anywhere, you're always crying...this is just too much. Tell me what's wrong."

I jolted from my bed. "Mom, I'm fine! Okay? I'm fine."

"No you're not! You need to see a therapist so you can get this stuff of your mind-"

"I don't need anything. I just need one thing but," I felt my voice crack and tears blurred my vision. "But, he's never coming back." I began sobbing. _Again._ For the 50th time that day.

My mother was suddenly silent. "Ah, I see what's going on here. This is a guy problem, isn't it?"

I sighed heavily and got up from my bed, walking over to the window to open the curtain. I looked outside at all of the heavy traffic. Good ole Baltimore, home of overly excessive pollution and rude fucking people. I looked off into the sky, wishing I had wings. I could at least fly away from all of this toxicity. "I don't really wanna talk about it."

"I think you should. It's good to just get it out of you."

I wiped my tears. "Maybe some other time. I'll eat something."

"Alright." She got up from the bed and walked towards the door. "Don't be long."

I rolled my eyes at my despair and slid to the floor in agony. What life was I living? And why was I living it this way? Oh, right. Because of...him. I wondered what he was doing right now, if he thought of me often. He didn't call since we last saw each other. It's been a year since I gave him my phone number. Why didn't he call me? He must have forgot all about me. I didn't think he meant anything he said anymore. But...the way he told me he loved me was so _real._ It didn't sound like he was lying at all. Then again, he could have been acting...actually, no. Johnny was a horrible actor. He always said what he felt. So then, why didn't he call?

I walked out to the kitchen and grabbed my plate of food, then grabbed a forkful of pasta and stuffed it into my mouth, but I gagged it back up. Every time I tried eating something, it would make me sick to my stomach. Goddamn, how much longer could I go on living this way, in pure misery? How much longer before I gave up completely on life?_ You have to keep holding on. You cant let this get the best of you..._

My conscience was right. But I just wanted to die...what was wrong with me? How could I get so distraught over a celebrity? I mean, sure he was a member of my favorite band, but damn! He wasn't that important. Johnny Ramone meant nothing to me...didn't he? No...I couldn't go on lying to myself, it would get me nowhere. I loved him, even though it seemed like something unfathomable. It seemed like a childish dream, an imaginary escapism...god, I was really hopeless. My night with him was just a one night thing. I shouldn't have expected it to continue on from there. Hell, I was lucky enough that I even got to go to that concert in the first place, after fighting with my parents for hours about it. They thought listening to the Ramones were a waste of time. Whatever.

After failing miserably with trying to eat dinner, I gave up and went back into my room, shielding myself from the harsh world. A world that hurt me bad. I couldn't even function properly like a normal human being now. All I ever thought about was him and the day I'd see him again. If I ever did...all my Ramones records collected dust on top of my dresser. I hadn't listened to any of them since the concert. In fact, I refused to listen to any music. Music itself reminded me of him, because I knew how important it was to him. So, I spent my days in silent bliss. All I had left to my name were the thoughts that gathered in my mind of his guitar playing...and the last time he stared into the core of my heart with those striking green eyes of his. I only had memories. Guess they'll have to do for now until I think of a better solution to this...


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

_**March 15th, 1984**_

_**Dear Journal,**_

_**I know it's been a while since I've written, Ive been quite busy...well, not exactly. I've spent a while not really doing anything. You may be confused as to why that is. Well...see, two years ago, I went to this Ramones concert and...well, I've already explained to you who my favorite member was. Johnny. Well, I actually met him after the show was over! I know! I could hardly believe it. We got to know each other better more into the night and things got REALLY intense. I found out how much I was in love with him. Okay, now this is big...I actually ended up having sex with him. Yes! I lost my virginity to him. How fucking cool is that? I can't believe I lost it to Johnny Ramone. I NEVER thought it would happen, but it did. It hurt a lot when we did it, but I got over the pain soon after. I honestly really feel more like a woman now. It feels good to know who I had sex with. **_

_**Now...there's something else that happened. Considering the fact that Johnny's a musician and part of this big group, they were on tour, and I couldn't come with them because no girls were allowed. I guess the tour manager thought I'd distract Johnny or something. So, yeah Johnny had to leave me behind. I was really hurt by it. I wished he could've stayed with me, but that's something that never could have happened. It's been two years now that he left me, and he still hasn't called me yet. I gave him my number. I miss him so much, sometimes I cry just thinking of his face. I miss the way he held me, the way he talked, looked at me, laughed. EVERYTHING. Without him next to me, it feels like I have nothing to live for. I guess some days I can cope with it better than others, but it's still really hard. I really loved him. I loved him more than myself! I need John here with me. I need him to mend my broken heart. Because believe me, it was broken even way before we'd met...I guess that's it for now. I don't feel like writing anymore. Goodbye for now.**_

_**-Angela Black**_

I put my journal away and sat still on my bed, my knees curved into my chest. Writing made me feel a little better, but nothing would really cure this pain that I felt. I had a habit of re-reading my entries, but I couldn't read this new one over. It'd only remind me of why I felt crappy. Two years...Jesus...two years, and I still hadn't got a call from him. No telegraph, no postcard, letter...nothing! Did he hate me? Maybe the night we slept together he was just confused about what he wanted, and even maybe the morning after. Ah, what am I saying? He loves me! Johnny said so...didn't he mean it?

Okay, this just wasn't healthy. If I kept thinking about it then I'd soon go crazy. I sighed and went to the refrigerator to grab something to eat. This was sad. I was twenty-one years old and still lived in my mom's house AND had no job. It finally hit me that I was wasting my life in my house and not living it to the fullest. I needed to get out in the world, meet new people and just be happy. And maybe if I was lucky, I'd find a nice boyfriend who cares about me. I had to do anything but mope around. I just couldn't do this anymore. So I grabbed an apple from the fridge, picked up this morning's newspaper and looked for a job. It was time to move on with my life and stop this foolishness.

After a few weeks, I began to get my old self back, although it hurt sometimes. I thought about Johnny less and less each day, and my new job wasn't that great, but at least I was making some money. Things were going pretty alright so far. I was finally living life for me, and not someone else. I even started the process of listening to my Ramones records again. I'd finally come to the conclusion that meeting Johnny was just me being lucky. I could be lucky sometimes, and having what I had with him was something no other girl could ever discuss (without lying, that is), but it was something that I shouldn't get too excited over.

One day, I decided to be active again and take a run in the park. It was nearing spring, so the weather was getting warmer. I hadn't run in such a while, it felt really good to. It was amazing! When I ran, I never had any worries or problems. I felt like I could reach the sky-

I saw Mayra sitting by the lake and went up to her. "Hey, May."

Her face expressed shock. "Angela? Girl, how long has it been since you've been outside?"

"Oh, it's been a while I admit."

"You never called to hang out. Are you alright?"

I sighed, thinking of him again..."I think I'm going to be."

My life was turning out alright. Then one week later...


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"Goodnight, Ms. Black! And happy birthday." My manager waved to me and smiled.

"Thanks. See you Monday."

I got in my new car and sped off towards my house. This week was exhausting. Sales, all day everyday. But hey, at least I was getting paid. That's all I cared about really. My car was too silent, so I turned on the radio.

"_And tonight, we have a single by the Ramones! This one's called 'Do You Wanna Dance' from their 1982 album 'Road To Ruin'. Enjoy folks."_

My heart skipped a beat. I loved this song...of course, it reminded me of someone familiar. I shook the thought from my head, and turned off the radio. Forget it, I'd just ride home in silence.

When I got home, I realized that my mom hadn't returned just yet. She was probably working late again. I went into the kitchen and fixed myself dinner. Tonight was my night to celebrate my birthday. And what other way to celebrate than to sit on the couch and eat ice cream? Yes, I know. I was aware that I had no life. If I wanted to, I could go out all night, but I just didn't want to. So I guess I'd be spending all my time at the house until I went back to work on Monday.

. . .

"Are you sure you don't want anything for your birthday?" My mom asked. She arrived home, and we sat in the dining room and ate our dinner together.

"No, all I need is another year of happiness and love. That's really all I've ever wanted..." I smiled and continued to eat. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. "Hm. Who could that be?" I walked over to the door and opened it.

"Surprise!" It was Ann and Mayra who stood there with a huge cake. "Happy birthday!"

I laughed. "Aw,you guys. You didn't have to do this."

"Of course we did, don't be silly. It's your birthday. What kind of friends would we be if we didn't do anything for you today?"

I gestured them to come into the house. They set the cake down on the counter.

"Let's start eating it now! I'm starved," Ann said.

"Alright, just give me a second." I took me and my mom's plates and put them in the sink. "Want some cake, mom?"

She laughed. "Sure, why not?"

"And to celebrate you being twenty-one," Mayra said, "We have some drinks in the car outside, but we'll bring them in later."

"You guys know I've already had alcohol way before I was this age though." I smiled and took a slice of cake, then sat down.

"Well duh, but now you can have it without going to jail."

"What did you guys bring anyways?"

"Nothing hard, some wine coolers."

Later on, my mom, Ann, Mayra, and myself went out dancing. I told them I didn't really want to, but they insisted, so I just decided to go along with it. I actually ended up having fun, too. I should probably get out the house more.

When my mom and I got home, it was pretty late and we were tired.

My mom sighed. "I think I'm going to head to bed for the night, honey. Alright?"

"Sure mom, that's fine. Goodnight."

She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "'Night, Angela. Happy birthday."

I chuckled. "Thanks, mom."

After she went in her room, I took some time to clean up a little. I washed the dishes, swept the floor and wiped the counters. I was in the middle of eating some more cake when the phone rang. Seriously, who would be dumb enough to call this late? Oh well.

I walked over to the telephone and picked it up. "Hello?"

There was no reply. This was weird.

"Hello? Anybody there?"

"Angela? It's me, Johnny."

Every muscle in my body stopped, and my blood went cold...


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

No, I got it. It was another dream sequence of mine, thats all. That's all this was about. It wasn't even my birthday, I wasn't twenty one. I was asleep and only imagining that all of this was real...oh god, was it really real? "J-...Johnny?" Even my breathing and voice didn't sound normal. "Is that really you?"

"Yeah, it's me. How ya been these past years? I'm so sorry I haven't contacted you."

That was when my throat closed completely. I couldn't say anything. All that happened was me standing there, the tears coming back, and me remembering everything that I went through the past couple years because of him. Suddenly, I became extremely angry. I wasn't able to control anything anymore, I couldn't hold it back.

"ASSHOLE! YOU COULD HAVE CALLED AT LEAST ONCE. ALL THESE YEARS AND HERE I AM THINKING YOU FORGOT ME."

He sighed. "I know, sweetie. I'm real sorry, honest. I feel just as terrible as you do about it."

I sniffled and wiped a tear that slid down my jaw. "I loved you, John. I loved you, you knew that, man. You figured it out the day after we met. After we slept together and everything! You were able to see right through me, you saw I wasn't some obsessed whore who only wanted one night to be with you. And look, I know you had no choice but to leave me behind, but you promised me you'd never forget me-"

"And I never did! Why do ya think I'm callin' ya now, stupid? I felt bad and I wanted to apologize...listen, I wanna come back and visit you, then take you with me. Isn't that what you want?"

"Of course, John. You know I'd want that more than anything else, but...I cant. My mom's here in Maryland and so are other people I know. If I just up and take off, they'll wonder what happened to me. Not to mention I have a job now, what am I gonna tell my boss?"

"Hm. True...well, we can figure it out later, but you should have some time to think about it. I know its a big decision to make, so I wont rush you into it."

"How are you even gonna get here in one piece? Everyone here knows you're Johnny Ramone."

"Yeah, yeah I know. Don't worry about that. I'll figure it out. Can you give me your house address? I'll be leavin' in the morning to get over there."

At that moment, I was bereft of all anger, of all sadness or regret. I was beginning to feel the way I did when I first laid eyes on Johnny two years ago at the concert. That side of me was creeping back out now that I was going to see him again. I supposed it was a good thing though, since for a while I tried hard not to feel that way every time I listened to one of his band's albums. It was nice to have that giddy, adolescent-like feeling back again. I was suffering for those two years that he was gone, and even after I got a little better about the circumstance. In all honesty, I suffered every moment he was away from me. It's just that in the later stages, my suffering was less frequent than it had been before.

But I guess it was time to face the truth, and it was that celebrity or not, rock-star or not, I needed Johnny Ramone. I needed him every moment, every second, every minute, every hour, every day, every month, every year. I needed him with me, because this was the result of _not_ having him. When he was away from me for such a period of time, I literally became crazy, as obvious past historical references have shown. Just like Dee Dee needed herion to stay alive, I needed John in just the same way. He WAS my drug. He was what filled me up, what satisfied me. John was the marshmallows in my hot chocolate, the rain on my skin. He was the thing that filled that empty hole in my heart, one that I felt inside me for years, and I didn't know why. "Sure, you got a pencil and paper?"

"Yup. What is it?"

"Alright, 433 Leper Boulevard. Zip code is 21217."

"'Kay, got it." There was noise in the background. "Alright, alright. I'm comin', shut the fuck up!"

I chuckled. "Who are you talking to?"

"Oh nobody, just one of our petty hairdressers who wont be quiet," he said, then laughed too.

"I guess that means you gotta go, huh?"

"Yeah, but don't worry. When I get into Baltimore I'll use a payphone to call you, alright? I should get there by like ten or eleven tomorrow morning. 'Cause I'm gonna leave New York pretty early. Like maybe around six."

"Is the rest of the band coming with you?"

"Nah, just me. Since were not on tour right now, I might use the van and drive there. It'll be faster."

"Okay, that's fine...well, it was real nice talking to you again. I cant wait for you to get here."

"Neither can I. The minute I hold you in my arms again, I don't think I'll be letting go..."

My heart stopped when he said that. "Bye, John. I love you. Very much. And get here safely, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. I will. And I love you too. Just hang in there until I'm with you. Can you do that for me?"

"I'll try my best," I said and laughed through tears of joy. "I'll try my best."

"'Kay, see ya tomorrow."

"Alright, bye." I hung up the phone, and all the emotion inside of me came out, and I cried uncontrollably, leaning over against the counter. All of the true sorrow, the anger, the frustration, the loneliness, it all came pouring out of me through bitter-sweet tears. I swore that the minute I saw John, I would rush into his arms and I'd never let go of him. Not for anything. He was my soul-mate, and I his. We were supposed to be together. There could never be any other woman out there who could do what I could for him. Because I'd do a_nything _for that man, and he knew it too. From now on, I was at his feet, waiting for a command from him. Anything he wanted, I'd give it to him. Or at least I'd try...

"Angela! Honey, what's wrong?"

I turned to face my mother with pink, blotchy eyes. "Oh, mom!" I embraced her in a hug and sobbed some more. "This is the best birthday I've ever had."

"Then why are you crying? I could hear you from all the way upstairs."

I looked into her eyes. "Mommy...I just got a call from...uh, this guy." I didn't think I was ready to tell her who he was just yet. "He said he's visiting me tomorrow morning! I've loved him for so long, and now we get to be together again."

"Is this the same guy you were all sad over last year?"

I nodded. "Yeah, that's him. He's coming back to see me."

"Well, why did he leave in the first place if he liked you so much?"

"Mom, he had no choice. He lives...out of state. But anyways, you'll get to meet him tomorrow. It's actually kind of a shock, because...well, you'll see what I'm talking about when you meet him."

She laughed. "Alright, then. Well, I'm kind of excited to meet this mystery guy. And I'm sure _you_ wont be getting any sleep tonight."

"No, probably not. I'm too happy to sleep." I smiled.

"Try to get some rest, though. You don't wanna be tired for when he gets here, do you?"

I chuckled. "Of course not."

She smiled and kissed my forehead. "Goodnight, sweetheart." She walked up the first stair, then looked back over at me. "What's his name, anyways?"

"His name is John."

"John...very nice. Well, he sounds like a nice guy to me, but I'd like to see him first."

"Alright. 'Night." I blew her a kiss. After she went to bed, it was around one in the morning. I actually was getting kind of sleepy, so I took a shower and got into bed. You'd think that I'd dream of a certain someone before he got here, but I dreamed of flowers instead, and Mayra skipping around and singing 'Atomic' by Blondie. Weird...

. . .

I woke up the next morning around nine. He'd be here in about an hour. Had to freshen up, look pretty for him...I went to the bathroom and washed up, then ate some breakfast. Johnny would probably be really hungry since he was driving five hours straight from New York City with no food, so I'd make him some breakfast too when he came. I tidied up the house a little, but when I had nothing else to do, I just waited. That was all I could do now. Just wait for him to knock on my door.

I sat at the dining room table, trying to calm my nerves down. But sitting wouldn't help. So I got up and paced around. My mother came downstairs and saw me...

"You look nervous."

"I'm not sweating though, am I? I hope not...oh god mom, I don't know what to do! It's been two years!"

"Just be yourself. I'm sure you both will get into the groove of things once you start talking again."

I sighed and pulled at my hair. "Yeah, I guess you're right." I looked down at my sweaty hands. "I cant stop shaking..."

"Jesus, girl! Calm yourself. You act as if the cops are coming and not your boyfriend. He ain't gonna bite, is he?"

I laughed. "No, of course not, mom." Suddenly the doorbell rang. This was it...my entire body stopped moving, and I held my breath for a couple of seconds.

"Well, go on. Answer the door, silly!" She pushed me forward. I walked to the door, then stood there, taking a deep breath. This was what I always wanted, what I waited for. So why was I so scared all of a sudden? Ah, the hell with it...I opened the door at last, and there Johnny was, standing there with a bouquet of flowers and a smile on his heaven-carved face. "How ya doin'?"

"Oh, John!" I ran to him and embraced him tightly, unintentionally knocking the flowers out of his hand. He chuckled and hugged me back.

Just like I knew I would, I cried in his strong arms as he held me. I cried out to him every bit of happiness that I felt. He rubbed his hand through my hair, trying to settle me down, but I cried louder.

"Aw Angie, don't cry. There's no need to cry babe..." He hushed me gently. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you."

"I missed you so much!" I whimpered out to him. "Oh god, how I missed you, John."

He kissed my salty wet cheek. "I missed you too. I thought about you all the time. Nothing was the same for me after I left you here. I shoulda taken you with me when I had the chance."

I turned my face to his and looked him straight in his green eyes. "I love you Johnny." I kissed his lips lightly. "I love you more than life itself. You're all I have left of it..."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

I couldn't see my mom from the angle I was standing, but I just knew she was smiling. Johnny looked at me with a serious face. "Never will I leave you again, Angela. That was a huge mistake. I need you."

"I need you too, John. I'll always need you. Please don't go so far away next time." I buried my face into his chest, breathing in his personal scent. "I cant bear it anymore." I tugged at his brown hair.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear. "You wont ever have to worry about that, 'cause wherever you are, I am."

I laughed joyfully and we stayed there staring at eachother with huge smiles on our faces. I'd finally stopped crying, and he wiped my face.

"No more cryin' over me, 'kay?" He kissed my lips again.

I nodded. "Okay."

"Well if you two are done hugging and kissing eachother, who's hungry?" My mom walked up to us.

Johnny and I both laughed and followed her into the kitchen.

"Ma, I was gonna cook John something."

"Oh, alright then. You can do it." She handed me the spatula and walked over to John who was sitting at the dining room table playing with his fingers nervously. When she got closer to him, he looked up and acknowledged her.

"Oh, I apologize. I'm so rude." He held his hand out. "It's nice to meet you, Ms. Black."

"As it's very nice to meet you." She turned over to me. "Oh, Angela! You've got yourself a _handsome_ man!"

Johnny chuckled and hid his face partially behind some of his hair. "Thank you."

I smiled and turned back around to the stove. Didn't want my man's breakfast all burnt up. "John, you must be starving!"

He sighed. "I am. Haven't eaten anything today..." His stomach growled.

"Well, good thing I'm almost done. Mom, I'll make you some coffee in just a minute, alright?"

"No problem, honey. So John, tell me a little bit about yourself. Where're you from?"

"Uh, well my folks are from Long Island in New York, but I grew up in Queens."

"Interesting. Is it nice there?" She folded her hands in front of her.

"I like it there, but New York does have it's downside to it too. Every place does."

"You can say that again," I said, cracking eggs at the stove. "I hate Baltimore..." I finished up in the kitchen and served Johnny his plate.

"Thanks, babe." He smiled at me.

"You're quite welcome." I kissed him. "Now eat up!" As soon as he got the plate, he devoured everything. It made me feel good to know he liked my cooking. I guess it wasn't totally as bad as I thought it was after all. "Is it good, John?"

He nodded, a bacon strip sticking out of his mouth. I had to laugh at that.

"Slow down, sweetheart. Jeez. I know you're famished, but damn, take your time!"

"Oh, leave the man alone, girl," Mom said. "Let him eat."

I set down two mugs of coffee for her and him.

"Aren't you gonna eat anything?" she asked me.

"No, I already ate this morning. I'm fine."

After about five minutes, Johnny was done with his plate. "Wow, that was great! Beats granola bars by a long shot."

I laughed at him. "Does Marky still eat them?"

"Nah, only when were tourin'. He knows he'll get it from me if he does, though," he said, followed by a loud burp. "Oh, whoops..." My mom and I didn't hesitate to break into laughter. Poor Johnny sat there with a face as red as an apple and an embarrassed smirk.

"You're excused John," I said. Johnny chuckled.

"So, I'm sure you have all our records, right?" he said, switching the subject.

"Oh, you know me all too well." I smiled and winked at him.

"Wait...what?" Mom looked at both Johnny and I with a confused look on her face. "Records?"

Oh, shit. That's right! She didn't know who he was just yet. "John, I think we should tell her." My heart sank...I hope she didn't flip out.

He nodded. "Yeah, you're right...Ms. Black? Uh, there's something that I must confess."

"Oh? Is there something wrong?"

"No, no. It's just, well...see the thing is...I'm uh, in a band."

"Oh, are you? Well, that's not bad news."

"Well see, I'm not from just any band..." Johnny scratched his head. "I'm from the Ramones."

She got up from her chair. "Oh my! That god-awful group?"

Damn, I knew Johnny's pride just collapsed on him. I got angry. "_Mom_."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a bit shocked." She cleared her throat. "John, dear, I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that, I find the Ramones a bit...well, noisy and disruptive."

Johnny laughed. Damn, those teeth of his drew me in every time. "Oh, we are. We play pretty loudly. I can understand if you don't like us, we all got different tastes. The Ramones aren't for everybody."

"Thanks for understanding, honey." She touched his arm. "But I'll be willing to give you guys a try."

"Alright, sounds great." He smiled. "I'm the guitarist in the group, by the way."

She turned to me. "Angela, how did you meet him? He's obviously very famous."

Johnny and I both laughed, going down memory lane of that night at the concert, where I was courageous enough to climb onto the stage. I felt my face turning hot, remembering it. "Oh, it's a long story..."

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothin', nothin'. Doesn't matter, Ms. Black." He walked over to me and held my hand. "What matters is that I love Angela, and I always will. I promise ya, I'll take real good care of her." He looked at me. "She's my everything."

"As you are mine, John." I hugged him.

"Aw, now isn't that beautiful?" Mom grinned. "I'm so happy for the both of you."

"Thanks, mom."

For the rest of the day, the three of us sat and talked on the couch about the advantages of Johnny's career. Mom got more and more impressed by him as he spoke. Looks like I didn't have to worry about any parental rejection problems. If my dad were still here, I knew he'd probably not like John. But then again, my dad disapproved of a lot of the guys I dated in the past.

As we all socialized and sipped on scotch-whiskey later on that night, I had an idea...I wanted to tell my friends, but then again, what would they say? They all thought Johnny was mean to anyone he ever talked to, and that just wasn't true at all. I should invite them over tomorrow so that they can all see what he was really like. I brought up the idea to him as we tidied up my bed for us to sleep in.

"I don't know, Angie. They might tell people."

"No, if I tell them to zip it, trust me they will. It's just...you know, they have this biased view of what you're like, and I'm sick of it. I wanted you to meet them and prove them wrong."

Johnny sighed. "Well...oh, alright. I'm okay with it, I guess. But they CAN'T tell anybody I'm in town, 'cause the next thing you know, you'll have fuckin' paparazzi and news reporters at your doorstep." He started taking off his clothes. "And I don't want that for you. Hell, not even the guys know where I am right now."

"Well, what'd you tell them you were going yesterday?"

He shrugged. "Just said I was goin' outta town for a while and I'd be back in a couple days. They didn't ask no other questions, just let me leave."

We climbed into bed. Johnny traced his fingers on my skin. I knew what he was doing, and I chuckled.

"Looks like someone's happy tonight."

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" He leaned forward and gently bit my neck.

"Oh, I guess I've got a vampire in the bed with me." I laughed and leaned my head back more so he could kiss my throat. He suddenly turned me stomach up and intertwined his hands with mine and kissed me passionately. The feel of his mouth on mine drove me wild on the inside. "Oh, John. Baby..." We sat up on the bed, and I took his big hands and put them on my hips.

"Damn, I missed the feel of your body. It's so smooth and delicious..." He began to leave little kisses on my arms, starting from my hands and working his way up.

"Then you don't even wanna begin to know what I've missed." I pushed his hair back, his sharp eyebrows cutting my heart open. "I missed everything about you, John. Everything. You know...I gotta tell you something."

Johnny stopped kissing my body and sat back, listening. "Sure, sweetie. What's on you mind?"

I let out a huge sigh and looked down at my bed. "That day you left for D.C...it was hard for me to get myself together after that. I tried so hard to forget you John, but I just couldn't. I'd cry myself to sleep every night, I'd dream of you constantly. You know, this room is where I spent most of my time. Just crying and sleeping all the time..."

A look of shame spread across Johnny's face as I told him my story.

"And I remember one day last year...my mom was out buying groceries or something...and I went to the bathroom with a rope in my hand..."

"Oh, god no. Angela, don't tell me-"

"Yes, I was gonna do it too. John I almost killed myself, but I didn't do it. I didn't do it 'cause I knew that one day," I smiled and touched his face, "Just like you did today, you'd come knocking on my door again. I held some hope inside me, even though it felt like I'd never get my wish. But I kept on hoping, and tried to believe that you hadn't forgot me, that...you still loved me."

"Angie, I thought about you every day. I even thought of you while I was performing. You were all I could think about for such a long time. Dee Dee and them, they noticed that I changed, 'cause I wasn't as energetic and on top of everything like I was before. Sometimes when they had conversations I'd just say I was goin' to bed early. For me, not thinking about it was the only way I could cope with the fact that I'd lost you. I didn't know no other way. And, ya know, I guess maybe that's why I didn't call you also. I couldn't bear to talk to you, knowing I couldn't be with you cause I'm Johnny Ramone, and I have a commitment to my band."

"I understand, John. I do."

"But...sweetie, why would you get so sad to the point where you almost hung yourself?"

I chuckled humorlessly, tears in my eyes. I looked up at him. "You really don't know how much I love you, do you?"

"Well, I think I'm starting to get an idea." He laughed and kissed my nose, then his face was serious again. "Oh baby, I'm sorry you went through all that 'cause of me." He embraced me in a hug. "Please, please forgive me."

"I forgive you, John." I hugged him back. "I forgive you. But please don't leave me ever again. I cant bear the pain. Its just too much..."

We kissed and held eachother into the night. This was the healthiest, the happiest, the most relieved that I felt in such a long time.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

"I'll be back, John."

"Sure, no problem." He turned his face back to the television set, stuffing his face with potato chips contentedly. I found it a bit weird that he didn't gain weight from some of the crap he ate. I didn't really mind, though. Whatever made him happy, I guess. Johnny had some meat on his bones, but was still pretty skinny.

I walked over to the telephone and placed a call to Mayra's house. "Hello, is Mayra there?"

"Yes, hold on a second." The other line rustled for a bit, then..."Hello?"

"Hi, May. Listen...I need to talk to you."

"Uh-oh." Mayra cleared her throat. "What happened?"

I laughed. "Nothing bad, if that's what you're thinking. But it might come off as a bit of a shock to you."

"Hm, okay. I see. So what is it?"

"Well...May, remember two years ago when we went to that Ramones concert?"

"Yeah, the night we didn't see eachother after like five minutes of the show?" She chuckled. "I remember."

"Well, you know, I have a reason why we didn't see eachother after the show ended."

"Oh?" There was interest in her voice. "And what's that?"

"Oh god, May. I met the Ramones that night!"

"WHAAAT!" Ow. I thought I lost a bit of my hearing just then. "Omaigodomaigodomaigod!" She squealed on the other line. "Girl, why didn't you tell me?"

"I had my reasons before, but see...I'm telling you now because-"

"Oh my Jesus, how was Joey in person? Did you tell him about me?"

I sighed. "No, May. I didn't talk to Joey all that much to be honest. I...spent most of my time with another member of the band. I think you can guess who it was."

She gasped. "Mhm. I sure can. It was that no good Johnny, wasn't it?"

"Mayra, he's a good guy." I rolled my eyes. "Listen. I want..." I saw Johnny walk over to me, worry on his face. He knew what I was doing. I did a hush sign to him so he'd keep quiet. The last thing I needed was for him to start yelling while I was on the phone with Mayra. She'd go crazy. "I want you, Jessica and Ann to meet him."

"Whoa, whoa. What the hell are you talking about?"

"What I mean is...we both realized we had a thing for eachother and we're in love. He came back to Baltimore yesterday to visit me."

Mayra gasped. "Oh my lord, I don't _believe_ what I'm hearing! This cant be true."

"Well, you better believe it, and yes, it's true alright." I looked over at Johnny, who had his hand over his mouth, laughing like crazy. "So gather up everyone and try to be here by around six."

"Alright, but I cant lie, I'm in serious shock right now."

I chuckled. "Imagine how I felt the night we met. I thought I was imagining things!"

"Well, let me give the girls a call. We'll be over later, okay?"

"Sure, no problem."

"You know, I have to admit to you...Johnny was never my favorite Ramone, but I'm kinda excited to meet him."

"You should be. Anyways, talk to you later."

"Alright, bye-bye."

I hung up the phone and turned to Johnny smiling. "Oh man, I cant wait to see the looks on all their faces when they see you."

He said nothing.

"What's the matter, baby?" I put my arm around his shoulders and played with his eyebrows. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just kinda nervous."

"Why? Ah, you think they'll tell, huh?"

He nodded. "I'm just not comfortable with this, Angela. I just-"

"John. I told you before, they're not going to say anything. I don't stay close to people who blabber their mouths all the time." I laughed. "Alright? Nothing to worry about. Relax." I kissed his cheek. "Now lets go watch some TV, okay?"

"Sure. Oh, wait a sec."

"What's the problem?"

"You know Tommy, our old drummer from our first couple albums?"

"Oh yeah, Tommy. What about him?"

"Well, he told me to give him a call after a couple days just to make sure I was okay."

"Oh sure, no problem. Go ahead and use the telephone."

We walked our separate ways. I glanced at the clock, which read 4:09. Two hours...until total chaos. I dreaded when him and Jessica got into contact. She seriously liked him the least. But I'd make sure to keep the peace in the house. Poor Jessica believed too many lies. But I bet my entire life savings that the minute she saw him in the flesh, that would shut her up completely. Johnny _was_ pretty gorgeous. He'd probably swoon her or something.

"_Breaking News: New wave punk band the Ramones will be releasing their new album 'Too Tough Too Die' in a couple of months. The exact date is not certain as of right now, but the band will soon be doing a press conference to discuss the new album furthermore and other feelings towards their future..._"

My eyes widened in surprise. "John! Oh my god, you didn't tell me!" I turned my head over to him. He was still on the phone. He turned to me when he heard me shout, and a smile broke out across his face.

"Yeah. Tommy listen, I gotta go, okay? Yeah, I'll call ya later. Bye." He hung up the phone. "So I guess you heard the news, huh?" He laughed.

"How come you didn't tell me?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise." He walked over to his bag on the floor and pulled out a blue album with the band's silhouettes on it. It was by far the best album cover I'd ever seen the Ramones do.

"But...how-"

"I knew that when you heard about our new album, you'd wanna be the first one to get it."

I chuckled. "Well...whether or not we're together, I'm still just as much of a fan girl over you guys as I was two years ago." I took the album from his hand. "Oh man, this is so cool! Thanks, baby."

"No problem." He kissed me passionately for a while, and I ended up dropping the album and putting my hands on his cheeks. Johnny had the sweetest mouth I'd ever felt.

"God, I think I'm in heaven," I said. Johnny laughed.

"Is that how you really feel when you kiss me?"

I nodded. "That, and...a bunch of other feelings. " I winked at him.

"Oh, oh I see where you're goin' with this." He raised a brow and I laughed. "I think I'm in for a little surprise later on tonight."

"Well, you're gonna have to work for it, you know. I'm not gonna let you get me in bed _that_ easily." I teased him by walking away and looking back at him, winking seductively. Just when he was about to run over and put his big hands all over my body, the doorbell rang. We stopped dead in our tracks...

"You should wait here, okay? I'm gonna try to calm them down before...well, you know."

"Yeah, sure." Johnny nodded. "Go ahead."

I walked over to the door and opened it. And all in a couple seconds, I was drenched with comments and questions.

"Where is he? Is he here now?"

"I wanna see him too-"

"Okay, alright. Calm down guys, you're gonna scare him. I don't want him to start thinking I'm friends with a bunch of lunatics," I said and laughed.

"Okay, fine," said Mayra. "So is he really in there?"

"Yeah, and listen guys...don't ask him really dumb stuff, like if he goes to the bathroom. Try to act intelligent, please."

Jessica, Mayra and Ann all burst into laughter. I started laughing with them.

"I'm serious. He's gonna think that you all are crazy, so no stupid questions, okay?"

"Alright, no problem." Mayra fixed her hair. "Ooh, I'm so excited!"

"Okay, come on, guys."

I led them inside the house. Johnny walked over to us. "Hi."

All three girls screamed, and I held my ears.

"Oh my god, you weren't lying, Angela!" Jessica screamed out.

"Of course I wasn't. Why would I?"

Suddenly, all three girls attacked Johnny and surrounded him with hugs, kisses and telling him about how much they loved him and the Ramones. Psh, my friends were such hypocrites...but I couldn't help but to laugh at them and enjoy the time they were spending with him. Johnny just stood there smiling like an idiot. But so would any other man who was getting this much attention from girls. Ah, the life of a musician...


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"Okay, okay, alright. That's enough guys, give the man some space," I said between laughs. "Let him breathe."

The girls backed away from him smiling and blushing. Johnny stood there smiling as well.

Mayra cleared her throat and fixed her hair. "It's nice to meet you, Johnny. I'm Mayra."

"Nice to meet _you_," he said and shook her hand. "And who are you two lovely girls?" He directed his attention towards Ann and Jessica.

"My name is Ann, and this is Jessica."

"Call me Jess," Jessica said, grinning like an idiot from cheek to cheek.

"So uh, why don't we sit down. Does anyone want anything to eat?" I said.

"I'll eat Johnny," Ann said licking her lips. "He looks _delicious._"

Johnny broke into hysterical laughter (almost falling off his chair), and everyone else followed. Lord, help us all...

"Hey!" I said and smiled. "He's my man, get your own."

"I'm kidding, just kidding. No but really Angela, what _do_ you have to eat? 'Cause I really am hungry."

"Well..." I opened my refrigerator. "There's lasagna, and uh...there's potato salad. I can make something else too though, if you want."

"Nah, lasagna's fine with me."

"Alright, no problem. Anyone else want lasagna or...something else?" I chuckled.

Everyone agreed with Ann.

"'Kay, lasagna it is." I poured everyone some lemonade, and we all sat down and talked about random stuff while the food heated up in the oven..._until_ everyone began to direct their attention at the main attraction of the house...my boyfriend.

"So Johnny...can I call you John?" Mayra asked. Johnny nodded. "Obviously we're all wondering how the hell you and Angela ever got to meet."

"Oh yeah! Please tell us." Jessica took a sip from her glass. "I'm dying to know, seriously."

"Oh god..." I put my hands over my face. "John, you can tell them. I'm too embarrassed."

Everyone stared their beady eyes at Johnny, who squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. "Uh...well it's actually really funny...Angela, she...got past the guards at our concert one night, and she crawled to the side of the stage we were standing on."

"What the-...seriously, girl?" Mayra looked at me.

I laughed as my face changed color. "Oh, cut me some slack. The crowd was getting kinda rough, you know."

"Sure, sure..." Jessica said. "Well, what happened after wards?"

I looked at Johnny once, then said, "He told me after the show to meet him backstage. So I walked to their room and we talked for a while, and..."

"And you guys did the _nasty_?" Ann asked.

Johnny gasped and got up from his chair, his face a violent red.

"ANN! Ugh, Jesus..." I covered my face again. Everyone broke out laughing...except for Johnny, who was humiliated and walking in the kitchen, biting his lip and smiling. I knew he was going to let me have it later for bringing over my goofy friends. "See? Look what you guys did, he's embarrassed."

"Why don't you go over there and cuddle with him so we can see it?" Mayra said.

I sighed and chuckled, walking over to Johnny. "Come here, John. It's alright, don't be ashamed."

Johnny smiled and walked with me back to the living room. "You ladies are entirely too much."

"Sorry honey. But it's not everyday that we get to meet a member of the Ramones," said Jessica.

"It's okay, I understand." Johnny shrugged.

"John, do me a favor, and when you get back to New York, tell Joey I said hi," Mayra said.

The smile vanished from his face, and he looked down, twitching his mouth out of habit from being uncomfortable. "Sure, I'll tell him." I remembered two years ago when I saw him and Joey get into their one of many fights that I'm sure they'd had, even before I met them. I tried asking Johnny why him and Joey resented each other, but he never answered. I was gonna make sure he told me this time, because it's something that seriously needed to be resolved, whatever it was about.

Everyone grew quiet when they sensed his discomfort, so I was quick to change the subject. "So, how's Dee Dee been?"

"Dee Dee's been Dee Dee," he said and laughed. "I mean, ya know...still doing drugs as usual."

"So we heard about you guys' new album coming out," Jessica said. "When's it gonna be released?"

"We're hopin' to get it on the market as soon as August."

I smiled to myself. I already_ had_ the album. Hehehehe...

"So, you're gonna let us know first when it comes out, right?" Ann asked. "And we get it for free, right?"

"Uh..." He scratched his head. "S-...sure?"

"Oh lord, guys. Quit asking him so many questions." I walked back into the kitchen to check on the lasagna in the oven.

"But he's from the Ramones. That changes everything," Mayra said. "You know that, Angela."

I laughed. "Alright, you got me there." I looked in Johnny's direction, who looked back at me in humorous disbelief. "I'm sorry baby, but it's the truth."

Suddenly, he straightened up his back and flexed his arms. "Well ya know, I _am_ awesome." All of the girls giggled like crazy. I sighed.

I sucked my teeth and waved him off. "Oh, don't listen to him. He's just being an idiot now." I looked back at the oven. "Well anyways, the food's ready, so who's ready to eat?"

"I think everyone is," said Jessica.

"Alright."

After we all ate, it began to get late and we were also drinking...which then turned the night a little crazy, so I decided to send everyone home. As much as I loved that my friends met Johnny, I wanted my alone time with him now. I longed for him to touch me the entire time that everyone was here.

"Alright everyone, its time to go. I'll call you guys later."

All the girls whined and Johnny laughed.

"But we wanna _stay_!" Ann whined.

"I know but I'm tired now, guys. We can plan another get together some other time."

"You know, she's right, guys. Let's give the two lovers some space now," Mayra said.

I hugged all of my friends and led them to the door. "Jessica, get those two safely home, okay? I think they might be kind of tipsy."

"No problem." She winked and kissed my cheek. "See you later, alligator. Oh, and hey...don't break the bed with all that action, eh?" She nudged my arm playfully.

"Oh shut up and get out, you silly."

After everyone was gone, I started to do the dishes, Johnny beside me, helping me to dry them and put them away.

"Some friends you've got," he said and smiled.

I laughed and said, "Yeah."

"Thought ya said they wouldn't like me."

"Well...I expected them to interrogate you in a bad sort of way, but...much to my and _your_ surprise, that didn't happen. It's weird because they used to talk so much crap about you. Me always defending you, of course. But tonight, they completely adored you. And I know you liked it."

He chuckled, turning his face away because he was blushing.

"Mhm, nothing gets past me, John."

"Well I mean, what'dya want me to do, I'm a guy who loves attention from women. Jeez."

"Oh, I didn't notice." I handed him another wet plate.

"Aw come on, Angie. You know the attention you give me is more important. It'll always be. Don't be that way."

"I'm not angry, John. But I have to admit, it's nice to hear you say that." I leaned forward and kissed his lower lip.

"Hey..." he whispered against my mouth. "Wanna go upstairs?"

I backed away from him and looked at him. "Right now? It's still pretty early. Only eleven."

"Well..." He shrugged, "Why not start now? Besides...I don't mean to sound like a perve ya know, but...I'm real horny. Just sayin'."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Alright, alright. Did you put all the plates away like I asked?"

"Yes ma'am." He saluted me.

I unplugged the cork from the sink. "Well I'm tired anyways, so I guess we can go upstairs now."

Johnny suddenly brought me off my feet and carried me to the bedroom...


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

My alarm clock rang annoyingly beside me. I struggled to rise out of bed to turn it off. Bleh, it was Monday. I had work today, which meant Johnny would be here and probably bored out of his mind, since he couldn't go anywhere in Baltimore without being followed by fans or news reporters. Poor thing.

I turned around to see him with the bedsheets wrapped around him like a cocoon. God, he was so cute! He was like a baby. "John..." I made sure my voice wasn't too loud, and I shook him gently. "Baby, wake up."

He squirmed around for a little while, then finally sighed softly and opened his eyes. "Hm...?"

"You awake?" I asked.

"Mhm." His eyes were slowly closing.

I shook him again and laughed. "Sweetie, please wake up. Just listen to me for a second."

He sighed again and opened his eyes once more. "Yeah, babe. I'm up. What's the matter?"

"I have to get ready for work. I have work today."

"Aw man."

"Yeah, I know. I get off today at around four, and it shouldn't take me too much time to get back home. I'll miss you today."

He sat up in the bed and touched my face, his hand warm from sleep. "Don't leave me, Angie."

Honestly, at that moment I wanted to cry. The way he said that made me extremely sad. He sounded like a child on the first day of preschool who didn't want their mom to leave them. "Aw, John. I wish I didn't have to, but how else am I gonna get paid?"

"Well, you could quit and come live with me in New York. The group makes a pretty good salary so..."

"Mmm, I don't know. I'd feel like a freeloader."

"What? Wha- no! No, not at all. Angela, I love you. You know I'd do anything for you. Besides, do you even _like_ where you work?"

I sighed and looked at a corner of my wall. "Not really. All I do is sit at a desk and take phone calls."

"Well that's exactly my point. If you come with me you wont have to work at some boring place. And get this...you'll see the Ramones EVERY DAY."

I laughed, making him laugh along with me. "Very funny, John."

"What, ya get to see us rehearse and everything. Any fan would kill to see that, especially a girl. Like you."

"Yeah but remember, I'm not just a regular fan."

"Well yeah, I guess that's true. But still, you get what I mean, dontcha?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Yeah, I do." I looked over at the clock again. "Look, I gotta get ready to go, okay? We'll talk about it when I get home."

Johnny laid back down. "Alright. Will ya at least come over here and kiss me before you leave?"

I laughed. "After I've brushed my teeth. I don't want to blast you with morning mouth, you know."

He smiled and cuddled back into the covers. "Okay."

I sighed and looked at him sympathetically, brushing his soft hair back. Then I got up and walked to the bathroom...I really wanted to go with Johnny to New York, but what about my mom? I mean, she's only met him a couple of times. And what if she got depressed because I wasn't there anymore? She'd be lonely and sad, and it'd be all my fault. I didn't want to do that to her, it would break my heart.

I shook the thought from my head and continued to get ready for work. I did what I did every morning. I washed up, dressed in my suit and tie, got my purse and got ready to leave, except...I took a small detour upstairs to say goodbye to my boyfriend before I took off.

"Baby, I'm leaving now, okay? Just hang tight until I come back. I'm gonna need you once I'm done with today, so expect my arrival at around five."

Johnny sat up in the bed and rubbed his eyes some more. "Okay. I love you. Have a good day."

"Oh, I love you too, baby." I kissed his forehead, then his soft lips. "I love you so much. I'll see you later."

"Alright, I guess I'll just practice my mosrite. It's still in the van."

"Bye, John." I waved to him and made my way back downstairs and out the door.

. . .

"_Ooh wee, do it one more time for me. Ooh wee, do it one more time for me. Cant stop, stop that girl, there she goes again. I really really love to watch her, watch her headbangin'. Suzy is a headbanger-_"

"Ms. Black!" I jerked my head around quick to see my boss staring me down with her arms folded. "You are SUPPOSED to be doing your job. Why are you singing?"

"I-I just, uh...I'm sorry Mrs. Evans, I guess I got a little sidetracked. But I've also been taking alot of phone calls today. In fact, I'm waiting for the next one right now."

"Well can you please not sing while you are working? It's a bad habit. I might reduce your paycheck if I see this again." Her harsh blue eyes suffocated my gaze, and I soon had to look away from her. Instead, I eyed my desk, and all of the messy papers strewn all over them. "Well I'm very sorry, Mrs. Evans. I assure you it will not happen again."

"Hm." She crossed her arms and walked out of my cubicle. I blew a sigh of relief. I was glad she didn't take away some of my paycheck on my first warning...I really needed the money. But I guess I wouldn't need it as much if I moved in with Johnny. Living with him seemed like a dream...my memories kicked in, and I started to go back to when I was sixteen, watching him and the rest of the Ramones play live at CBGB's* **(see footnote on bottom of page).** I remembered seeing him through the screen and watching him play. He was so young back then in the late seventies...

I daydreamed about living with him in a big house somewhere and making love to him day and night, and drinking champagne with him through expensive wine glasses as he and I were dressed like hippie flower children or something. I daydreamed about us getting married in a beautiful floral ceremony with both our families there... God, me and my imagination could run wild back in my teenage years. And now look at me. I was actually with him. After a dream, came the reality...one that felt somewhat like a dream itself.

A couple of hours later, it was time to go home. I was relieved! John and I had a lot to talk about when I got home. I still didn't know if I wanted to leave my mother here in Baltimore all by herself. But I guess I'd make the final decision once we talked about it.

The ride home was pretty pleasant. The sun set peacefully and it was a beautiful sight to see. I was always called strange in high school, and I guess it's because when most kids were smoking weed and talking about the good ole days at Woodstock, I was staring off into space and gazing off at clouds fly slowly by. I loved nature, that's just how I was. Then again...I think most kids in my school were like that. We were all equally hippies.

Once I got home, I parked my car next to the Ramones tour van, and walked up to my front door. Before I even opened it, I heard loud strumming behind the door...and singing! Was that Johnny? Well, duh, of course it was. What other guy did I have living in my house?

I opened the door and heard the strumming louder...

_"Dancin' in the alleyway, waitin' for someone to say, 'Come and dance with me'. And I've gone crazy-"_

"John, is that you?"

Startled, he missed a chord on his mosrite and stopped playing. "Oh, hi babe. I uh, didn't hear ya come in."

"I didn't know you could sing."

He turned a bright red. "I wasn't singing."

"Yeah you were, I heard you."

"Maybe it was the TV."

I looked over at the television. Which was not turned on. I chuckled. "The TV's off, John."

"Alright, alright. You caught me." He put his mosrite down next to him. "I haven't told anyone."

"Why not?"

Johnny sighed and walked closer to me. "You know why, Angela. Obviously that would mean I'd have to sing with Joey for some of the backing vocals for our songs, and I'm not gonna do that."

Here we go again..."Alright, look. What the hell is your problem with Joey? Why do you hate him so much?"

He groaned and walked over to the kitchen. "Angie, baby please. Not tonight."

"Well then, when? I wanna know what's going on. I just don't get it."

"Good, let's keep it that way," he said stubbornly.

Damnit, I hated it when he got like this. I swear, I just could not get him to talk about this at all. Well you know what? We were going to, whether he liked it or not. "Okay, listen. How about we sit down? This is important, sweetie."

Johnny pushed his hair back and walked back over to me. And after a minute of deep contemplation from him, he said,"Fine." I took his hand and we both walked to the dining room table. Looks like I was about to become the mediator of one big mess...


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

"So, before we actually get deep into all this, you wanna drink something? I'll get you something if you want-"

"No, no I'm fine." He took off his t-shirt, leaving his blue tank top underneath. God, his muscles...no. This wasn't the time to have thoughts like that.

I nodded. "Okay. So...babe, when did all this start?"

Johnny sighed and bit his lip. "Well...see the thing is, when I met Joey...before the Ramones, I mean, I don't know. He was really weird."

"Hm, alright. In what way?"

"Like the dude smoked and said weird shit that freaked me out. Joey's like one of those hippie dudes, ya know? He was hard to understand, so for that I didn't like him."

"Well, John. I don't think that's the entire reason why you both hate eachother."

He looked away. "Actually, something else did happen. With a girl."

I remembered he said something about a girl named Linda two years ago. "Was she called Linda?"

He looked surprised. "How'd ya know? You weren't supposed to know that."

"I remember you mentioned her before. When we first met, you and Joey got into a fight that night at the hotel, and you said her name. I had to tell you to stop because it was getting out of hand."

Johnny's face turned shameful. "Yeah, well...there was a girl named Linda that Joey was dating a long time ago. And what happened was I..."

"You...?" I could tell he didn't want to say it. "John, what happened?"

"I...may have stole her from him?"

"WHAT?" I stood up in front of him. I couldn't believe this! "John! Why would you do something like that?"

"See? This is why I didn't wanna talk about it. I knew you'd judge me." He got up from the dining room chair and got ready to go upstairs.

I sighed. "Wait...look, I'm sorry. Just...here, explain to me then. I'm sorry I did that."

"It wasn't intentional. I didn't do it just because we didn't like eachother...I really loved Linda. And she loved me."

Hearing this was making me insanely jealous, and I wanted him to stop. I didn't want to feel that way, but I couldn't help it. When you only have eyes for one guy, and he starts talking about his ex-girlfriend, you cant help but to want to gouge her eyes out. At least that's how I felt. "Oh..."

Johnny was staring at me. "Angie? You...you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Nah, I'm fine." I pulled on my hair and fidgeted with my clothes.

"Alright. So, anyway...see, one night, Joey went out to buy somethin'. Guess he trusted me not to make any moves on Linda while he was gone. I didn't. Even though I didn't like Joey, I respected 'im enough not to do that. But the thing is...me and Linda talked for a while. And then all of a sudden she kissed me. So then of course, me bein' the kinda guy that I am, I let 'er do it. Course that led to other shit and when Joey got back..." He waved off his hand dismissively. "Well, there ya have it."

"What about Joey? What'd he do when he saw you guys?"

Johnny chuckled. "Aw man, it wasn't pretty. He yelled and cursed and nearly choked me to death. We ended up getting in a fight, and I beat him up pretty badly. He got sent to the hospital, and I did too."

I was trying. I was trying so hard not to judge Johnny. But it was hard, when I heard something like this. Still...I tried to keep an open mind. I was-after all- in love with this man. And there was always two sides to a story. _Always._ "Wow, that's pretty bad."

"Me and Linda didn't stay together, though. We lasted a couple months, and finally we just broke it off. She told me she felt too guilty for what happened, so I said 'Okay'. And that was that...as a result, well, me and Joey never really liked eachother, but after _that _happened..."

I sighed and looked down, not really knowing what to say. What was there to talk about? I was completely speechless. Then, after a couple of long, horrific minutes, Johnny broke the silence.

"Angela...you don't hate me, do you?"

"Oh, John." I moved closer to him. "How could you say something like that? You know that's not true. I love you, darling." I lightly kissed his nose. "I guess I'm just thinking about how to take all this in. It's alot of information, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

After a moment of processing my response, there was nothing else I could do. I had to say what was on my mind. "Look...I understand that crap happens in the worst kind of timing and in the wrong circumstances. I get that. So...I know this might be hard, but I really think you guys should talk about this. I mean, when did this even happen?"

"Like, back in '80 or '81. Not sure, around there."

"Aw John, come on. That's like five years of you guys acting like this. Okay, you know what? You need to talk to Joey."

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Angie-"

"Don't 'Angie' me. I'm serious, honey. This has to be resolved."

He didn't respond, just bit his nails.

"Will you at least think about it? Please?"

His eyes darted towards mine. It was almost as if they read guilt, but he just wasn't admitting it.

"Why cant you just tell him that you're sorry?" I put my hand on his cheek. "Hm? What's the harm in that? You know, I'm sure Joey'd appreciate it. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy to not accept it."

He shrugged. "'Kay, fine. I'll think about it."

The phone suddenly rang, and I got up to get it. "Hello?"

"Hey, uh, who's this?"

"Well who's this?"

"It's Mark, I'm calling for a guy named John. Do you happen to know 'im?"

"Oh. Marky?"

"Yeah, who's this?"

"It's me, Angela."

"Angela? Oh my gawd, damn! Really? What...how ya been?"

I laughed. "Good, and yourself?"

"Pretty good. Wait, but how did-"

"It's a long story, I can explain later. You want John now?"

"Sure, put 'im on the line."

I looked back at Johnny who was looking out the window. "Baby, it's for you." He walked up to the phone and took it from me.

"Yeah. Oh...oh hey Mark...what? Oh, shit. Really?" He sucked his teeth and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Alright, alright yeah. Okay, fine. 'Kay, I'll let you know what time then." He hung up.

"Everything okay?"

"Angela...sweetie, I gotta leave tomorrow."

His words hit me like an unexpected slap. "What? But, why?"

"Well Mark told me that we have to do a fanmeet in a couple of days, and were also gonna do a couple of interviews for some people."

That feeling started to come back to me. The feeling of when he left, and the life I lived without him. My heart began to beat faster, and it wasn't long before I went into a huge panic attack. The tears gradually formed. "No. Please..." I think he sensed the fear in my eyes, because he held me closer.

"Angela, babe I don't wanna leave you here by yourself. But ya gotta make a decision."

I broke down in that moment. I just couldn't think. My knees were about to give in, and Johnny caught me just in time.

"Okay, just calm down. Calm down." He kissed my forehead. I couldn't stop crying. "We're gonna talk about this okay? It's gonna be okay. I'm here." He rubbed my back, trying desperately to placate me. That was when my mom came through the front door looking surprised at the both of us. Goddamn, why was my life such a fucking movie...

**FOOTNOTE: CBGB'S-Located in Manhattan, New York. First place the Ramones played in 1976. **


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

"ANGELA? What happened?" Mom dropped her purse and ran over to us. She looked at Johnny. "What happened?"

"It'a alright, Ms. Black. She's sad because I have to leave tomorrow."

"Oh, that's too bad. Sure you cant stay a little longer?"

Johnny shook his head sullenly. "I wish I could. I don't wanna leave Angela here by herself, I wanted to take her with me, but that's for you and her to talk about." He loosened his grip on me and held my arms. "Sweetie, talk to your mom, 'kay?"

I wiped my eyes and tried to regain my composure. "Okay, John."

He kissed me and walked upstairs, leaving mom and I alone downstairs.

"Mom..." I sniffled. Why were things like this so hard? "See, the thing is...John could only stay for a couple of days, but if I went with him, that would mean me leaving you all alone."

She listened to me.

"I don't want to do that to you, mom. I love you, and you'd be so lonely without me here. Since dad died last year, you've had a rough enough time already, and I'd just make things worse for you by leaving. You'd have nobody to talk to or eat with or anything!" The tears resumed and came rolling down my face. "I don't want to do that to you. I just don't. I love John, mom. God knows I love him to death. _You_ know how much I love him, but I cant go with him knowing I'll be leaving you behind and all by yourself."

Mom sighed. "Alright, honey calm down. Let me ask you something."

I sniffled. "Yes, anything, mom."

"Do you _want_ to stay here in Baltimore? Or do you want to go with John to New York?"

"I..." I looked down. "I don't know what I want. I love the both of you too much to choose."

Mom chuckled sympathetically. "Angela, listen to me. Just listen...you have always been a caring person, since you were a little girl. Always selfless, and I'm glad that you are this way. But sweetheart, you need to understand that I'm a grown woman and that I'm you mother. I can take care of myself, darling." She put her hand underneath my chin. "I'll be just fine. Yes, I know you've lived here all of your life..." She looked around at the walls of the living room. "Goodness, what memories this house brings when you really look at it. Both good and bad times we've had here." Her eyes went back to me. "You have lived here since your first day of being in this world. But you're a woman now, Angela. You're not that same little girl that used to prance around here dressing up in my clothes and watching Sesame Street. You're a woman, with experiences that you will carry for the rest of your life. And you know..." She pointed her finger in an upwards direction. "That man you have up there, he's a good man, Angela. He's good for you, and he'll take care of you. I know he will, I _trust_ him."

"I know, mom. I know."

"He loves you, girl. I see it in his eyes. I see it. I know he'd never do you any wrong."

Laughing lightly though my tears, I said, "Well I sure hope not, or I'll have to beat the living tar out of him."

"No no, sweetie. He won't. And that's why you need to go with him. Go, honey. Go and live your life in the Big Apple. Have new experiences, a new life away from Baltimore. See what's out there in the world. John's a big ole rockstar, so I'm sure he'll take you to all kinds of places."

I sighed and bit my lip. "Are you sure about this? Mom, I-"

"Go with him, honey. I'm absolutely sure. You love him, don't you? Go with him, and have a load of fun while you're with him too. Okay?"

I smiled and took her in a strong embrace. "Oh, I love you mom. Thank you."

"I love you too. Never forget that. Here." She let go of me. "Call him downstairs."

I ran to the foot of the stairs and called Johnny. "John, come down! Hurry!" When he got closer to me, I tackled him in a huge hug too.

"What, what happened? Ah, jeez Angie, stop squeezin' me so tight."

I released him and looked at him. "Guess what? I'll be packing my bags tonight." I smiled, and he started to.

"Wait, you mean you're comin' with me? Really?"

I nodded. "Everything's fine, I'm quitting my job, I'm leaving everything behind. I want to come with you, baby."

"Wow, that's...that's great!" He looked over at my mom. "Ms. Black, you wont have to worry about anything. I'll make sure she doesn't get into any trouble."

Mom laughed. "Angela's a good girl. She'll behave herself in New York, right honey?"

Johnny and I looked at eachother and burst out laughing. We both knew that wasn't true, but we kept quiet anyways.

"John, if we're leaving in the morning, we need to pack up right now!"

"Yeah, you're right. We should get a head start."

. . .

"Okay, that's about everything." I placed my last t-shirt in my suitcase and zipped it up. "Wow, look at my room, it's so...empty." My walls were bare. Nothing. My bed was made up, and there was nothing on the floor like there usually would be. A wave of sadness and nostalgia crept over me.

"You alright, babe?" John went behind me and held my waist. "You look sad."

"Oh no, I'm happy, it's just...well look at my room! I can't believe Im actually leaving. I've...been in this room my whole life. I admit, I guess I am a little sad."

He bit his lip. "Ya sure about this? Sweetie, if you feel like you're not ready for this, I can always just-"

"No, John. I want to go with you. I've made my decision. This room...it's apart of me. It was the place I went to when I felt the world turned it's back on me. When I felt lonely. I'd spend time here to think, you know?" I sighed. "I'm going to miss it, but I think it's time I let it go. I have to move on, and be with you. I need to explore the world. I can't do that if I'm stuck in Baltimore for the rest of my life. Besides, I _have_ to see Marky again and give him a big hug."

Johnny laughed. "You miss Mark, eh?"

"Yeah, I miss all of them. Especially Dee Dee, he was so funny." I decided not to mention Joey on purpose. The last thing I needed was another argument over him when we were supposed to be packing up to leave. "Hey, I have to ask you something."

His green eyes widened. "Hm?"

"Well, I know this sounds weird, but...I was wondering if I could hang up a few of my Ramones posters at your house?"

Johnny snickered.

"It's just, I wanted to take just a piece of my room with me." I kissed his cheek. "Please?"

He smiled and rolled his eyes. "Alright alright, whatever."

"Yay! Thanks, John."

"Not too many, though. Last thing I want is to try making love to you while seein' Mark's face." He gagged. "Oh man, I don't even wanna think about that."

I bursted into laugher. "Dude, your sense of humor has me rolling on the floor. Do you know that?"

He chuckled and said, "Yeah, I know. It gets your friends goin' too it seems."

I gasped and put my hands in my face. "Shit! I have to call Mayra and tell her I'm leaving. Oh Jesus, I'm such an idiot, why didn't I think of that before?" I ran downstairs to the phone and placed a call to Mayra's house. I told her to come to see us off, and she said she'd bring the others also.

I was going to miss that girl. She was my best friend since seventh grade. We did everything together, and now...now I was leaving her too. I knew she'd probably tell me tomorrow not to feel bad, that I should go, just like mom said to me. But I still couldn't help feeling a bit guilty. I was leaving both of them in this godforsaken town to live the life of a musician's girlfriend. I was gonna go to Japan, Italy, Australia. Everywhere! And they'd still be here. It was then that I realized that they should share that same excitement, and so I'd call and invite them to tour with us every once in a while.

After I hung up the phone with Mayra, I began to get excited. My sadness phase was gone, and all that was left was knowing what I'd be experiencing. Did I ever think that I'd be this close to the Ramones as this? Did I know this at the time of being a teenager and watching them on my television, hoping that they'd pop out of the screen and Joey would sing to me in that voice of his? No. Did I know I'd eventually end up with my idol and favorite member of the group? No, I didn't. I Couldn't have possibly known that any of this would happen. Was this even reality? I swear, I could wake up any minute from this dream...why did it feel so much like one?

"Well, New York, here I come..."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

This was it. I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock, but not for work. I'd called my boss last night and said that I "unexpectedly" had to quit and move somewhere else. Ha! Whatever...I was free of my job, forever!

"John! John! Hey, wake up, man! Get up, it's the morning." I shook Johnny violently in the bed like a little kid would. He groaned and yawned in the process. "Come on, John. Wake uuup!"

He jolted upwards and sighed. "Jesus, lady, what is it?"

"Baby, it's the morning. _We're leaving today!_" I screamed joyfully and threw my pillow up in the air. "Oh man, I can't wait to get the hell out of here."

Johnny grumbled and turned over in the bed, taking his pillow from under him and putting it over his head. "Oh, Angie, will ya go to sleep?"

"John. It's the _morning_." I snatched his pillow away and threw it on the floor. Then I jumped on top of him and kissed his neck. "Wake up baby. Please?"

He sighed. "Alright, alright. Get off me."

I moved over and laughed. "Oh, quit being so grumpy. Want me to make you some waffles?"

He turned and faced me, his eyes suddenly bright at the mention of food. "Waffles, mommy?"

"Yes. But if you want them, you'll have to leave the bed and come downstairs."

"Okay, mommy." He smirked. My heart stopped.

Within five minutes, he joined me downstairs for breakfast. I swear, only food would get him this excited. I still didn't understand how he didn't gain any weight. Why was it that women had to be the ones to look like fatties all the time when we ate something? If I were ever jealous of John, it was because of that.

He sat at the table and I gave him his plate. He looked closely at the waffles and made sure that the blueberries I put in there were in every hole.

"Oh, will you stop it and eat your damn breakfast?" I laughed and washed my hands, then sat with him at the table. "So, we're _driving_ to New York, right?"

"Well of course, we have to babe." He chewed noisily. "I mean, how else is the van gonna get back to where it belongs? I borrowed it, remember?"

"Yeah, that's true. I'll bring some money for the road and stuff-"

"Nah nah, you don't need to worry about that. I got all that." Johnny finished his last waffle and got up to put his plate in the sink. "I'll take care of it."

"Are you sure?" I smiled.

"'Course I'm sure. I've got it figured out. But honestly...if we're gonna be in New York later on this afternoon, we're gonna have to leave now."

My heart sunk. "Right...right now? This early?"

"Yeah, we gotta go. Where's your mom?"

"Oh, I think she's coming down soon. I'll call Mayra and the others too so they can say goodbye."

. . .

"And don't have so much fun to the point where you're not watching the road. And call me often, you hear? I'll be mad at you if you don't call. Oh, and don't have too much sex, I don't want you getting pregnant. Life is going to be stressful for the both of you as it is-"

"Oh my god Mayra, will you ever stop talking?" That girl could talk up a storm, my goodness. "I'll be fine. You know I'll call you and everyone else too."

Mayra looked shocked. I never saw this look on her really. I mean yeah she'd been surprised before, but this was a different kind. It was a sad kind of shock that she was in. And just as I knew, her eyes welled with warm tears and she looked down at the concrete. "I'm sorry, I...it's just I...you're my best friend." She fiddled with her hands. "And now, you're leaving. I guess I just don't know how to react, really. I'm just...I feel like I'll be empty now. You know?" She cried harder and put her arms around me.

My eyes teared up too, but I tried to lighten the mood. "Hey, now May. You act like I'm dying or something." I chuckled and wiped her eyes. "Come on, lighten up, girl. You know I'll always be here for you. I'll call you and always invite you over to stay with us whenever you like. You know that. So come on, don't cry." I kissed her forehead and hugged her tighter. "Believe me, I cried more than you did just the night before. But don't worry, I'll be alright."

Mayra sniffled and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I know. And I'm so happy for you two." She looked over at Johnny and reached her hand out to him. "Come here, John." Her voice was soft and kind.

Johnny walked over to her and held her hand. "Yeah?"

"Now listen. Angela...I grew up with her since middle school. I've been friends with her for nearly ten years now. She means alot to me, and I know she means alot to you too. So be good to her, okay?"

"Of course." He smiled. "I'll tell Joey you said hi too."

She blushed and kissed Johnny on his cheek. "Thank you. It was so nice meeting you. And I admit...I used to be one of those people that hated you before, but I don't have any reason to hate you now. You're a good guy, John."

This was the first time in my life that I ever saw Johnny with the look that he had on his face. He was completely appalled, but I knew he'd try to hide it like Mayra's comment mattered none to him. "Uh...thanks. Thank you. That's, uh...that's nice o' ya to say."

"Well, we should be getting on our way now. Bye, everyone!" I gave my mom and friends one last hug and kiss and got in the passenger seat of the van.

As we drove off and farther from my house, there was a certain kind of feeling I had. A sense of freedom...of destiny. It was like I could do anything. I truly felt independent now. Maybe this was what it felt like when you finally moved out of your mother's house. Pure, unrefined liberation. And it felt amazing!

Johnny and I sang Elvis (his idol) and other stuff on our way. We took a couple of rest stops for food and the bathroom, and were back on the road again. It was about 12:30 when we finally arrived in New York City. We drove to his house in Queens, then took the Long Island Railroad to the East Village. Johnny and I walked up to an apartment building, and he knocked on the door. A guy with a mustache answered it.

"John! You're back!"

Johnny smiled. "Yup. I brought back this wonderful lady with me too."

The man looked in my direction, and I tensed. I never saw him before. "Um...hi."

"Hey, how are ya?"

"I'm doing okay, and yourself?"

"Just fine, just fine." He nodded politely.

"'Ey Monty, where's everybody?" Johnny scratched his head.

"Oh, they're inside. Come on in, we're just chillin'."

Johnny took my hand and led me inside. And just like two years before...that same familiar smell hit me like a huge wave and washed over my nostrils. The putrid stench of cigarettes. I swear, by the time I was fifty I'd have lung cancer. Then, that was when I saw Joey lounging in a loveseat. I let go of Johnny's hand and ran towards him. "Joey!"

"Hey, Angela! Oh man, it's been ages!"

"I know! I've missed you so much." I embraced him in a hug and he chuckled. "I missed you too. How ya doin'?"

"I'm great now that I'm here in the Big Apple instead of that stupid town I came from."

His laugh was beautiful, a hearty, full laugh. I could see his bright teeth through the dark hair that blocked his face. Joey was still incredibly shy, it seemed. "Yeah, been a while since we went to Baltimore."

I chuckled. "Yeah. I'm so glad I'm here! Where's everyone else?"

"Oh, Dee Dee and Marky went out to get us some food and stuff. They'll be back soon, though."

"When they get here, I'm going to tackle them too."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

I intertwined my hands with Joey's. I barely knew him, yet he felt like an older brother or someone I could trust. I loved Johnny with all my heart, but there were probably some things that I couldn't talk to him about because we'd end up fighting. I certainly didn't want that, or rather, I'd try to avoid it as much as possible. "I really missed you, Joey. I missed all of you. I was so upset when you guys left."

Joey nodded. "Yeah, I saw ya. You were crying. I remember."

My face turned a light pink. I didn't know my crying was that noticeable when Johnny was getting ready to leave back then. I should have been better about that. "Oh...sorry."

"Nah, don't be sorry darlin'. You were sad, I mean what can ya do. Ya know?"

"Yeah, that's true." I put my arms around him. "Well I'm glad I'm here now."

"Me too."

I had to admit, it would be easier if I had a guy like Joey as a boyfriend. But this was my challenge that I had to see if I could handle. Loving a man like Johnny Ramone was very hard. I knew that at times I'd probably want to tear my hair out, or _his_...but there was just one thing...I was in love with him, and I probably always will be.

Johnny was difficult, but it was his assertiveness, his inner strength that attracted me in the first place. It was what drew me in the first moment I saw him. I knew he was different. He wasn't nice like the rest of the members. He was a hard person to try to get along with. That was why he was known as the unfriendly Ramone. But I knew it was just a front, really. I knew who he really was...

Johnny only acted that way because there had to be some kind of father-like figure in the band. Rock and Roll was full of too much freedom, too much instability and too much rioting. He was the one that made sure noone got out of control. I think if it weren't for Johnny the Ramones probably wouldn't have went as far as this. The Ramones needed John to keep things stable around here.

He walked back from some room he was in and asked for a beer. I hoped he didn't get upset that Joey and I were sitting this closely together. He looked over at us...and didn't do anything. Hm. Maybe he cooled down a bit after that long trip. Just then, Dee Dee and Marky walked through the door with tons of bags. Junk food, probably.

"Hey look, it's Angela!" Dee Dee saw me sitting on the couch. "It's been a while since I've seen ya."

"Yeah I know." I got up and kissed him on the cheek, then hugged him. "I missed you, Dee Dee."

"Aw, I missed you too. Glad to see ya again." He chuckled. "Um, Angela?"

"Hm?"

"I uh...I kinda need to put these bags down, so..."

"Oh! Oh I'm sorry. Would you like some help?"

"No, no. I'm alright. You just sit down and look pretty."

I blushed. "Well, alright then. Hey, where's Marky?"

"Right here, sweetie." He waved his arm, and I spotted him out. I waved back at him. Why did I feel like Riff Randall from "Rock and Roll High School"? Well, whatever...

"Angie."

It was Johnny's voice. I turned and faced him. "Yeah, baby?"

He patted his thigh, motioning for me to sit on his lap. I laughed and walked over to him and sat. He put his beer down next to the chair he was sitting in, and wrapped his arms around my waist. I loved the feel of his fingers on my stomach. He had huge hands, and they were warm too. Lovely combination.

"Um..." Marky chuckled as he took out all of the food from the bags. "Is it just me, or did she just call him 'baby'?"

"Yeah, she did just call me that." Johnny smiled. He moved his hands up towards my arms and used his thumbs to caress my biceps. Jesus, where had he been all my life?

"Oh, I see now." Marky smiled and nodded. I blushed. I hated getting attention this way. "Okay. Well anyways, we bought some uh...like a bunch of crap, so everybody," He pointed towards the mountain of bags of chips on the small wooden table, "Go and eat whatever ya want."

Everyone got up and rummaged through the junk food.

"Here babe, let me get up," Johnny said. Of course. Even after we stopped by a small diner on our little road trip he'd want to eat again. Why am I not surprised?

I sighed and got up from him. I wish men didn't eat all of the damn time. For the next half an hour, I was filled with a room full of guys chowing to their hearts content and chugging beer. Great. What was I supposed to do now? Watch them?

"Uh, so guys...how have you all been?"

They made caveman sounds and nodded as their mouths were full. I had to laugh at that.

"I got your new album! Sounds great."

"Wait, how'd ya get it? We didn't even release it yet," Dee Dee said.

"John gave it to me as a present when he came to see me in Baltimore."

"I told 'er she should consider herself pretty lucky. She's the first person in the world to have our new album." Johnny reached his hand into another bag of chips.

"Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, you _are_ lucky." Joey was on his third beer bottle. Boy could that guy drink! I wondered how long it would be before he either passed out or threw up.

"Uh, Joey?"

"Yeah, darlin'."

"Um...you might wanna take it easy on those beers."

"Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. I drink much more than this."

He_ did_? Jesus..."Oh, okay. Well still. I mean I don't want you to puke, you know."

All of them suddenly laughed at me. "What?" I smiled. "Did I say something funny?"

"Joey drinks more than my fucking grandma on Christmas." Marky walked over to the sofa. "You don't understand. He drinks beer like its water."

I laughed. "Damn." I looked around the room. "Oh my god, you guys are such pigs! Look at this mess!"

The guys looked at each other and just shrugged. I scoffed and started picking things up.

"Where's the broom?"

Dee Dee pointed to a corner, where there was a broom (which looked very new and unused) sitting patiently. I picked it up and began sweeping. "How long have you guys been here? You guys, this place is horrendous."

"Sorry Angela, but we're men. We don't clean." Marky said and all of the boys laughed.

"Yeah, yeah yeah..." I put the broom back and walked over to the small table to clean it off. I threw all of the empty potato chip bags in the trash and swept of the crumbs with my hands. Then I got rid of the beer bottles and put them in the recycle. "There. All finished."

All of the guys looked at me in disbelief, and especially Johnny. I guess he didn't know I could really clean.

"Damn John, that's one fine woman ya got there," Dee Dee said. "Oh stop it Dee Dee, you're married." He shook his head vigorously.

I chuckled and blushed. Who knew that seeing a woman clean up a room would be such a turn-on to men?

"Yeah, back off, or I'll kill ya." Johnny got up from the chair and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist again. "She's _my_ lady." He kissed me in front of everyone.

"Alright alright, enough of this lovey dovey crap," Joey said. I guess seeing John and I make out was making him queasy. I could understand that. "We got stuff to do. So let's get to it."

"Oh yeah, we got songs to write. Dee Dee, you said you had some new stuff that we could do?" Johnny kissed my cheek and walked away. I sat in a sofa and just watched everyone. No wonder the Ramones made albums every year or two. They were always working!_ Always. _I felt like everyday from now on was going to feel like an adventure, like something new was about to happen. I could feel it. What was better than hanging around your favorite rock and roll band and watching them at work on making more beautiful music? I sure couldn't think of anything else.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and everyone fell silent. Who could that be? Dee Dee walked over to the door and opened it. It was the mailman. Dee Dee thanked him and closed the door. "Let's see here...oh I got a letter from Vera!"

"Who's Vera?" I asked him curiously.

"Oh, she's my wife. She sent me something."

"Aww, that's really nice."

Dee Dee chuckled. "Yeah...okay uh, here Joey, this is from your brother Mickey."

Joey took the envelope from Dee Dee. "Thanks, man."

"Mark, it's your aunt again."

"Oh brother..." Marky chuckled and took his mail.

"Oh and John, this is for you. It's from your mom."

Johnny took his mail from Dee Dee wordlessly.

"John!" He turned to me. "Say 'thank you'."

"Thanks." He smiled.

I rolled my eyes. I was going to have to work with him on those manners of his. He opened up his letter. From the look on his face I knew that something was wrong. He was frowning more and more as he read it, and then...all of a sudden, he dropped the letter on the floor and put his face in his hands. "Oh no. Oh god, please no." I ran to his side at once. "Baby, what's wrong?" The rest of the guys talked all at once, wondering the same thing that I was.

"John? You alright man?"

"What happened?"

"John, what's up? Somethin' happen?"

Johnny regained his composure and left the room, slamming the door behind him. What in the world...what was going on that made him so upset? Joey picked up the letter from the floor and read it outloud:

_Dear John,_

_I knew that I could have called you, but I knew you'd need time to react and I know that you don't like to let me see you when you get upset. There's something I must tell you sweetheart. Unfortunately, your dear father has died. He was on his way home last night from work and passed out from heart failure in the car. An ambulance was called and he was brought to the hospital. I was notified about fifteen minutes later and rushed to see him. But...when I got there, they said he was dead. I know that this is hard for you, but when you're ready, please give me a call and we can talk about it together, and we can arrange the funeral, you and I. I love you very much John, and please stay strong for me. I love you. _

_Your mother,_

_Estelle Cummings_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

"Oh my god...his dad died?" Dee Dee had a look of pure disbelief on his face. We all did. It was hard for anyone to believe. _I_ couldn't believe it.

"Oh man...wow. What are we gonna do? We still gotta do this fanmeet tomorrow. John has to be there." Marky sighed.

"No." I shook my head. "No, we can't do that to him. Just say that he had something important to do. But we can't just make him go out there."

"But John will be alright for a couple hours-"

"Marky, look. It's not that easy. I know you cant understand, but I can. My dad died last year. And it was really hard for me to get back on my feet. And it's even worse for John because at least I'm a girl and I can cry in front of people. John can't do that. You all know how he has a thing about his pride and all that. He wont let down for a _minute_. I don't even think he'll let himself cry when he's alone...and it's not healthy, but that's what he'll do."

"But that's the point," Joey said. "John is strong enough to be in front of people and not break. So why can't he do this with us?"

"Because Joey, honey..." I whispered. "It will be _killing _him. You hear me? He'll be tearing apart on the inside if he's in front of other people. What he needs right now is just some space. _From everyone_. Including me. Everyone needs to keep their distance from him for a while."

"Okay, yeah. She's right guys," Dee Dee said. "Let's just not bother him. He's gotta be by himself. Ya know, just be alone so he can think this out. And Angela?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry to hear that about your father. I guess you _would _know out of all of us what this is like."

I nodded, my eyes filling with tears, and my voice squeaked as I spoke. "I know all too well. And I hope that maybe John will open up to me so I can comfort him."

"I know that he loves and cares about ya Angela, but I don't think he's gonna let anyone do that," Joey said softly. "He's always been the kinda guy to just take whatever life throws at him. He just stores his feelings away and doesn't let up for anything. He's always been like that. Since I met 'im."

"Yeah, I mean, Dee Dee and Joey knew John way before me. I've known 'im for like...what, since I joined the band right? Like around '78." Marky looked at the other two guys.

"Yeah," Joey and Dee Dee said.

"Yeah so like six years. And even _I_ know he's like that. He's just...uh, he wants to be strong. And you don't really get it 'cause you're a woman, ya know? But when you're a man like us, and especially the way John is...to him, his pride is everything. And he'll do whatever it takes to maintain that 'hey, I'm a badass and I'll fuck you up' kinda attitude. Ya know? And uh...so, he's _really_ goin' through a hard time right now. I honestly feel bad for him. I mean, and he was kinda close with his dad too, so that's real fucked up for him to just die all of a sudden and then John finds out the next day just outta the blue. That's just real fucked up."

"Oh, my poor baby. I really wish I could just hug him."

That night, no one said anything else. There was no songwriting, there was no socializing, no nothing. Everyone just sat and looked around at each other. Johnny was still out by the time we all went to sleep. And I even woke up the next morning to see that he was still gone. I guess he really just needed some time for himself. But we were all going to have to face him. And I knew for a fact that it wasn't going to be pretty. Johnny was going to yell at everyone. We had to be extra careful, because we knew that when he got back, he'd be snapping at everyone. Even me. And we should avoid him being angry as much as possible.

. . .

_The day after..._

"Hey, come on. Let's get a move on. We're gonna be late for this thing. The fans get impatient, ya know."

Johnny seemed to be acting like normal. I had to give him props. He really knew how to hide how he was really feeling. He didn't look sad, or tired (he was out _all night_). Just his normal, fast-paced self. But he was a little off though...he seemed to be focusing extra hard on certain things. And it was harder to get him to break away from whatever he was doing to do something else. That definitely wasn't normal. Not for Johnny. My poor boyfriend was dying on the inside, I knew. And everyone else knew that too, but they didn't say a word. No one said a word about it.

But deep inside, Johnny was crying. He even held it together when he was signing things for the fans. He smiled, took pictures with them, and none of them knew what was really going on inside his head. Only the band and I knew.

Johnny didn't call his mom at all. He was simply in denial of the fact that his father had died. I understood this feeling, because I went through it for a couple of weeks. Then...I completely lost my mind. I lost it. I'd have insomnia, night terrors, and I wouldn't eat anything. Johnny wasn't there to comfort me at the time either, so that just made things worse. One night...things really got bad. He got into a fight with Joey again over something stupid.

"Look man, fuck off. Just...look, we'll just deal with it in the morning." Joey yawned.

"No! We're gonna do it now! I don't wanna wait until tomorrow. You all are a buncha lazy ass fuckers who do nothin' around here. Who ends up doin' all the work? Me! And nobody helps me. I get no fuckin' help, 'kay? So do what I fuckin' say or I'm gonna give ya a bloody nose. I'll beat the shit outta ya, you better listen to me-"

"JOHN! STOP IT, NOW!" I stood in front of Joey.

Johnny chuckled humorlessly and nodded. "Ok okay. So I see what's goin' on here. I shoulda fuckin' known. You're in love with this fucker, aren't you?"

"John, cut it out. I love Joey like a brother and a best friend. Just stop it, you're being ridiculous."

"Fuck that, I see the way you look at 'im. And he looks at you the same way." He looked at Joey. "Betcha you're givin' me payback for me stealin' Linda, is that right?"

"Fuck you, man! I'm not a douchebag like you are. You're just mad 'cause everyone likes me. You've always been jealous of me, ever since we started the Ramones. You're mad 'cause I get all the fuckin' attention, and poor little Johnny, the _guitarist_, doesn't. Get over yourself, man. That's life, just deal with it."

"You think I'm _jealous_? Joey...when are ya gonna learn that this has _nothing to do with you_?"

"You know what, John? You're right. It has nothing to do with me. Right, right...you know what the problem really is? YOU. You even run away from yourself, ya know that? You cant even be honest with yourself. That's real fuckin' sad, man. Here you are. It's been like, what, two weeks since your dad died and-"

"Don't you dare talk about my father!" Uh-oh. Joey struck a nerve, and Johnny was now even more furious than he was before. "No one talk about my dad. NOBODY!" He stormed out of the room, slamming the door extra hard behind him, almost making my ears bleed. Jesus, some boyfriend I had...one thing was for sure: I definitely knew how to pick them. This was going to be harder than I thought. I turned around to see Joey looking tired and exasperated.

"It's okay Joey. I'll deal with him. Just try to get some sleep okay? I'm sorry."

"No, no, you didn't do anything. It's alright, I know he's going through a lot of shit. But you should warn him. Next time, I'm gonna punch a hole through 'im if he talks to me like that again. Seriously. He thinks I'm weak, but one day he'll see how strong I really him. I'll prove it to 'im by hurting him."

"I'd rather you men weren't so barbaric when it comes to settling things, but whatever. Get some sleep, okay?"

"Alright. Night darlin'."

"Goodnight, Joey." I looked at Dee Dee and Marky who were sitting on the couch in silence. "'Night Dee Dee, 'night Marky."

After they said goodnight, I went after Johnny. I opened the door and closed it behind me. "John, I'm so disappointed in you. Why would you say something like that?"

"Like what, Angela?" He was using my full first name. That was when I knew he was really angry with me.

"Why would you think that I'm in love with Joey?"

"Well, are ya?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course not, John. I'm in love with _you_. I've always been in love with you. It's always been you. Why would you think I'm in love with someone else? Joey and I are JUST FRIENDS. That's it. We're only friends."

He sighed. "You must think I'm the biggest shithead on the planet right now, huh? It's alright, I know I am." He sat down on the bed and reached out his arm. "Come here, sweetie." His voice was soft. I walked over to him and sat next to him. He put his arm around my shoulders and I leaned closer to him. "I'm really sorry. I really don't mean to be like this, I just...I-"

"I know what it is. You miss your dad. Don't you, John?"

He was silent, and looked down at the floor.

"Baby, it's alright to miss him, you know. I think of my dad every single day. I miss him so much...it's okay to cry."

"No, no Angie. You don't understand. I can't cry. I don't know how."

"John...what? Oh come on, everyone knows how to cry."

"I haven't cried since I was ten years old. Seriously, that was the last time."

"So there was nothing between then and now that made you sad?"

"Well yeah, I got sad, but I wouldn't show it. I don't ever show it. I just yell or get mad. But I never, _never_ cry. Never."

"Maybe you should."

"No. Men don't cry. That would make me weak. I'm stronger than that. I come from a long line of men who endure, who sacrifice. Why should I be any different?"

"John, it's not normal not to cry over someone close to you who passed away. It's completely normal. You shouldn't think that it's weakness, or whatever you think it may be. In fact, holding in your feelings like this doesn't make you strong. It makes you an idiot. You shouldn't do that to yourself. And I know this is torturing you to act this way. I know what it feels like to lose someone you love, baby. That's why I'm saying this. You need to stop this foolishness and just get your feelings out. I'm right here if you need to talk. And I wont make fun of you. You know that."

Johnny sighed and put his hands in his face. "Man, I'm exhausted."

"Well you should be from all that shouting you did with Joey out there. I'm not surprised."

He just sat there, completely quiet.

"If there...if there was one last thing that you could say to your dad, what would it be?" I stroked his hair. He sat up and thought for a minute.

"I'd say, 'Pops, I know we didn't have much of a father-and-son relationship, but I'm glad that you raised me. And I'm glad to be your son.'" He paused, then continued. "'I know I never told you often, but I love you. And I always will.'" He paused again, then spoke, his voice cracking a little. It was starting to happen. His denial stage was finally disappearing. His chin slightly trembled. "'And...I know you never told me that often either but...I know you love me too. And...I'll miss you. More than anything, Pops. I love you.'"

My eyes were getting watery listening to Johnny speak. I never saw him be so sincere about anything in his life. Or at least, in the couple of years that I'd known him. He never showed this kind of emotion, ever. And honestly, I was a little shocked. "That was beautiful."

"Angie..."

I sniffled. "Yes?"

He looked me in the eyes. "I think I just remembered how to cry again." He buried his face in my shoulder. Johnny's sobs could have woken up the entire world that night. But most importantly, Johnny woke something up inside of himself. Something that was locked away and was finally being opened. I embraced him tightly and tried to comfort him as much as I could. He was finally having a break-through. And as sad as this moment with him was, I was happy for him.

"There, there...it's alright, darling. I'm here. I'm right here." I kissed his forehead. "I'm here, John. Alright, just let it all out, it's okay." I held him and gently brushed his dark brown hair. "It's gonna be alright, you'll see. We'll get through this together, okay? I promise. I'm here for you..."

"I feel so weak, Angie. I feel... like I'm not strong."

"Yes you are, John. You're one of the strongest people I know. But everyone has their weak moments. It'll be alright. We'll get through this..."

"I miss my dad so much." He sobbed louder and held me tighter. His grip was hurting me, but I dealt with it for the time being. He needed me. "I miss him so much. I just wish he weren't dead. I wish none of this happened..."

Johnny didn't fall asleep until about five in the morning. I tucked him in, gave him a kiss, then went to sleep too. I was exhausted. But I went to sleep knowing that things would be much more different from now on...


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

I woke up the next morning to a cloudy day. In fact, I looked closer to see that it was raining. I saw Johnny on the other side of the room sitting in a rocking chair and playing with his hands. His face didn't express anything but pure sadness. His eyes were the saddest that they ever were. His hair, instead of being straight and long, was all over the place and tangled. I looked over at the clock. Noon. I was still a little tired from what happened last night, but I decided that if Johnny had the guts to be awake, then so did I.

The way he looked scared me because he reminded me of the way I would look during those two years that he was gone. Johnny wasn't there and I had to go through that pain all by myself. But now, he had someone here for him. I knew he wasn't completely as bad as I was. Johnny had too much pride to try and kill himself like I tried to, and I knew that even now, he'd still hide how he was really feeling around the rest of the members. But still...I wasn't used to seeing him this fucked up. And I knew that it'd take a lot of work to help him recover again as much as possible. I was the only one here who saw him with his guard down, so I knew he loved me enough to trust me on helping him to become better. "J-John?" I sat up more in the bed.

"Hi, Angie." His voice was a strained whisper. "I went to sleep last night...dreaming of my dad, and I woke up. I couldn't sleep after that." His eyes were red and he had dark circles underneath them.

"Baby, you should try and rest-"

"I can't. I can't sleep."

"But you must be exhausted."

He nodded slowly. "I feel like I might drop dead any minute now." He dug into his back pocket and took out a pack of cigarettes. What the...Johnny didn't smoke.

"Baby, why-"

"I haven't smoked since I was in my early twenties, but now I have to all the time." He lit one and sat there blowing smoke into the room. Great. Now my boyfriend was a smoker.

"John, listen. You really should get some rest-"

"You know what hurts the most, Angie?" He coughed. "I didn't talk with my dad for like two months. And the last time we spoke...he yelled at me about how he didn't like the fact that I was in the Ramones." He laughed humorlessly then continued. "My dad and his brothers never really approved of me being into music."

"But aren't you glad you didn't listen? I mean John, music is your passion. This is what you love."

He shook his head slowly. "I don't know what I love anymore. I don't know...I just don't know."

I never saw Johnny this miserable in my entire life, and it was really breaking my heart. His sadness outgrew and sapped away the anger he had, which I knew was part of his personality. He had nothing left, really. And it pained me to see him in this kind of mood. I felt like there was nothing I could do to help either, which made me feel even more awful.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door.

"Come in." I sat up.

It was Dee Dee. "Uh...hey, look I know this is real bad timin' but uh...the guys were gonna go out for a couple of drinks. You guys wanna come? 'Ey John, maybe it'll help ya to just be numb for a bit, ya know?"

Johnny didn't respond, just continued to pollute his lungs with the cigarette squashed between his index and middle finger.

"Sorry Dee Dee, but we're just gonna stay here for now. Thanks a lot though," I said.

"Alright. Well see ya later." Dee Dee put his hand on Johnny's shoulder. "Feel better, man."

Johnny said nothing.

The door closed behind Dee Dee, leaving dead silence. Neither I or him spoke. What was there to talk about? I felt like there was nothing I could say to cheer Johnny up. He'd hit rock bottom, and it really hurt me to see him this way. "Baby, are you hungry?"

Johnny shook his head. "No." He smoked on his cigarette more. "I don't plan on eating anything."

"John, you _have_ to eat something-"

"Well I don't fuckin' feel like it, 'kay?"

I shut my mouth after that. I got up from the bed and walked over to the window. I was beginning to miss my room back in Maryland. I missed my mom. I missed Mayra. I missed everyone. I heard Johnny sigh, then I heard footsteps approach me. I felt warm fingers make their way to my arms, then I felt soft lips on my neck.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry, Angie."

"It's alright, I know I'm being annoying."

"No, no no." Johnny kissed my neck again. "I know you're just trying to help." He took his hands off of me and leaned against the wall next to the window, staring down at his hands. "I know I'm not the easiest guy to be around, Angie. But I'm trying. I'm really trying." He sighed. "Look, I know you love me, but I think it's important I tell ya this."

My heart skipped a beat. "Is something wrong, honey?"

He shook his head. "No, I just need to get this off my chest. And I trust you."

I took his hands. "I know you do. Tell me, what's up?"

He sighed. "Well back in my early twenties, like a couple years after I graduated high school, I was kind of a delinquent. I…I did terrible things to people, ya know? I stole money and beat people up. I was…" He laughed humorlessly. "God, I was bad. I was a real bad kid. And lookin' back, I really don't know why I did those things."

"You just needed somebody to love you. You needed someone to be there for you."

"Well I had friends and stuff, but-"

"Were they real friends? Or just people you hung out with and drank with?"

He said nothing after that.

"John, I mean real people that were there for you. You probably didn't have that, so it made you sad."

"I wasn't sad, I just-"

"Yeah you were, deep inside. Way deep inside you, you were probably sad that you didn't have people you could count on. So you acted out in being a delinquent or whatever. I took a psychology course in high school, actually. So I might know you better than you know yourself."

Johnny laughed. "Yeah, I guess you would, eh?"

I smiled and kissed his nose. Then we became serious again. "But John, you have someone here for you now. I told you that I'd never leave you. I'll always be here for you no matter what. I'll listen to you when you need to yell at someone."

"I shouldn't yell at you, though. You don't deserve to be treated that way by your own boyfriend." He put his hands on my face.

I shrugged. "I'm used to you yelling. I understand you get angry sometimes."

"So? Doesn't matter. I still shouldn't do it. I'm sorry I've been acting weird lately. I just really miss my dad."

"I know John." I grabbed him and hugged him. "I know…I miss mine too. You and I are in the same boat here."

We stayed that way for a long time. I was hoping that some type of miracle would occur. Something good had to happen. Life has been too shaky, too unstable. I wanted it all to be good from now on. And somehow, I sensed that coming. I just didn't know when.

"You know, babe? I think I'm startin' to feel a lot better."

I nodded. "That's great to hear. I'm glad."

"And I think you're right. I never had any real friends at that time. You're my best friend, Angie."

My eyes filled with tears and I looked him in the eyes. "You really mean that John?"

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I mean it. You seem to understand me when no one else does. I don't know how or why, but you do. And…man, I love you so goddamn much. I don't know how I survived two years without you in my arms." His mouth crashed on mine, and he kissed me sweetly, leaving small, sexy pecks on my lips and jawline. Then he moved his mouth back to mine and we kissed passionately.

I suddenly felt warm tears on my cheeks. Those tears weren't mine. They were Johnny's. His tears mingled with mine and we both cried silently together while kissing. And although my eyes were closed, I felt warm sunlight hit my face. It stopped raining. I think that was a sign that sunnier days were coming toowards us. No more sadness, no more…life was about to get so much better for the both of us. And I felt for the others as well…but what in the world was going to happen?


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

_Two days late__r_...

I looked over at the clock. It was 6:27 pm. The sky was darkening..."I have faith in you, baby. Just call your mom and help her schedule the funeral."

Johnny had been sitting in the living room the whole day debating on if he was ready or not to call his mother to make funeral arrangements for his father. "I...don't know if I'm ready, Angie. I just don't know-"

"You _are_, John. You're ready. Just call her. I'm right here with you."

Johnny finally sighed, got up and walked over to the phone. A couple of clicks sounded, then..."Hi, mommy."

I tried to stifle a grin. I thought it was sweet that he still called his mother "Mommy".

"Mommy, I got your letter...yeah, I got it. Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner, I was just shocked. I miss him so much, mom...yeah, I know. I know. 'Kay, so does Thursday sound good? Yeah, I can definitely make it by then. Okay...I love you too, mommy. I will. Bye."

"What did she say?" I walked up to Johnny and held him by his waist.

"She said that she has everything set, but she just needs me to come to the funeral." He paused and looked into my eyes for a moment. "Will ya come with me?"

I shook my head. "No, honey. This is something very private between you and your mother. I'll stay here and keep everyone else in order while you're gone."

"Alright." Johnny sighed, then pushed his hair back. "_Please_, don't let anything get outta hand. You gotta treat these guys like children, sometimes. Especially Dee Dee."

I laughed and nodded. "Yeah, don't worry, John. I'll have them under control. They're grown men though, so it shouldn't be that bad, right?" I snickered when I saw Johnny's reaction to my question.

He chuckled. "Yeah well…the Ramones are different. They really do act like children."

"Does that include yourself?" I smiled at him.

"No, not me."

"Oh yeah right. Sure, okay." I playfully shoved him. "You know you're just as bad as the rest of them sometimes."

He shrugged and said nothing else. "I'm gonna go buy a tux for the funeral-"

Suddenly Marky ran into the living room. "Guys, we gotta go now!"

"What happened, man?" Joey asked.

"Yeah, what's goin' on?" Dee Dee was swaying back and forth. He was completely out of it. "Are we gonna have a party?" He laughed and twirled around like a ballerina.

"Nah, man. We ain't gonna have a party. There's gonna be a fuckin' riot here in a couple of seconds."

"Marky, whatya talkin' about?" Johnny became furious. "What's goin' on?"

Marky walked to the door. "Oh no. They're comin'."

"WHO'S COMING?" Everyone said in unison.

"Fans! Crazy fangirls!"

I could definitely relate to those girls who were bound to be here any moment now. I could have been one of them, but I wasn't anymore. I do admit though, I sometimes still miss those days of obsessing over Johnny through the TV and "Rock and Roll High School". Those were the days when I was still a virgin and had a mind like spreading fire. I was a wild child back in those days. But actually being with Johnny now and actually seeing both the wonderful and terrible sides of him has probably calmed me down a little...

I heard screaming and stomping, like a herd of elephants were approaching the door. "Oh no! What's gonna happen? What are we going to do?"

Johnny ran over to the window and opened it. "Guys, there's a ladder. Let's go."

One by one, we all climbed out of the window and down the ladder. Marky went first, then Joey. Johnny made me go down first, then he went after me. He had to carry Dee Dee down because he was so high that he had no idea what was going on.

When we got to groundlevel, the fans were already running out and screaming. So…we made a run for it. We were literally running for our lives. I knew the fangirl world. And I knew exactly what they did to groups that weren't prepared. They would tear them to shreds. And girls…we have nails, and those can easily scratch and injure if we used them the right way. In some ways, fangirls were worse than groupies. MUCH worse.

Johnny grabbed my hand and we ran into a small alley and hid. He was panting like crazy.

"Does this happen often with you guys?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Nope…nope, usually everything's under control."

From a distance, I could see Joey and Marky being chased by a small group of girls. Joey tripped and fell, hurting his knee. Marky ran off to look for Dee Dee, and the girls swam over Joey like a wave and were upon him.

"I don't even know how the fuck those girls knew where we were. I mean, it was a pretty secluded area…sort of."

"John, come on! We have to help Joey. He's being attacked."

Johnny reluctantly ran close behind me. I tried picking Joey up and getting him away from the girls.

"Hey, come on cut it out! Joey isn't a fucking toy, get off of him!" I finally got Joey up from the ground and dragged him behind me, trying to get him away from those crazy, blood-thirsty fans.

"Who the fuck are you, bitch? You aren't his girlfriend," one of the girls said, chewing her gum loudly and crossing her arms.

"Excuse me…" Joey put me behind him this time. "But she just happens to be one of my good friends. So treat 'er with some respect, alright?"

The girl stared in astonishment at Joey, his tall figure looming over her, intimidating her. Her attitude immediately changed. "I…I'm sorry Joey."

"Thank you. And please, no more followin' us. 'Kay?" Joey began running the opposite way, probably to find the others. Johnny and I weren't far behind him.

We found two girls licking Dee Dee's face over on another street. And he was sleeping in the process. Johnny scoffed. "Get lost, whores."

"John! Don't say that!" I hit him in the arm. "What's the matter with you?" I turned to the girls, their eyes expressing awe and pain at the same time. "Listen, I'm sorry about my boyfriend. He can be a little-"

"Wait, you're his girlfriend?"

"Yes, I sure am. And I'm sorry about his rude behavior." I looked over at Johnny who was rolling his eyes and sniffing snootily. I sighed. We were definitely going to have to work on his politeness. "But this is very important. Can we please have Dee Dee back?"

The girls gave Dee Dee to me reluctantly, then walked away. Mission accomplished.

"Hey, Angelaaaa…" His voice was slurred. "What's happenin'?"

"John, can you take care of him for a while?"

Johnny groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Please, honey?"

He shrugged and placed Dee Dee's arm around his shoulders. "You okay?"

"John, come on man. Let's party!" Dee Dee's eyes rolled back and he started humming some unrecognizable tune.

"No! We ain't gonna fuckin' party. We gotta find some way to get away from here."

Marky ran towards us. "I think we got rid of 'em all, but we should leave before they all come back."

"You're right," I said. "Who has a car?"

The guys looked at eachother. It was obvious neither of them had a car. And Johnny had the tour van parked by his house.

"We're gonna have to take the subway," Joey said. All of them sucked their teeth and got upset. Except for Dee Dee, who seriously had no idea what the hell was going on…see, I wasn't from New York, so I didn't know why the others got so mad at the idea of taking the subway. I never took it my entire life! So I guess I'd just have to see what all the fussing was about, and if it was really worth it...

We went down an underground entrance for the train. On the walls were graffiti and there was a mentally unstable person pacing back and forth and doing weird gestures with their hands. My heart tensed and I began to get uncomfortable. I suddenly felt a warm soft hand grab my cold, sweaty, shaking one. I turned to see that Joey owned that hand.

"Don't worry Angela. It'll be alright. Stick with us, and you'll be okay down here. We'll protect you."

Now I understood why taking the subway in New York was such a drag…it wasn't even _close_ to being safe. God, just when I thought I was out of the woods…something else always comes and gets in my way. I sighed and held Joey's hand tighter, putting my trust in him.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

Joey placed his arm around my shoulders and held me closer to him. His warmth calmed down the raging fear in my heart. I could feel it pumping wildly, ferociously inside me, wanting to tear out because I was completely terrified. I needed to stop being such a wuss, though. People here in New York rode the train everyday, why was I any different from them? I was gonna have to get used to the fact that this was going to be part of my commute. It couldn't be helped. "Joey..."

"_Angela_, come on, don't be that way. It'll be alright, darlin'. The subways not that scary. I know it seems that way now, but you'll get used to it. I promise."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, I just...I've never done this before."

"Nah, no worries. I can understand. Just stick with me, you'll be alright."

"Hey, we need some fare. Anybody got quarters?" Marky asked, then searched his pockets. "Well, I got enough for me. John, need some change?"

Johnny searched his pockets. "Yeah, I'll pay ya back the two bucks tomorrow."

"John, it's alright, I'll pay." Joey took out his wallet. Everyone stopped talking. What the hell was going on here? Was Joey actually volunteering to pay Johnny's fare? Or was this just some kind of misconstrued dream that I was in? Because seriously, this just couldn't be real. And I could see from the look on Johnny's face that he was just as shocked. This was just completely out of the norm.

"Uh…thanks, Joey." Johnny looked down at the ground awkwardly, almost as if he was emabarrased at what just happened. I was honestly just glad that he had enough manners to thank Joey. I was afraid he'd just stand there like a dumbass and not say anything. He had a tendency of doing that. Johnny was definitely my most intresresting boyfriend. I'd dated two other guys back in high school, and they were boring as fuck compared to Johnny. But they were also what you would call the "nice boys". They were the kind that did what they were told.

They cleaned up nice, got good grades, treated their girlfriends nicely, didn't talk back to anyone, and let society step all over them. Johnny was a rebel at heart, and that's why I loved him. Why I didn't want anyone else but him. He showed a different side of America, the really fucked up side. He and the rest of the Ramones represented what society did to those who didn't exactly fit into their standards. The outsiders, the freaks who didn't belong. I liked freaks, so I liked them. They reminded me of myself alot of the time. I was a bit of an outsider as a teenager. I still kind of was…in a way.

After everyone paid for their fare (I managed to have some spare change with me), we walked down the stairs onto the platform. I read the stop sign that we were at. It said "Bleecker St". My eyes moved to the further description of which trains came by there. "Hey guys, I have a question."

Three of them turned their ends. Dee Dee was still whacked out from whatever kind of drugs he took back in the apartment, and as a result, made creepy faces and gestures with his hands that were indescribable. I tried not to laugh, but…a small snicker escpaed.

"What's so funny, babe?" Johnny had a smile creeping up his face. Laughs really were contagious.

I laughed more, and pointed at Dee Dee. Joey, him and Marky all turned to look at him, then burst out laughing as well.

"Ya know," Marky began to say. "This reminds me of that time when we recorded 'Rock and Roll High School', and Dee Dee was just completely fucked up, just like now."

Johnny laughed louder. I never actually heard what his laugh sounded like, because it would always be muffled or something by the audience if it was during an interview or whatever. When he laughed genuinely, he produced a really high pitched laugh that had me almost dying on the floor with my _own_ laughter!

Suddenly, everyone broke out into hysterical giggles, and none of us could stop. We stopped when we heard a sound.

"Oh, train's comin'," Joey said.

"Where are we even going?" I asked.

"Oh shit, that's true. I guess we didn't think about that, huh?"

"Let's go to Arturo's loft. He'll let us stay the night there." Johnny fixed the collar on his leather jacket. "We can all go home after wards, then meetup later for the interview we have tomorrow."

"Okay, sounds good," Marky said.

"Tomato, potato, NACHO CHEEEEEESE!" Dee Dee shouted. "Ole! OLE!"

I put my face in my hands and broke into laughter again. Count on Dee Dee to make you smile when you need it the most. Next time I'm in a bad mood, I'll just ask him to help me feel better. I heard tracks rumbling, and a hand pulled my sleeve back...

"Don't stand too close to the edge of the platform, darlin'. People get pushed and die." **(this really does happen in NY sometimes)** Joey pulled my arm back further and made me stand behind him.

"Gee, so much for making me feel safe."

"I'm sorry, I don't wanna scare ya, but it's happened before. So just step back alright?"

I smiled. "Okay. I'll remember next time."

When the train arrived, there was a number 6 on it. It screeched and stopped, and it's doors opened, hundreds of people pouring out. I clung to Joey's hand, and he returned the favor protectively. I knew it was probably easy to get lost in a crowd like this. We got on the train and stood. Even though I could see some seats available, Marky told me we were only going about three or four stops. Suddenly, I heard whispering from a couple of girls. One of them had blonde hair and seemed to be staring at Dee Dee immensely. The other stared at me, almost as if she were angry. I'm pretty sure I didn't know her, I didn't know anyone in New York City excpet for the Ramones.

They walked up to the band and started to get excited.

"It really is them!" The blonde girl said.

"You guys are the Ramones, right?" her friend said. She had brown hair.

"Yup, that's us." Joey smiled. "You want an autograph?"

"No, Joey. No, I want you." The brown-haired girl walked up to Joey and kissed his cheek. "I'm Josephina."

"My name's Rosy." She smiled and kept looking at Dee Dee. I knew she probably had a huge crush on him. I was just glad neither of them liked Johnny that way for obvious reasons that didn't need explaining.

Great, we had to deal with more fans on our trainride. How in the world did these guys put up with this shit for the past eleven years? I guess that's something I'll never understand...


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

I walked over the train doors and just stood there watching Joey flirt with the girls. The blonde girl walked closer to Dee Dee and started playing with his hair. Dee Dee smiled and put his hands on her. "Dee Dee, didn't you tell me you're married?"

The blonde girl, Rosy, glared at me. "This is none of your business, bitch. You're not his mother, let him do what he wants." Her eyes reeked of hatred. Why was I so hated by every girl I encountered? Oh. Right. I was with the Ramones. I forgot about that. I guess to me they were just regular guys now. They were still my favorite band, but I've spent so much time around them that they were like the brothers I never had. Well...with the exception of Johnny, of course.

Dee Dee slipped his hands on the girl's waist. "Rosy, ya wanna come with us to where we're goin'? You can stay the night with us if ya want. And bring your friend too."

I put my face in my hands and sighed. Why didn't anyone ever listen to me? Dee Dee was lucky I didn't call up his wife and tell her that he was cheating on her. Well, whatever. It was his life I guess.

Josephine was twirling her fingers in Joey's hair and blushing like crazy. I seriously didn't understand what attracted girls to Joey. I mean, I guess he's always been like a best friend, kind of like Mayra was, so maybe that's why I didn't see him that way. And besides, Johnny hated me and Joey talking to each other. He was probably still suspicious that I liked him. Which obviously wasn't true at all. And I'm sure to Joey, the feeling was mutual. So I don't know what the heck his problem was. I was gonna have a talk with him later about that when we got to Arturo's place.

We came out of the tunnel and arrived at another stop. The name of it read "28th Street-Park Avenue South".

"Hey." Johnny was trying to get everyone's attention. But Marky was talking to some random guy, and Joey and Dee Dee were too focused on the new groupies. "HEY!"

Everyone in the train car stopped what they were doing. I sighed and hid in the corner. I was almost tempted to say that I had no relation to Johnny because he was embarrassing the FUCK out of me right now!

"It's our stop. Quit fuckin' around, lets go." Johnny straightened himself up and turned around, about to exit the train. When the doors opened, we wordlessly followed him out and up the stairs to the outside streets. It was cold and I was shivering. Johnny was in the front, and I walked next to him.

"Hi, baby." I smiled, and he smiled back, then put his arm around my waist.

"Hey," he said, then kissed my cheek. He sighed. "God, today's been fuckin' crazy."

I nodded. "Yeah. It's good we can finally wind down and just relax. So anyways, you're gonna go see your mom on Thursday, right?"

"Yeah, I have to. That's the day of the funeral. Please come with me."

"John, I told you, I cant. That's between you and your mom. Do you know how awkward it would be if I showed up at your dad's funeral trying to introduce myself to your mom? Poor thing is probably going to be crying the whole time, and she'll need you to be there for her. When she's ready, she'll meet me. But right now is just not the time."

Johnny sighed and nodded. "Alright, alright. Well, I'll still tell 'er you said hi." He squinted his eyes and looked ahead. "Oh, we're here."

We walked up to a stylish loft and stood there. Joey walked up to the front and knocked, then rang the bell.

There was a young man who looked like he was Spanish who opened the door. His eyes widened when he saw us. "Joey? Guys, what-...whatcha doing here?"

"Hey, Arturo. Well, it's a long story, we can explain if you let us in."

So _this_ was Arturo. He was kind of cute, actually.

"Alright, is it just you and the guys?"

"Nah, we got about three girls with us, too."

Arturo sighed, rubbed the bridge of his nose, then finally said, "Alright, come on. Come on in."

Joey motioned the rest of us to come inside and we all walked in. Arturo's place looked really nice. He kept everything clean and tidy.

"So, those of you who've been here before...that means you guys, Joey, Marky, Dee Dee and Johnny, you all know the rules. No throwing things, don't make too much noise, don't eat all my food, you know, all that stuff. Now, for the girls...well, _you_ lovely ladies can do whatever you want since you're new here." He smiled.

All of the guys groaned and sucked their teeth playfully. I just smiled and continued to look around the loft.

"Aw come on, how come they get to do whatever the fuck they want and we don't?" Dee Dee asked laughing. "That's fucked up, Arturo."

"Oh, a special rule for you in particular, Douglas. No dope around here. Got it?" I took it that Douglas was Dee Dee's real name, and I stifled a snicker.

"WHAT?" Dee Dee's eyes widened and his mouth flew open. "Come on, man. I just wanna do a little." He took out his marijuana stash from his back pocket. "I'll let you bum a cigarette with me if you let me do some of this."

"What brand? Is it Newport?" Arturo held out his hand.

"Nah, Marlboro."

Arturo sucked his teeth. "Damn, I hate Marlboro. Alright fine, just gimme one. And DON'T do so much dope, I don't want this place smelling like it."

"Alright, alright. Whatever." Dee Dee waved him off and lit up a cigarette for Arturo and himself.

Johnny took off his jacket, his famous navy blue "Chatterbox" shirt showing underneath. He then grabbed my hand and led me over to the sofa. He sat down first, then I placed my legs across his lap.

"Oh man, it feels good to sit down again," I said. "My legs hurt from running so much today."

"Yup, sure does feel good." He pulled my arm towards him. "Come here and cuddle with me. I'm cold."

I laughed. "Me too." I took my legs off his lap and moved over closer to him. Johnny put his arm around me, then pushed my head back. He moved all of my hair from my face and ran his fingers through it, then he leaned forward and kissed my neck. His warm breathing tickled me and I got goosebumps. "Ah, John. That tickles." I put my hand on his face, it felt all scratchy. "You need to shave, mister." We both chuckled.

"Yeah I know. I'll do it when we get home tomorrow." With my fingertips, I felt his mouth. His lips were smooth and soft, as usual. Why couldn't I have a mouth like Johnny's?

"Did I ever tell you how much I love your lips?"

Johnny laughed. "Uh, no. Not really."

I leaned forward and kissed him, then lightly bit his lower lip. He moaned pleasurably, which made me burst into giggles. "You like that?"

"Mm, god yes," he mumbled against my mouth. "Do it again, babe."

My face changed color. "You're embarrassing me, John."

"Aw, you're so cute." He smiled and pushed his hair back so that he could look into my eyes.

"And you know something else?" I asked.

"Hm?" Johnny cocked his head slightly to one side and listened.

"I really love your eyes too. They're so beautiful."

"Well thank you, but you're even more beautiful." He chuckled and kissed my lips again. When our mouths parted I said, "No, _you're _beautiful."

"No, YOU'RE beautiful." He tickled me, and I squealed and tickled him back. This went on for probably five minutes. I knew that only I could get Johnny to act this mushy. I had the key to his heart.

"Do I have your heart, John?" I asked him.

"Forever." He put his face close to mine, our noses touching. "And I have yours, right?"

"Of course! Nobody else. Which is why I don't understand why you get so mad when me and Joey talk."

He sighed. "I was just jealous, alright? I mean, you know Joey, he gets all the girls. And I mean...I know I took Linda from 'im but I was just scared that he was getting revenge on me by trying to talk to you."

"Well I do love Joey, but definitely not in the way that you think. So don't worry about it. He's like an older brother, you know?"

"I'm sorry I acted like that." He looked down like a child who did something bad.

"It's okay." I smiled and kissed his nose. "But I still think you and Joey need to have a heart-to-heart conversation. It would do you both some good, seriously."

Johnny sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes. "Whatever..."

"I'm serious, John! It's stupid the way you guys act towards each other, and it has to end sometime, you know?"

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Look, I'm gettin' tired. Let's talk about this another day."

Johnny was avoiding the subject again. I hated it when he did that. "Alright fine, another day. But just remember what I said-"

"Yeah, yeah I hear ya, now can we go to sleep?" He looked up at me. "Please?"

I chuckled and cuddled closer to him. "Okay, sleepyhead. We can."

Johnny circled his arms around me, and as we were trying to fall asleep, we heard female moaning coming from one of the rooms across the hall. And I suddenly heard, "OH DEE DEE, YEAH! HARDER! OH GOD YES!" Oh my Jesus...it was that new groupie Rosy. The one who couldn't take her hands off of Dee Dee. And now he was fucking her. How wonderful.

Johnny got up from the sofa, seriously annoyed, and stomped his way to the room that they were in. He pounded on the door. "KEEP THAT FUCKING SHIT DOWN, I'M TRYIN' TO FUCKIN' SLEEP, MOTHERFUCKERS!"

At that moment, I couldn't stop laughing. This was hilarious! I saw Joey in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of beer, and he was laughing too. Boy was this going to be an interesting night...


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

"Dee Dee, I swear to god I'm gonna knock down this door if you two don't keep the goddamn noise down." Johnny's voice echoed all around the place and vibrated. He sure could be loud, I'll give him that. I mean, it wouldn't hurt to have a quieter voice, but when he did yell, it sure got people's attention quickly. He turned to me. "I'm sure we're not this loud when we...you know."

I chuckled. "Well, don't forget the first time we did it together. Remember how much I screamed? I probably sounded just like Rosy does right now."

Johnny's face slightly changed to a bright pink. "Yeah, I remember that alright." He laughed. "I was tryin' to shut you up but you wouldn't." He walked back over to the couch and sat down next to me again. He rubbed his arms. "Damn, it's really cold in here. Arturo!"

Arturo came rushing out from his room. "Yeah, John."

"What's with the fuckin' temperature, man? It's freezing in here!"

"Oh! Oh, I forgot to turn it back up. I kept it cool in the house 'cause I was waiting for my new painting to dry."

"Well, can ya turn it back up? Like, I'm dyin' here." Johnny's face for a split second looked really blank, then he sneezed.

"Bless you," I said and laughed. Then I _couldn't_ stop laughing. What was wrong with me? All of the guys (excluding Dee Dee, who was currently fucking the brains out of Rosy in the other room) looked at me with weird looks on their faces. Joey stopped drinking and put his beer glass on the counter, and Marky froze from making his sandwich to look up at me. Johnny's face was the funniest of all. I laughed harder. "Oh god, I'm sorry." My giggles I was sure could've been heard by Arturo too, who was in the other room probably shaking his head at my stupidity.

"Uh...Angie?" Johnny raised an eyebrow. "You alright babe?"

I laughed harder for no reason at all. God, I had to be the weirdest girlfriend he ever had. I bet Linda never acted like this.

"Ya know, I only sneezed," he said and chuckled. "I don't see how that's funny, but-" He stopped mid-sentence and sniffed the air. "Ah shit. Now I know why you're actin' so fuckin' weird...you're high."

"Whaaaaat..." I giggled again and fell backwards yelling obscenities. Wow, my head felt light...

"DEE DEE! You motherfucker..." Johnny mumbled under his breath, then sucked his teeth. "I told 'im not to smoke that shit around here. Now you're fuckin' high. Great."

I sat up and squeezed Johnny's cheeks. "Aw, baby it's alright. I'm fine, I'm fine." Then I got up from the couch and twirled around in circles, just like Dee Dee did earlier that day in that other apartment we were in. I felt a pair of hands hold me steady.

"Okay Angie, alright. Come on, cut it out. You need some sleep."

I giggled and turned around to see Johnny putting his hand on my calves, then swinging me off my feet and carrying me. "Oh John, you're so fuuuuuny!"

He sighed and carried me to another room, then carefully placed me on the bed. He brought the sheets to my torso, and tucked me in. Even though my head felt light, and I wasn't too aware of what was happening around me, I was aware enough to know what he was doing. Johnny was taking care of me. No one had ever really done the things he did for me. Suddenly, I began to cry. I was beginning to feel better, and I was more alert now.

"Hey, hey." Johnny sat beside me on the bed and stroked my hair. "What's the matter?"

"Thank you," I whispered to him and sat up, wrapping my arm around his shoulder, then putting my head on his chest.

"Babe, what'ya talkin' about?"

"Thanks for just being there, you know?" Why in the world was I crying? There was nothing to be sad about. Man, I was really such a baby. It was amazing that Johnny could stand all of my incessant blubbering.

"Well of course I'm always gonna be here for ya, Angie. I love you."

That just made the tears in my eyes well up even more.

"Angela, what the heck are ya cryin' about?" He held me closer and kissed my lips. His lips were _so_ soft. I kept his face close to mine. I liked the way Johnny breathed on my nose. It comforted me. Actually, everything about him was comforting to me.

I calmed down and sighed. "I'm sorry, baby. I don't mean to be so moody. I think I might have my period tomorrow. Maybe that's why I've been so...just-"'

"Completely outta whack?" Johnny laughed and kissed my temple. "It's alright, I understand." He wiped the final tears from my face and forced me to lie down. "Get some sleep, sweetie. I'll see you in the morning."

"Wait, aren't you gonna sleep too?"

"Not yet, I have some things to take care of."

I raised an eyebrow at him. Something didn't sound right to me. "Like...?"

"Uh...ya know...stuff."

"John William Cummings, tell me the truth."

"I'm..." he started to whisper. "I'm gonna try to talk to Joey."

I gasped. "Tonight?" I felt my face breaking into a huge smile. "Honey, that's great! It's about time you two had some closure."

He sighed. "Can I be honest with ya, Angie?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"I'm actually kinda nervous about this...I mean, we never had an actual conversation. Just small talk, ya know?"

"Well John, nows your chance to make everything better. Go ahead, I'm gonna get some sleep. I'm seriously exhausted."

He gave me a half smile. "Wish me luck."

I chuckled and kissed his nose. "Good luck. 'Night."

Johnny kissed me, then turned the light out and closed the door. if he thought I wasn't going to watch this moment in Ramones history happen, he was dead wrong. I HAD to see this. So when he closed the door, I got out of the bed, and creaked it slightly, just enough so that I could see what was going on. Oh man, this was going to be exciting!

Johnny walked into the kitchen, where Joey sat gulping his beer and reading a magazine. Dee Dee was in the other room with Rosy, the other girl, Josephina, had already gone home, and Marky was passed out on one of the sofas, snoring away.

"Hey." Johnny looked down at his pockets, probably not sure where to look.

Joey looked up, confused. "Uh...hey John. You...okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine. Listen, uh...can I grab a beer?"

"Sure, ya wanna talk about somethin'?"

"Actually, yeah I do." Johnny went into the fridge and grabbed a beer bottle, then sat down next to Joey. He used the bottle opener beside him to loosen the cap, then sat back and took a swig, directing his attention to Joey. "What's that?"

"Nothin' just a magazine. They're talkin' about the Dead Kennedys and their live show the other night."

It seemed like forever that the two said anything else to eachother, then Johnny suddenly said, "Listen, Joey. I think it's time you and me had a talk. You alright with that?"

"Talk about what, John?"

"Ya know, all that shit that happened years ago with Linda and other crap like that."

Joey sighed and pushed the magazine away. "Ah, that." I could already tell by his face that he was getting uncomfortable. I hoped they didn't end up fighting again. This really needed to get resolved. "I mean honestly, there ain't much to talk about John. What's done is done, ya know?"

"I know, but...I mean, I know before Linda came into the picture we never liked eachother that much, but it just got worse afterwards. And...ya know Joey, she hit on _me_, man."

"Well, you could'a told 'er no." Joey was beginning to get angry. Oh god, I dreaded this would happen. "But ya didn't. You slept with 'er anyway."

Johnny sighed. "Yeah...I know. I'm sorry, man. I...look, I wasn't trying to get back at you or anything. I promise. But...man, that night...I'd had a couple drinks and she did too. And that was it. I just...fell in love with her."

"With _my girlfriend._"

"I know Joey, I feel bad about it now. But I swear to god it wasn't intentional. I mean it, 'kay? It wasn't. And you know me and her didn't last long anyway. So...I just want us both to forget about all that and just move on."

"John, you don't get it man, do ya?" Joey shook his head in disbelief. "Linda was the first girl I ever fell in love with. She was my first girl...and you took her. It's easy for you to get girls, but I cant do that man. I don't have good looks like you. Fuck, you really could get any bitch you wanted. But you had to take Linda. And why? 'Cause _I_ was with 'er."

"Joey look dude, I already told ya it wasn't intentional. It just happened." Johnny sighed and took another drink of his beer. "Listen, it really doesn't fuckin' matter now. I'm sorry Joey. Okay?"

Joey said nothing.

"I was wrong for doing that. That was a dick move, but I didn't mean anything by it. And besides...you get all the girls, not me."

"John, what the fuck are you talkin' about, man? You know that's not true!"

"Yeah it fuckin' is! Everywhere we go, girls are callin' your name. Trust me, you shouldn't look up to me when it comes to shit like that. I got the looks, yeah, but that don't mean anything. For some reason, they all like you." He paused before speaking again. "Ya know, I really hate to fucking admit this but...I guess you're right. I am a little jealous of you."

Oh my god. He actually finally admitted it. I knew for Johnny this seriously couldn't be easy. His pride literally just died on him. I listened more to where the conversation was going. I'd predicted earlier that this night was going to be pretty long. And I was right.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

Johnny knocked the hair from his eyes and sighed, then sat back in his chair. "Fuck, it's really getting late."

"I forgive you, John. It's just...I wasn't sure what to do after we got into that fight, and I was honestly real hurt, ya know? Like, we're bandmates, man. We're almost like brothers, we shouldn't act this way towards each other."

"It's mostly my fault, though. Not just because of Linda, but a lot of stuff. I never really had a legitimate reason for hating you, I just did because you're a Jew. And my dad...he always made jokes like that about people that were different, and I guess I picked up after him." Johnny rubbed his nose. "It's not right, though. And I'm sorry I said those things to you. Guess I'm just ignorant." He snickered.

"Yeah. Yeah you are, John. I'm not gonna lie, you are ignorant. There's a lot o' stuff that you don't know. But you don't have to be that way, ya know."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, if it makes ya feel better, I make fun of my own kind sometimes too. My dad and I used to joke around and talk about Irish people and how they like to party and get fuckin' wasted all the time."

Both guys burst into laughter, Johnny with that same high-pitched laugh that made me laugh every time I heard it. I clapped my hand over my mouth so they couldn't hear me. Even though it was kind of funny, it was still nice to see, FOR ONCE, these two getting along with each other. Finally! This was the moment I was always waiting to see happen. For a while, I thought it would never happen, but I'm really glad that it did. Seemed like things were turning out quite nicely.

After a couple of minutes, they were breathing hard and coughing.

"Oh god, my stomach hurts," Joey said and chuckled again.

"Mine too."

I found it amazing that Marky was still asleep in the living room after all the noise that Joey and Johnny were making laughing so hard. That man could probably sleep through anything.

"Anyways, I gotta get some sleep, man. I'll talk to ya tomorrow." Johnny got up from his seat and was about to go upstairs.

"'Ey, John, lemme ask you somethin'."

"What?"

"You love Angela?"

He nodded. "More than anything in the world. Oh yeah, that reminds me of something...I'm sorry too for accusing you of flirtin' with her. I'm just real protective, and I guess sometimes it just makes me jealous."

"Eh, it's alright man, I get it. I mean, I love Angela like a sister. I'll always be there for her, but I don't see her the way you do."

Johnny leaned in closer to Joey. I had to really listen carefully to hear what he was saying.

"Hey, don't tell 'er this, alright? But I'm planning on askin' her to marry me soon."

Joey's eyes widened. "Damn, really?" He smiled. "That's great, John! She'll be shocked when you ask her."

"I mean, she already knows I love her, so..."

"Yeah, but Angela can sometimes over think stuff, and even though you say you love her, she's the kinda chick who doesn't really get that. You gotta prove to her that you really do. Or she'll feel like she's worthless compared to you."

How is it that Joey knew my heart this way? That was something I could never tell Johnny. But it was true. My weakness was trusting people. I've been betrayed too many times to count, lied to, cheated on, you name it. And god knew I loved Johnny more than my own life, but I still had a small wall built up inside me. It was even more dangerous because I knew that if Johnny decided he'd hurt me and betray me, that would probably kill me the most because I was so in love and attached to him.

My trust in him was severe. And if he destroyed that, I'd have nothing left. It would probably be worse than when we were apart for those dreadful two years. Still though...didn't it mean something if he wanted to marry me? Johnny was really serious about our relationship, it seemed.

"I already show her I love her. I don't know what else I can do."

"You don't have to do anything, just keep being there for her. She likes that."

Johnny looked at the corner of a wall for a minute, then nodded. "'Kay. 'Night, Joey."

"Alright, see ya tomorrow. Oh and one last thing."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"You shouldn't be jealous of me."

Johnny looked down and continued to walk up the stairs. Joey went back to drinking his beer and reading his magazine. When I saw Johnny beginning to walk towards the room, I ran back into the bed and pretended to sleep. With just my ears, I heard Johnny walk in and shut the door. Then I heard him shuffling with clothes. He was probably just stripping down to his underwear so he could climb into bed. Then I felt his body warmth as he got in. He wrapped his arm around my torso, and fell asleep.

I stayed awake that night. After knowing that Johnny was going to propose to me soon, I just couldn't sleep. But it sucked because now I had to wait. I didn't know how long it would take him to do it. But I couldn't, under and circumstances, mention anything about it. It would kill me on the inside, but I HAD to keep my cool around him.

. . .

In the morning I woke up first. I was usually always the first one to wake up. Johnny and his male mentalities impeded him from ever being an early bird. Later on, we departed to his house in Long Island. We were currently playing tag with eachother. He was it.

"Okay, I'm gonna find ya eventually...trust me, I will. You cant hide forever." Johnny searched everywhere, but he still couldn't find me. How hard was it to find someone in the bushes? I laughed, but kept my mouth closed so he couldn't hear me. I figured it would be a while before he found me, so I looked at the leaves of the bushes for a while, when I felt something. Well, I didn't exactly FEEL anything, but I just felt the presence of something...or someone-

"Found you!" Johnny grabbed me, but I playfully struggled away and ran away and out into the open of the backyard. We continued to chase each other until the sun started to set. Then we stopped, and Johnny fell on top of me. I found it really interesting how he only acted this playful when I was around him. Even though I was his girlfriend, in the beginning, I'd half expected him to act no differently than when he was with the boys. Conservative, boring and straightforward. But, when he was with me...its like everything inside him lit up. And every time we were together he was always so genuine in everything. In the way he talked and smiled...it was wonderful to see this side of him.

"Fuck! Angie, we gotta get goin'."

"Oh, right. The interview!"

"Come on, we can take the van there and meet up with everyone else." He took my hand and led me to the tour van. We both got in and sped off onto the highway. Hopefully we could make it on time, but it was hard because Johnny kept getting distracted by fans who spotted us on the road. And since he didn't wanna be a douchebag and not acknowledge them, he waved to them. Even though it was a little distracting, I knew he appreciated it. Johnny really did love his fans, and I knew he'd do anything for them. Just like I knew he'd do the same for me.

We met up with the rest of the guys, and they didn't look happy.

"You're late, man. What happened?" Dee Dee asked. I think he was actually sober for once in his life!

"Eh, some fans caught my attention on the way here. Anyways, when are we going up?"

"Fifteen minutes," Joey said.

"'Kay. Angie, baby, can you go over there and just sit while we get ready?"

"Sure, John. Good luck." I kissed his lips and he smiled, then walked away with the rest of the guys.

There were a group of girls talking in a corner. They looked familiar. When I walked closer, I realized it was Rosy, Josephina, and another girl that I didn't really recognize. "Uh...hi."

"Hey, uh, you're Angela, right?" Rosy asked.

"Yeah, I'm Angela."

"Listen...sorry about what happened last night on the subway. I didn't mean to sound that harsh, its just...oh my god, I've been in love with Dee Dee ever since I first laid eyes on him. Hes perfect in my eyes, and when he asked me and my friend Jo here if we wanted to stay over, I just couldn't refuse!"

"It's okay I understand. You'd get along with my friend Ann. She's got the hots for Dee Dee too."

Rosy chuckled. "Really? Ah, well tell her he's mine, alright?"

"I guess he IS yours now. I mean, you clearly fucked him."

"Yeah...well actually, he didn't actually _fuck_ fuck me last night. He did...other things. He fingered me and ate me out mostly."

Okay, that was way more information than I wanted to know. "Oh. That's uh...that's great. I guess..."

"I don't know, I think Joey's sexier than Dee Dee," Josephina said. "That Riff Randall chick was so lucky to meet him!" She sucked her teeth.

I laughed. "Her real name is P.J. Soles. And its just a movie, you know. That girl was already married when they shot that movie."

"Oh...oh, really?"

I nodded. "Don't worry though. I understand how you feel. Well, actually not really. I mean, I used to have a crush on Joey, but he's more like an older brother now."

"Yeah, you're with Johnny. Right?" Rosy's eyebrows lit up.

I turned red at the sound of Johnny's name. "Yeah. I've always loved him. It's like a dream come true me, really. I never thought we'd even meet eachother. Weird how stuff happens, huh?"

"Yup, I'll say." She took out a bag of marijuana from her jacket. "Want some? Dee Dee gave it to me."

What? Dee Dee actually gave up some of his drugs to someone else? What a shock! "Oh um...I don't do weed."

"You don't?"

"No, and besides, my boyfriend would kill me if he saw me smoking. So, I cant do it."

"You shouldn't let Johnny control you like that." The unrecognizable girl flipped her dark hair and lit up a cigarette. Her cleavage was exposed and all squeezed up in the shirt she was wearing, and she wore leather pants. "If you do, he'll eventually step all over you."

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"My friends call me Kat. I'm Marky's cousin."

"I didn't know Marky had cousins."

"Oh yeah, he's got alot. But we're the closest with eachother. Marky takes me to his gigs with the Ramones every now and then. I told him I wanted to see his interview so he took me here. I love going places with my cousin, we always have fun. We like to get in trouble." She chuckled and continued smoking.

There was a television that was backstage with us, so we were able to watch the guys there. It was starting, and all of us quieted down.

"_Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm Al Gomes, and I'm about to welcome a very influential group of rock and roll. I mean, these guys are just phenomenal, and everyone loves them. So lets bring out the Ramones!"_

"Blitzkrieg Bop" played as the guys walked on the stage. I saw Joey wave to the audience, and then they all shook hands with the host, then sat down in their seats. Sometimes it still caught me by surprise that I actually knew the Ramones now. Back when I was a teenager, I dreamed about this kind of stuff happening to me. It was still amazing, no matter how much I knew them now, to see them on a screen talking about whatever. And the way Johnny looked always made me weak in the knees and made me sigh like a young girl staring at the captain of the football team.

But Johnny was no quarterback. He was a Ramone. A slave of rock and roll. Just like the rest of us were.


	26. Chapter 26

**(thank you to a certain friend of mine for helping me with this chapter! I owe ya, hun.)**

Chapter Twenty-Six

The interview went on for about another twenty minutes, and the girls and I watched in awe on the television screen. Then the host said, "_Well, that's just about all the time we've got tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, the Ramones, once again!_"

The crowd cheered and that was the end of the show. I saw their shadows come our way to backstage. When I saw Joey, I ran to him and hugged him tightly. "You guys still cease to amaze me!"

Joey laughed his huge laugh and hugged me back. "Calm down Angela, it was just an interview."

"I know, but…you know I'll always be you guys biggest fan."

Joey smiled and kissed my cheek. Hopefully Johnny didn't see that, or I knew he'd have something else to say about it later. Luckily, from the corner of my eye, he was busy talking to some guy. After the boys finished up the interview, we all follwoed Marky and Kat and went to a bar and grill to get some food into our system before heading back home and just falling asleep.

We walked down the streets in a row, taking up the entire sidewalk. I held onto Johnny's arm firmly, happily thinking about he conversation that took place last night between Johnny and Joey. It was honestly a really great feeling I got just thinking of how they wouldn't fight anymore.

Then…that's when I thought about the proposal again. Anxiety had started to hit me then and there. When would he pop the question? Where? What would the ring look like? Would it be intimate? Would it be in front of anyone? I bit my tongue so I couldn't say anything further, and pushed the idea at the back of my head as I thought of more important things. The time just wasn't now to think of such things. I needed to think of other things so that the anxiety wouldn't kill me. I worried to much as it was.

"So, is this restaurant any good?" I asked.

Marky nodded, "Best on this street. My family owns it."

Kat, the tall, leather-wearing-huge-titted-black haired girl nodded, "My father owns the place. You'll get to meet him soon." She smirked to herself, dragging on a cigarette as she looked at Marky. I smiled at her lightly, not looking at her intimidating self for too long. I shifted my eyes to Johnny.

"Angie, what's the matter?" he asked. Oh no! He could tell I was distracted. I guess that the whole idea of Johnny proposing didn't exactly make it to the back of my head. I darted my eyes around a little before I was able to reply.

"Nothing baby, I'm fine." I smiled. I heard a scoff from a female, to see it was Josephina, who was clinging onto Joey and swooning. Joey kept his cool and continued to walk forward, as it nothing was going on. I seriously had to keep from laughing. Joey was so cool he could _choose_ to give attention to any chick he wanted.

"Oh Joey, this is the best night ever! Oh, I love you Joey...Joey?"

Joey continued to ignore Josephina.

I couldn't help but notice a familiar person coming towards us. It looked like someone from the paparazzi with a big flash camera. Sneakily the flashed it into our face, everyone's eyes shutting as quickly as possible and groaning. I never liked people like that.

Publicity was part of what Johnny did. I couldn't get mad at him for that. In fact, I was completely fine with it. Honestly, I didn't want the attention. But no relationship was perfect, right? There were always some hills you had to overcome. The only thing that I hated was the fact that the life span of celebrity relationships were never that long, really. But Johnny was a musician. He wasn't exactly in the same category, and neither were the rest of the Ramones.

When I was a young girl I'd read magazines about who was with who, and I noticed marriages could last as long as 4 months to 6 years. I didn't want that. I wanted to marry Johnny and be with him forever. I think that was the plan from the begginging. Some sort of force pushed me on stage that night, when I was just 19. When I first met him. I didn't know why, but it was fate.

No matter what the status between me and Johnny was, I would always love that one Ramone more than words could describe. From the famous play of 'Romeo and Juliet', I could rephrase it to 'tis is the east, and John is the sun'. Johnny was my life. No back up plan, just, you know, the only thing I could live for. It may have sounded a bit desperate, but I didn't care, because I knew that if ever his life was getting too much for him, I would be the one to be there for him when noone else would be. And he knew that. That was how much I cared.

While lost in all my daydreaming thoughts on my mysterious, sexy, appealing, sensual, arousing, loving partner, I failed to realize that we had finally arrived at the restaurant. Everyone filtered in through the doors, feeling welcomed into this place as if they were regulars. Actually, they were regulars. At least I was guessing. Johnny held the door open for me as I walked in, smiling at me. He joined my hand with his and we made our way to a large booth suitable for 8 people. A man with short, black, greying hair and big green eyes came to the table, a hearty smile on his face.

"Baby doll." He smiled at Kat. She leaned over to kiss his cheek, "Hey daddy. Marky brought the band over." She smiled innocently. Marky waved at what seemed to be his uncle, shaking his hand past the table.

"Tonight's on the house guys," the man said. Everyone cheered.

I smiled and looked at Johnny. "Then we should probably get looking at the menus." I commented as I opened up the leather book, seeing all these extremely delicious Italian and Irish plates.

"Just order a shit load of ribs or something," Joey suggested. "Wait, oh nevermind I cant. It aint kosher."

"Ah come on Jeff, live a little. Having somethin' that isnt kosher wont kill ya for one night, will it?" Dee Dee chuckled. "Come on."

Johnny tapped Joey on the shoulder, and Joey turned his head. "Well. If ya _do_ decide to eat anything tonight, you _have_ to try steak and Guinness pie. It's just like from Ireland. Amazing, seriously." Johnny smirked. I had to contain my excitement as the two were finally getting along. I had to admit though, it really was a weird feeling. I was just now getting used to the whole idea of having less tension in the house.

I mean, with Dee Dee having problems with drugs, Joey and Marky with drinking, and Johnny with being hostile, I guess there wasn't much peace. I was really looking forward for time to go by; for obvious reasons. I smiled to myself lightly, putting my hand on Johnny's thigh under the table. He jumped a little and laughed. "Babe don't do that, you scared me." He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"So what's really delicious on the menu?" I asked him spuriously as I looked up.

"Well, you could always try colcannon, or creamy kale. Not gonna lie, it sounds gross, but my grandma in Ireland made it whenever we would fly down there," he said, seemingly taking a walk down memory lane. I looked at the pictures, which did look quite appetizing.

"I want pasta. You can never go wrong with pasta," Rosy said to Dee Dee. They held hands and toyed with eachother's fingers on the table.

"We can share." Dee Dee smiled, looking at Rosy as if he was in love or something. I could tell she seemed to be, at least; I looked at Johnny the way she looked at Dee Dee. It was really cute to look at those two, but...poor Vera. Dee Dee must have totally forgot he was married. How was he supposed to explain the pictures from the paparazzi to Vera when he got home? I just shook my head. I guess it was Dee Dee's business. I still couldn't help but feel a bit upset about it, though. Rosy was nice, but she needed to lighten up with Dee Dee before shit got serious.

A waitress eventually came by and took our orders, scuffling away afterwards as if she needed our meals done in 30 seconds. She came by after a minute or two with a pitcher of Artois, everyone taking their own glasses.

"So, you guys touring anytime soon?"Josephina asked them.

Joey nodded. "Argentina next week. Can you believe it? Overseas. I cant wait." He smiled.

The men nodded amongst themselves. "It's like, our favorite place to tour," Dee Dee said. "Rosy, wanna go with us?"

She nodded. "I'd love to!" she exlaimed happily. I swear I could see two small hearts in her eyes as she said it, too.

I smirked a little to myself, then looked away.

"Look, you _have_ someone to keep you company." He smiled and looked in my direction.

I nodded. "Yeah, but you know? I was thinking…maybe I should stay back this time. You know, get to know New York by myself for a week or two," I suggested. Being away from Johnny? I didn't want to actually do it. But I felt like he could use his time away from me too, and plus, maybe he'd find me a beautiful ring in Argentina or something.

Johnny put his glass down and swallowed. "Wait, wait. Sweetie, New York can be dangerous, ya know. Especially at night. And you're not all that familiar with it. I don't want you to get hurt."

"John, I'll be fine. Okay?" The conversation from earlier between me and Kat was rising in my mind again. I finally knew what she was talking about. She was right. Johnny was being a control freak, but I knew he was only doing it because he cared. But even though that was the case, it actually was a little annoying. I made a mental note to talk to him about it later when we got home.

Johnny rolled his eyes and sighed.

"You can stay with me at my place of you want," Kat chimed, raising one arched eyebrow. She smirked a little to herself. "You're kinda like my family now too. Marky considers you a sister," she said.

I looked over at Marky who was slowly turning pink. "Aw Mark, how sweet!" I said and kissed his cheek. Everyone laughed. This was turning out to be a great night so far. "Thanks Kat, but I already have a place to stay. I live with Johnny, so while the guys are gone I'll just stay there at his house. It'll be fine." The food came along seconds later.

"Oh man, this looks amazing!" Dee Dee said. "Let's dig in, guys."

"Definitely," Joey said. And suddenly, it was like back at the apartment. The men just completely turned into monsters when they were around food. The dinosaurs of the 20th century. Johnny even got food on me while he was busy being a carnivore over his steak.

"Ugh, John!" I wiped the food off with a napkin and scooted away from him, closer to Rosy, who was giving Dee Dee the exact same look. Josephina moved away from Joey and and Kat did the same thing with Marky. It was honestly hilarious, but it was fucking gross! Why did men eat like this?

"Jesus, would it kill you all to use a damn fork and knife for once in your miserable lives?" Kat took a sip from her glass.

Me and Josephina laughed, and Rosy started to smile. Kat was pretty funny, actually. None of the men responded, just continued eating. Us girls tried as best we could to eat quietly and stay away from the males of the group.

No one really spoke while we were eating. I think it was because the food was really good, even though my boyfriend and his bandmates all ate like a bunch of pigs. Johnny had to have better manners than this! I had to hand it to Marky though, his cooking skills must've been in the blood line. That was the best food I tasted in _years_ from a restaurant!

The waitress from before came back and laughed like crazy when she saw us. "Wow, looks like you guys are really hungry! Is everything alright around here? Need anything else?"

The boys grunted like cavemen and I laughed. This was seriously hilarious. Rosy was laughing so hard that it looked like she was having a seizure, and Josephina put her hands in her face and smiled. Kat just shook her head and continued eating.

After a while, everyone was finished, and the guys didn't look so good. In fact, they looked a little green. Probably ate too much. What a bunch of boars.

"What's the matter, John?" I asked sarcastically. "Are your eyes bigger than your stomach? Hm?"

He stifled a burp. "No, no, what? No, never. I am perfectly fine, thank you." He looked away embarrassed. He knew I was right.

"Whatever." I said and smiled.

"I don't know, ya'll are looking a little sick there." Rosy chuckled and Josephina high-fived her.

"Listen, good food like this only comes once in a lifetime," Dee Dee said, trying hard to defend himself, but he held onto his stomach. "Oh…alright, maybe we went a little out of proportion with the food."

"Oh, you're just now realizing that?" Kat asked and pushed Dee Dee playfully.

Joey and Marky put their heads down on the table, looking worn out.

"Well guys, I guess it's time to head over to my place for the party," Kat said.

"Oh, you have a party tonight?" Dee Dee's eyes lit up. "Can we come?"

"Dee Dee, she's obviously inviting us. She just said it five seconds ago," Joey said and smiled.

"Oh. Sorry, I wasn't listening."

"As usual," Johnny mumbled.

We left the restaurant after giving a marvelous tip and we headed to Kat's place. But since she lived in Brooklyn, we all had to drive there. Since the tour van was parked nearby where Johnny left it, we all used that to get to where we had to go.

On the way there, we were all silent and just enjoyed riding in the car. Kat was driving. After about twenty minutes, we were there. As we got out of the car, Marky and Kat looked at eachother devilishly.

"Tonight's gonna be fun. I hope Angela likes to drink." Kat smirked. I smiled myself. I hardly had alcohol, so how bad could it be to get a little tipsy, right?

"Just not too much," Johnny grumbled. I put my smile away and nodded, the relatives opposite of us rolling their eyes. I never really thought of Johnny being controlling. It was just him, something I got used to. But what if he did step all over me? Kat's voice resounded in my head again. I was suddenly a bit scared, and squeezed his hand lightly. Then I leaned forward into his ear.

"Are you feeling alright, honey?"

He chuckled at my question. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You've just been kind of on edge all night. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just hate parties. Noone's in control. Somethin' always happens."

"John, for once in your life can you just have fun?" I looked into his beautiful eyes. "You always wanna go home and be boring. Live for once, babe. Come on, it'll be fun."

"We could always go back home," Johnny suggested.

I shook my head, "We should go out, have a little fun." I smiled. "Come on, baby."

Johnny gave me a half smile. "Alright, alright." After a couple of minutes, he seemed just as excited as I was to party it up a little, and he kissed my lips lightly before stopping on the sidewalk, outside of a sketchy looking apartment building. It looked like the kind of place the mafia would kill someone, to be honest.

But when we opened the door, it was like a whole new world was revealed.


	27. Chapter 27

**( I'm so sorry I took such a while to update, I've had a lot of things to worry about, so forgive me.)**

Chapter Twenty-Seven

None of us could believe what was going on. It was literally a riot in Kat's apartment! People in weird costumes were all over the place. In corners, there were people smoking and sniffing crack. I looked over at Dee Dee who's face lit up at the sight of it. The others looked a bit uncomfortable, with the exception of Marky and Kat of course.

"See? I told you coming here was a bad idea. Look at this place!" Johnny said. "We're goin' home, come on."

"Wait, wait John. I mean...alright so this isn't your average house party, but lets just try and enjoy ourselves." I was trying desperately to coax Johnny into staying. He looked like he'd leave any minute. "Lets just give it a chance, alright?"

He scoffed. "Angela, are you blind? These people are freaks!" He shook his head. "I don't like this one bit."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. His stubble made my lips itch a little. "Come on sour puss. Just enjoy the night."

He looked back over at me with logning in his eyes.

"_Enjoy the night, _John."

"Well, looks like MY kinda party!" Dee Dee took Rosy's hand and they went galavanting, meeting different people. Joey and Josephina followed after them and started dancing around other people. Glitter and other stuff was being thrown in their face and hair as they danced. Talk about eccentricity, jeez!

Suddenly, I heard the song change. It was a song by Cyndi Lauper. Everyone freaked out and got on Kat's living room floor to jam to the tune. I wanted to go too, but when I tried walking Johnny had his fingers around my arm.

"No." His eyes were fierce. "I don't trust anyone here."

I sighed. "Johnny, quit controlling me! I'm not your fucking slave!" I broke free and didn't look back to see what his face looked like. But I was pretty sure it was a combination of anger and shock. To be honest, I didn't want to do that, but I had no choice. I'd had it with Johnny telling me what to do all the time! He'd been doing it all night, and I just couldn't take it anymore. It was getting on my nerves. If he wanted to stand off to the side and be boring, that was his problem. But I wanted to have a good time tonight. And I was gonna do just that.

Kat and I danced with each other and laughed. I looked around me to see Joey doing moves that I never thought he could do. It was really shocking to see ANY of the Ramones dancing, really. Dee Dee and Rosy were doing the robot terribly, but they still seemed to be having fun. Marky was by himself just jamming out with his eyes closed. He was really getting into the music.

"So, uh...I saw whatcha did back there," Kat yelled over the music. "You've sure got guts girl."

"I was just tired of Johnny keeping me away from everything. I like parties, but he doesn't. He didn't even wanna come. He wanted us to go home."

"Oh but that's no fun."

"Exactly! Try telling him that, though." I rolled my eyes. "John's one of the most stubborn men you'll ever meet in your lifetime."

"Well, you did what you had to do. Just talk with him later so he knows you're not mad at him anymore."

"I'm not, but I think that it would be best if we just had our time away from each other for a while. That's part of the reason why I told him I'd stay here in New York while him and the guys were touring and stuff. We just need time to breathe."

"Oh, I understand that. Every relationship needs that, you know. It's normal, don't worry. And I think he'll understand."

"Yeah, maybe."

As the hours passed by, things seemed to get more and more wild. Dee Dee eventually joined the other junkies and did some dope with them while Rosy was with Josephina just admiring everything. They were more of the observant type. Kat and I continued to dance to the music and just have a good time. I was too scared to look back at Johnny, but I'm sure he was scowling his heart out. When wasn't he?

After about fifteen minutes, the music changed. It was Bonnie Tyler's song "Total Eclipse of The Heart".

"Well, I think I'm gonna go sit for a while. My legs starting to cramp from moving around so much," Kat said.

"Okay, well I guess I'll see you later, then." I smiled at her and she walked off. Then suddenly, I felt another person tapping my shoulder behind me...I turned around. "Hey Joey, having fun?"

"Yeah, this party's pretty cool. Wanna dance?" He held out his hand to me. I took it and smiled, and we went further into the center of the crowd of slow dancing people. "Man, I gotta admit, I'm gettin' kinda tired."

"Yeah, me too. But I mean, its alright. Its not everyday that I get to have fun like this." As I was talking, I felt Joey put his hands on my waist. And then, something happened...I don't know why, but it did. I started to blush. WHY WAS I BLUSHING BECAUSE OF JOEY? I tried not to let it show by looking away at something else until my face went back to its normal color. Maybe I had just had one too many drinks. Yeah, that was it. Too much alcohol could do things to you...right?

The entire song, Joey and I looked into eachother's eyes. What the hell was happening here?

. . .

The party finally ended at around 3:30, and everyone was exhausted. All of the guests filed out of the room and went home. Except our group. Joey was passed out on the dirty couch with a beer bottle half full in his hand (Josephina was next to him), Johnny was quietly smoking a cigarette on the other side of the room, Dee Dee and Rosy were making out in a small corner, and Marky and Kat were busy cleaning everything up. I decided that since it didn't look like Johnny wanted to talk to me right now because he was possibly still upset with me, I'd help the other two with cleaning up Kat's apartment.

"Its alright Angela. We got it," Marky said yawning.

"But you guys look so tired! Let me just help a little bit. Why don't you both go sit down, I'll take care of this mess." So I did. I swept the entire floor, threw away all of the trash, took the garbage outside to be collected in the morning, went back inside and wiped off the tables and kitchen counter, took down the decorations, and put them in Kat's closet. After fifteen minutes, I was finally done. Feeling accomplished, I made my way back to the living room to see Marky and Kat asleep next to eachother. I smiled. "Sweet dreams."

I walked over to Johnny who was struggling to stay awake too. I shook him softly, and he stirred for a little while, then opened his eyes slowly to see me standing there. "Hi baby. We can go home now. The place is clean. Come on, lets go home."

He sighed. "Alright, lets take the van." He didn't hold my hand as we walked outside. He didn't say anything to me the whole ride home. It was pretty silent, and it hurt for him to ignore me, but I knew why he was doing it.

"John, look. I was wondering if we could talk-"

"Not now, I'm driving. I don't want any distractions." His eyes were cold as he kept them on the road ahead of us. "We can talk about it when we get home."

After that, we didn't say anything else until we got to his house. But then I saw something. Someone. A woman. She had strawberry-colored hair, and it looked like she was wearing an oversized petticoat. She wore four-inch heels and held her purse daintily. Who was this woman? And what the hell was she doing at our house at nearly four in the morning?

Johnny spotted her too, and his expression changed from bored to shocked. "Oh my god, what is SHE doing here!"

"John..." I looked over at him as he parked the van. "Honey, who is that?"

He hesitated before answering my question. "That's me and Joey's ex-girlfriend, Linda."


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey guys, I've been busy with college stuff so its taking me more and more time to update, but please bear with me I'm sorry :( To make up for the lost time heres a new chapter though :D Enjoy!**

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"Wait a minute...so, you mean to tell me THAT'S Linda?" I pointed to the woman as Johnny and I both got out of the car.

"Yup, that's her alright. I recognize her sense of style anywhere." He closed the door and took my hand. Maybe he wasn't upset anymore. We walked closer to Linda, who had her arms crossed and looked very annoyed. As if she were in the right position to feel that way! I mean come on, its four in the morning. If anything, I should be the one annoyed. And I was, but I was also curious. I wondered what this was about. This better be a good reason, or I'm cursing this bitch out. I don't even care HOW unlady-like I look in front of Johnny.

"Linda, what...what are you doing here?" Johnny glanced at his watch. "Do you know what time it is?!"

"Yes I know what time it is, I'm not that dumb."

"Well you must be because you're still standing here." I glared at her.

Linda scoffed. "John, who is this girl?"

"That's none of your business. You still haven't answered my question. Why are you here?"

The girl looked down and then walked up to Johnny, stroking his face. "I miss you darling. I want you back."

Oh hell no. This was SO not gonna happen right now. I let go of Johnny's hand and pushed her hand away from him, then I stood in front of her, face to face. "Listen, if you think you're gonna get John back, its not gonna happen. Okay? He doesn't love you anymore."

Linda cackled. "And who even are you? Johnny and I have history together."

Johnny sighed and looked away somewhere. I think he was smart enough to understand now that this was no longer a conversation he was involved in. This was solely between me and his ex. He was possibly about to witness a live catfight.

"My name is Angela, for your information. And you know what? You're just mad because I took your sorry ass place in Johnny's life. I'm now his lady, and you can't stand that fact. Well, I've got news for you. As long as I'm still here, no other woman can have him, or they can deal with this." I held up my fist. "That includes you, you desperate whore. Now go away or you'll be sorry!"

Linda looked shocked. "John, are you going to let her talk to me like this?!"

Johnny scratched his head. "Uh...okay, look. Linda, whatever you wanna talk about, cant it wait until later? Its so late its early, and I've had a long day. I just wanna go to sleep."

Linda rolled her eyes. "Fine. But I WILL be back." Before she walked off, she gave me a nice juicy glare, then went on her way. I made sure to keep my eyes on her as she walked off, just in case she decided her dispute with me wasn't over. Then when she was gone, I turned myself back to Johnny.

"Care to explain what that was all about?"

Johnny gave an exasperated sigh. "Baby, I don't know. Can we please just go to sleep? Look." He walked up to me and grabbed my hands. "We can talk when we both wake up again tomorrow. But sweetie, right now I just feel like dropping dead. I'm exhausted. Lets get some sleep." His eyes were pink and glossy with fatigue.

I sighed and nodded, giving him a half-smile. "Okay. Come on." I supported him all the way upstairs and set him down on the bed. I decided that to makeup for the argument we had at the party earlier, I'd help him get ready for bed. So I untied his shoes and took them off, took off his socks and gave him a foot massage, despite the fact that I was really tired, just like him. But I felt I owed it to him, since he kinda had a rough night with the party and everything.

"Oh..."he gave out a little moan of pleasure. "Thank you. That feels wonderful, thanks baby."

I stood up and got on the bed to get behind him to massage his shoulders. Johnny made cute little sounds when I pressed down. "Oh...wow, thank you."

"You're quite welcome." I chuckled and kissed his cheek. "I just didn't want you to stay mad at me for too long. I'm sorry the way I acted before John, its just...I wanted to have fun and I felt like you didn't want me to."

He sighed. "I'm sorry too, sweetie. I just get so protective sometimes. I cant help it, they're just my instincts. I'm just..." he moaned when I hit a knot on his back. The sounds he was making was honestly arousing me, but I didn't want any sex tonight. Neither did he. After this we would go to sleep. "I'm afraid sometimes that I'll lose you if I'm not careful."

"Baby, that wont happen. I'll never get lost. I always know where you are." I brushed his hair back with my hand. "Always." I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Oh I love you John. Please know that. I love you very much, but sometimes I just need space, you know?"

"Yeah, you're right."

We both got into our pajamas and hit the sack. Within five minutes, we were both out cold.

. . .

_After a while of me sleeping, I began to go into dream sequence. The setting was nice. It was sunny and I was walking down a road, when someone apeared in front of me. Joey. "Hey Joey, what are you doing here?"_

_"Oh, I was...lookin' for you, actually."_

_Suddenly my heart started pumping and I walked closer to him. He grabbed my hands._

_"Angela, you should be with me, not Johnny."_

_Why did I know he was going to say that..."But Joey I cant do that, I love him!"_

_"But you love me too."_

_"No." I shook my head. "Not in the same way. We're just friends, Joey. It cant be more than that, and you know it."_

_"Angela." His voice got lower, his mouth closer to mine now. He was so close that the ends of his black hair were now tickling my face. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't have feelings for me. If you can do that, then I'll believe you."_

_I stuttered, tried my best to make some kind of words come out but...I just couldn't. _

_"Exactly. Thats what I thought." _

_I looked away from him, tears in my eyes. "Joey, I mean...I don't love you, but...I don't not have feelings for you. God, I don't know, I'm so confused!"_

_"Kiss me." Joey took off his sunglasses and threw them off to the side. It was rare that anyone saw Joey's eyes because he always shielded them. But this time, his dark brown eyes were digging into my soul, and I couldn't look away...I couldn't do anything. "Just kiss me."_

_It was as if Joey had me under some kind of spell. So without even thinking, I leaned forward and placed my lips on his. His mouth was soft and he kissed me sweetly._

_When our lips parted, he said, "You know you should be with me."_

_"Joey, you fucking traitor!"_

_I turned around to see a furious Johnny walking our way. He walked up to Joey. "What the fuck do you think you're doing with my woman?"_

_"John, she doesn't love you, man."_

_"No! Thats not true, I do love you John." Things were getting crazy. How was I supposed to figure this out...oh god, I never should have kissed Joey. That was a stupid idea._

_. . ._

I woke up with a jolt. My breathing was uneven and Johnny was stirring next to me.

"Angie...honey, whats the matter?" He rubbed his eyes and sat up, a long line on his cheek from sleep.

I couldn't look at him, and when he put his hands on me I flinched.

"Did you have a bad dream or somethin'?" He looked genuinely concerned.

"I...yeah. Its alright John, just go back to sleep, don't worry about it."

"Are you sure? It sounds bad."

"Nah, its..." I looked out the window, the sun beginning to rise. I peered over at the clock, which said 6:23. "Its nothing I cant handle, you know? Its alright, I'll be fine."

Johnny sighed. "Alright. Come on, lets go back to sleep." He gently pulled me down next to him. He must've sensed that I was still awake, so he kissed my shoulder and put his arms around my torso. Johnny's warmth made me feel a bit more easy, but...that dream was going to be hard to shake off. Thankfully, he fell back asleep within a couple of minutes as I heard soft snoring behind me.

I think I understood why I had that dream. Its because even though Joey and I were really close, on a subconscious level I always kind of liked him, even when I didn't know the Ramones personally. I never liked him more than Johnny, but it was always just a small crush on him that I had. It wasn't strong enough to lead to anything though, and certainly not for me to cheat on my soon-to-be fiancee.

But still...I couldn't help but wonder why my mind would bring all of that up in a dream...in the dream Joey and Johnny ended up fighting. I didn't want that to happen again in the real life. They were finally getting along with one another and starting to be sort of friends. The last thing I wanted was to mess that up with all of my selfish needs. But it didn't matter, because I didn't like Joey all that much. He was always more of a brotherly figure to me than a romantic partner...but then, I remembered! Last night at Kat's party...the way he looked at me. We had a moment there that never happened between us before. I think there was something Joey wasn't telling me. or maybe last night he was just a little tipsy. I watched him part of the night, and he'd had quite a few cocktails before he asked me to dance. I didn't drink as much as he did, but I had my fair share as well. So what was really going on here? Well, maybe it was something I shouldn't worry about. I mean, it was just a dream after all...

. . .

_Later on..._

Johnny and I didn't end up waking up until about noon. But it didn't matter, because we were finally well rested and there were no plans for the day, so we were free to do what we wanted today. I was at the stove cooking some eggs and sausage while Johnny sipped on a cup of coffee and waited. He reached into his back pocket and took out a cigarette. That was just something I was going to have to get used to from now on. Smoking was Johnny's new way of coping with things it seemed. He had his lighter out and flicked it on when I said, "John, don't you dare light up that cig. You can do that after breakfast."

Johnny sucked his teeth. "Come on, just one baby."

I pointed the spatula in his direction. "No." I smiled. "Later."

He gave me a half smile and sighed. "Fine, okay." He gulped down the last of his coffee, then licked his lips afterward. "Angie, can I get a refill?"

"John cant you see I'm cooking? Look theres some more over here. Get your lazy butt up and get it."

He laughed. "Jesus, you're a fierce one, aren't ya?" He got up and on his way to pour himself some more coffee he spanked me lightly.

I squeaked and he found that super hilarious. "Hm...I wonder if I should put some poison in these eggs here..." I said playfully.

"Aw now come on, I didn't mean to scare you, but I have to admit..." He put his hands in my back pockets and kissed my neck, giving me goosebumps. "That little sound you made was kinda cute."

My cheeks started blushing and I laughed. "John, sit down."

"Nope. Not until..." He leaned his mouth closer to my ear, his hot breath making my bumps worse. "...you _really_ feed me."

"John William Cummings, get your ass back to the table now!" I said in between fits of hysterical laughter.

Then suddenly we heard the phone ring. Johnny became a little more serious and walked over to pick it up. "Hello? Oh hey Joey, is there something wrong?"

When I heard Joey's name I shivered, my thoughts going back to that dream I had. _Stop it, Angela. Stop worrying about that, its nothing._

I turned back to look at Johnny, and he put his hand on his forehead. "Joey, please tell me you're jokin'...shit."

I walked up to him. "What happened?"

He shushed me so he could listen to Joey on the other line. "Alright. Fuck, alright. Yeah, where is he? Kings County Hospital?"

Oh no. Someone was hurt. When Johnny hung up the phone, his face was pale.

"Baby, who's in the hospital?"

He sighed. "Uh...last night Dee Dee was shot by some drug dealer. Apparently he didn't pay the guy enough for his crack so he shot him."

I put my hand over my mouth, my eyes filling with tears. "Oh my god. Oh no no no. John, we have to go and see him!"

"Its alright Angie, calm down. I know where the hospital is. Let's just pack up our breakfast and eat it in the car or something."

I knew that Johnny never really liked being around his bandmates all of the time, but I knew he cared for them, even if he didn't admit it. I always knew that he was good on the inside. That's why I loved him.

The entire time we were driving in the car I cried. I just hoped that Dee Dee was going to be okay. Johnny grabbed my hand and held it.

"Don't worry, he's gonna be alright," he said. But even he wasn't completely sure of what he was saying. We didn't speak again until we got to the hospital. When we got there, Joey was there. And when I saw him, I didn't flinch, I didn't have any second thoughts, I just rushed over to him and hugged him, crying in his chest.

"Its okay, its alright." He rubbed my back.

"How is he?" I heard Johnny ask.

"They keep sayin' he's like in critical condition or somethin', ya know? So...I don't know. As of now he's still alive but..."

I looked up at Joey, my vision blurry. "Joey, w-wheres Marky?"

"Hes upstairs with Rosy. Come on, lets go meet them up there. We have to take the elevator."

Rosy. I forgot all about her. I didn't even want to begin to imagine what she was going through. Rosy loved that man than I'm sure his wife, Vera, did. It kinda felt odd that Vera wasn't there with Dee Dee because she was out of state, but it occurred to me that trying to deal with Rosy when we got upstairs was going to be more than enough work.

When we got upstairs, Marky and Rosy were sure enough sitting there drinking hospital coffee. Yuck. Rosy had tears streaming down her eyes and she was shaking. Kat was surprisingly there too sitting next to Marky and just looking up at the ceiling. She looked like she was thinking of something. Then they saw us and got up. Rosy walked up to me.

"Angela...I'm so scared. Everything just happened so fast I-"

I hushed her gently. "I know. All we can do is wait and see what'll happen. Lets just hope everything's gonna be okay."

"We've been here since like five in the morning. And Dee Dee still looks so bad." She began to sob. "Angela, I don't know what I'll do if I lose him."

I knew that telling her at this time that she wasn't even Dee Dee's wife would come off as bitchy on my part, but it was the truth. But whatever, it was fine. To each their own.

So we sat together with Kat and Marky and everyone else and just waited. That was all we could do at this point.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I was terrified. We all were. But to be honest, I didn't feel that anyone was as scared about this situation as Johnny was. Not even Rosy, who loved Dee Dee with everything she had. Nobody else could see what I saw, but I saw it very clearly. Johnny was trembling, his hands furiously shaking. He was pacing back and forth, hoping for a miracle. I didn't think anyone expected him to care enough to come see Dee Dee here at the hospital, yet here he was, and looking worried as ever.

It must have been hours that we were waiting. Not doing anything, and doing everything. Eating snacks from the vending machines, crying, talking to ease the tension and worry, drinking the disgusting coffee from the hospital...we did everything. Still there seemed to be no sign of improvement from Dee Dee. I hoped he was going to be okay. I'd run out of tears to cry soon.

Rosy leaned against my shoulder, not crying anymore, but looking completely joyless. She looked like she'd never be happy again.

"You really love that man, don't you?" I asked her as I put an arm around her.

She nodded. "He's my everything. And I know hes married to Vera, but those two just weren't meant to be. I know they weren't. I'm only his mistress, his girl-on-the-side, but I understand him more than she ever will. I know that much."

"But, you never even met Vera before."

"I know, but Dee Dee talks badly about her when hes high on smack. I'm always there when he rambles on about her and him and all their problems."

"Ah, I see." I didn't know what else to say to her after that, so I just kept quiet.

Marky walked towards us and sat down. "So, I just talked to the doctor."

Rosy sat up. "What did he say?"

Everyone turned their attention to Marky now.

"He's still in critical condition, but they were able to get the bullet out his side. So, that's good. But we still need to wait and see what happens. If he stays like this, his lungs might fail, the doctor said. And they'll have to put 'im on life support." Marky choked up. "Basically, he'll be dead but the machines will make it look like hes still alive."

"Oh god," Kat said and put her face in her hands. "Oh god, no..."

Rosy began to sob again, and I comforted her. There was nothing we could do. We just had to wait and see what would happen.

Johnny sat in a corner looking miserable. He wasn't crying like the rest of us but he looked like he was about to. Suddenly, from the elevator, we all saw Josephina running. She didn't bother to greet the rest of us, just made her way to Rosy. She took the crying Rosy from me and led her away somewhere, probably to calm her down and try to talk to her. Joey went with her. Two people were better than one when it came to talking to someone on utter distress, especially in a situation like this.

After about another hour, the doctor came towards all of us, his expression blank. We all gathered around him.

"So, it seems your friend is gonna be alright, but he needs to rest for about two weeks before he can leave. He needs to recover from this. That bullet sliced him up pretty badly."

Rosy smiled and now cried tears of joy in Josephina's arms. The rest of us blew sighs of relief and shed a few tears ourselves. I saw Johnny get up from his corner and join the rest of us as we were hugging each other. Somehow, he seemed a little lost. What I mean by that is, he wasn't used to seeing people be affectionate around one another like this. I mean, him and I were that way towards each other all the time, but to him, seeing people in a group hugging, rejoicing in the way that we were...it seemed foreign to him. Like he never really knew what that was like. He looked like he didn't really fit in. My poor Johnny.

Joey walked over to him and put an arm around him, then I saw his mouth moving. I couldn't hear him, but I was pretty sure he was telling Johnny the good news about Dee Dee. Johnny looked up at him and gave a half-smile. Joey patted him twice on the back and brought Johnny towards the rest of us.

I sighed and grabbed Johnny's hands. "I'm so happy he's gonna be alright."

"Yeah me too. But he's a fucking idiot. This is exactly why I have to keep an eye on him. He almost died, you know?"

"I'm sure he's learned his lesson."

"But it sucks now because he wont be able to come with us on tour. We're goin' on tour next week, Angie. We gotta find another bass player until he gets better."

"Oh shit, I forgot about that." I looked over at Rosy who was now smiling. I was glad she was happy. "Anybody you know who can do backup?"

"Well..." Johnny pulled at the bottom of his green t-shirt. "Maybe we can get our old drummer Tommy to fill in for us. He plays bass, kinda."

I couldn't help but to think in my mind that they just wouldn't sound the same with a different bass player being on tour. The fans would know the difference. I knew I certainly would be able to tell if I were them. "But everyone knows Tommy is the used-to-be-drummer. The fans would find that kind of weird, don't you think?"

"Well, I don't know anyone else besides him who can fill in for Dee Dee."

"I can do it." Kat must have overheard our conversation, because she walked towards us now. "I play bass."

Johnny stared at her for a couple of seconds, then broke out into hysterical laughter. Kat looked at him, her face angry, and I just sighed and rolled my eyes at his behavior.

"What, I can! I'm damn good at it too."

Johnny just kept laughing. I slapped him in the arm. "Ow, what the fuck Angie!"

"Stop it." I looked at him. "Stop laughing, she's serious."

He sighed, still smiling sarcastically. "Katrina, no offense, but you're a woman. This is an all-guy group."

"Oh, I see." She sighed. "Whatever." She walked off and left Johnny there smirking his butt off. He looked over at me, and his expression changed to confusion. "What?"

I had my arms folded. "You know what, John. Don't play that game with me. If she says she can play bass, then why cant she be in the group just until Dee Dee can come back?"

"Honey, because shes a woman. The Ramones are all men. What would the fans think if they saw a woman on stage with us? They'll think she's a groupie."

"Obviously not if they see her playing with the rest of you guys!" I was getting frustrated, so I took a deep breath and calmed down a bit. "Look. Right now isnt really the time to talk about this, so lets just wait until later."

He shrugged. "Okay, fine."

I thought he should give Kat a chance to show him and the rest of the guys what she could do. I'm sure she was really good, and so what if she was a girl? Okay yes, The Ramones were an all-male band but they couldn't have at least one female fill in for them? I didn't think that was asking for TOO much.

"Angela." Joey surprised me with his voice.

"Oh hey." I grabbed his hand out of habit. I was used to holding his hand and touching him a lot. But Johnny was looking at us, so I had to be careful with what I did with Joey. Because even though these two were friends now, Johnny still could get pretty jealous, and I didn't want that. Not to mention that dream I had scared me out of my wits...I shook the memory from my head.

"I'm hungry. You wanna get some food? We've been here for hours, and Dee Dee's probably not gonna wake up for a long time. So we should just go and come here again tomorrow or somethin' to see how he's doing."

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. John, let's get Marky too. Hey, Marky!"

He was having a conversation with Josephina and Rosy when I called him. He excused himself and walked over to us. "Yeah."

"Let's get something to eat. Me, you, Joey and Johnny. I'll go ask the other two girls if they wanna come also."

"Okay, cool."

I went up to Rosy. "Hey, how do you feel?"

"Great, now that I know my Dee Dee's gonna be alright." She gave me a half-smile.

"Are you hungry? Do you wanna come with me and-"

She shook her head. "Nah that's okay. I think I'll stay here and watch over Dee Dee a little more. Then I think I'll go home with Jo."

"Okay, well I'll see you later." I hugged her and Josephina. Then I bumped into Kat, who was just making her way from the bathroom. "What about you, Kat? wanna come eat with us?"

"I can't, I'm going out with my parents later and I gotta get ready. They're taking me to some museum that I really don't wanna go to."

I laughed. "Well, good luck with that. See you soon, okay?"

"Yeah, see you." She waved and got inside the elevator.

So with that, the rest of us left the hospital and made our way to a small diner right over on the corner. Johnny and I didn't even get to eat our breakfast from this morning because we had to come to the hospital. So we were starving. The others, not so much.

We all ordered the same thing. Burgers with fries. I had water with mine, Joey and Marky a chocolate milkshake, and Johnny a pepsi.

"So guys," I said as I stuffed a fry in my mouth. "I wanted to talk to you all about something. Its about who's gonna fill in for Dee Dee when you guys go on tour next week."

"Oh yeah we gotta talk about that," Joey said. "You guys know anybody good we can ask?"

"I thought maybe Tommy could do it, but Angela says that from a fans perspective that would be weird."

"It would be." Marky took a gulp of his milkshake. "We should get someone else."

I smiled to myself. "Mark...did you know that Kat can play bass?"

"Oh god, here she goes..." Johnny rolled his eyes and sighed. Joey looked over at him, then at me.

"Yeah, she's good. But she cant do it, she's a girl. We need a guy."

"Thank you," Johnny said. "Jesus, at least someone understands."

"But why does that matter! I understand that it would be preferred if it were a guy, but why don't you guys just give her a chance?"

Marky sighed. "Angela, the thing is...she's my cousin, my family. I don't want her to get hurt by the fans. It might hurt her feelings. I know she seems really tough and independent, but the truth is, deep down, she's very sensitive, and cares a lot about what other people say about her."

"But Kat's gorgeous! The guys in the audience would love her!"

"Look I got an idea." Joey chewed and swallowed his food some more before talking again. "Let's hold auditions tomorrow and if we don't like any of the people that come, we'll consider Katrina."

"Okay, fair enough." I nodded and continued to eat.

. . .

_The next day..._

Several people came in with their bass guitars, hoping to go on tour with the Ramones. What kind of fan wouldn't want that? But every person that came, the guys said no to. I just laughed to myself as I watched. They were going to understand that I was right all along...sooner or later.

"Damn, that was everyone." Johnny rubbed his temples, stressed out. "Alright, I guess we'll bring in Kat."

Marky looked really nervous for whatever reason. Maybe he was afraid the rest of the guys would judge her or something. Joey had his sunglasses on again, so I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"NEXT!"

Kat came in, looking fabulous as usual, with her bass. She looked confident. Serious. Ready. Then, a couple of seconds later, she began to play "Commando". It was exactly the way Dee Dee played it. The same precision. It was amazing to listen to. Then she played "Pinhead". After that, she stopped, exhaled, and looked up at the guys. I looked over at them too, and all their mouths were open, except Marky, who already knew Kat's potential. But Johnny and Joey stared in amazement and shock.

"Uh..." It took about a minute before Johnny said anymore than that. "Okay, uh...we wouldn't usually do this, but... since we can't find anyone else who seems to be this damn good, you're in. You'll leave with us for Argentina on Monday."

She smiled. "Really? Wow, great! Thanks! I cant wait to tell everyone, oh man." And she left the room.

In unison, Johnny and Joey said, "HOLY SHIT!"

"I told you guys you should give her a chance, didn't I?" I walked over to them, folding my arms and raising an eye brow at them all.

"Alright, alright. We shoulda listened." Johnny waved me off. "We're sorry."

"It's okay. But you should never doubt a woman's instincts. Women are able to see things better than you men can."

"That ain't true, we pay attention to stuff just as much, you know," Joey said and laughed. "Okay well, maybe not all the time, but sometimes."

. . .

Later that night, Johnny and I were at home, and I was busy cooking dinner. "Man, these past two days have been really interesting, haven't they honey?"

He looked up from his newspaper. "Oh yeah, they have. With Dee Dee almost getting himself killed, and us having a girl in the band, what more could happen?"

I waved him off. "Oh stop it. You guys are gonna need some female stability on tour anyways. And besides, its not like its permanent. It's just until Dee Dee recovers from his wound in the hospital."

"Tomorrow's not gonna be any easier for me. I gotta go to my dad's funeral, remember?"

I forgot all about that. "Oh...that's right." I continued to cook the steak in the frying pan. "Did you get yourself a tux yet?"

"Yeah, its upstairs, I have one. Angie...I really would like you to come. I'd feel better if you were there with me."

"John...I don't know if I'd feel comfortable. Your relatives will be there, and I'd just feel awkward. I wasn't even invited to this, you know?"

He got up and stood next to me as I cooked. "_I'm_ inviting you. You don't have to talk to anybody. Just say hi, that's all. Please come?"

As I looked over at him, he seemed very sad. Sad in the way that indicated to me that he was going to have a rough time tomorrow as it was, but it would be more bearable if I was there. I sighed and said, "Alright, I'll come. But I need to search my clothes for something to wear. I cant walk in there with just jeans and a top."

Johnny looked at me for a second, then embraced me in a hug. I couldn't hug back though because I was right by the stove. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, baby." I kissed his shiny brown hair. "Now sit, I'm about to make the plates." I chuckled.

He let go and we both ate in silence. I didn't exactly know how I felt about going to Johnny's father's funeral. I wasn't going to know anyone there. What if they gave me weird stares? I didn't like being looked at by people for too long or else I got uneasy. But I had to do it. I had to do it for Johnny, because I loved him. And I didn't want him to go through tomorrow alone. He would need someone there, besides his mom, to support him. When I went to my own dad's funeral, it was hard, but having Mayra there made it a little better to deal with. So I understood where Johnny was coming from.

After we ate, Johnny said he was tired and wanted to go to sleep. I stayed downstairs in the living room and read one of my books that I brought with me from my old house in Maryland. Then, at around midnight, the phone interrupted me. I got up to get it. "Hello?"

"Oh Angela, good its you. It's me, Joey."

"Hey." Why was I excited to hear his voice? No, no, no. This wasn't right. I shouldn't be feeling this way. "How come you're calling so late?"

"I'm bored, you wanna do somethin'?"

"Joey, do you know what time it is? John's asleep, and if he were up he wouldn't let me go out this late. Not by myself anyways."

"You always do what John tells ya?" He smirked through the phone and I rolled my eyes.

"Joey, stop it. Just stop."

"What I'm just saying. Besides, he's sleepin', right? So he wont even know you're gone."

The truth was, I wanted to go hang out with Joey, but I was afraid that something was going to happen between us. My feelings for Joey never really subsided. And I loved Johnny. I was faithful to Johnny. I didn't want to break that trust we had with each other by doing something with Joey I'd regret. "I don't know..."

"Come on, just for a couple of hours. I'll even drop you off later if ya want."

"But Joey, cant we do this at a reasonable time of day? Like when the sun is out, maybe?"

"I told you, I'm bored. I got nothin' to do. And I wanted to see you." There was something in Joey's voice that made me feel like something else was going on here that I wasn't quite aware of. At least not yet. I finally gave in. "Fine, where do you want me to meet you?"

"Okay, do you know the subway stop over by Court Square?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, meet me there. See ya then."

I hung up the phone, my heart beating out of fear. Not because of Joey necessarily, but the fact that I was sneaking out of my own house like I was still a teenager. But I had to do it this way, because there was no way Johnny would let me go anywhere this time of night, despite the fact that I was twenty-one years old and I could do whatever I wanted. But not with _my_ boyfriend. Oh no, not with Johnny.

So I grabbed my jacket and my keys...and I left.

**Stay tuned everyone! :)**


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

The cold, biting wind blew through my hair as I walked to the place Joey wanted to meet me. I still didn't understand why he and I couldn't just hang out in the daytime. For some reason it just _had_ to be now. I was seriously hoping that Johnny wouldn't wake up for anything. He had his nights where he could sleep and not hear anything, but then there were nights when he'd get up at the slightest sound. If tonight was that kind of night, I was fucked when I got home. Because he'd be there waiting, and very upset. Johnny could become your worst night mare when he was upset, which is why I tried not to aggravate him as much as possible. I liked it when he smiled more. He had a beautiful smile.

I arrived at the meeting spot and waited. What was I doing? I was supposed to be at home still reading, like a good girl. But instead, I was outside in the middle of the night waiting for Joey and only god knew what would happen after that. That's when I suddenly felt a pair of hands on me and I flinched. When I turned around to see who owned those hands, I relaxed a little. "Joey, don't do that please. You scared me."

Joey, tall and a little awkward in the moonlight, stood there chuckling. "Sorry."

We started walking now. We were heading towards the bridge. "So, since you have me hostage, what do you wanna do?"

"I wouldn't think of it as being held hostage, I uh..." He tapped his chin with his fingers. "I'd like to think of it more as a rescue."

I laughed. "A rescue from _what_?"

"From your house, of course. And from Johnny."

"Why would I wanna get away from Johnny?" I knew where this was leading. But still, I played it cool. I wanted Joey to think that I didn't know what was going on. But I knew everything. Oh boy did I know.

"Dontcha ever get sick of 'im? I mean, I know you love him but don't you like to have your space?" Joey put his huge hands in his jacket pockets.

I smiled. "Of course I do. That's why I'm staying here while you guys go on tour. I know you guys can have people come with you on this one, but I'm gonna stay here. Visit Dee Dee in the hospital and keep him company. Get to know New York a little more, you know? It's such a magnificent city, I'd like to know more about it."

"New York has its downsides too, but I guess its alright."

"It cant be as bad as Baltimore. There wasn't _anything_ special about it. Same people, same stores, just...everything was the same. After a while you get sick of it." I breathed in the cold air and exhaled. "But here...there's all kinds of people here! Different places to go to. It's nice to see something like this for a change."

Joey laughed his hearty laugh that I adored so much. That I adored a little too much in that moment. Every time he did that my heart would skip a little beat. I felt so bad about it...what was wrong with me? "Try livin' here your whole life. You'd say the same exact thing. But I guess everyone's experiences are different. I've lived here my whole life, but I guess I still love it. It's home. I'm content here, ya know?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

We walked up to the bridge, looking out at the city lights in the night. It was beautiful. All of it was such a great sight to see. I felt Joey put his arm around me, and for a while we didn't say anything. Just observed everything around us. But I was afraid. I knew that Joey was a little shy, but he wasn't that shy. He knew what he was doing. I still think that in his mind he thought I was clueless. I had to keep it that way. If Joey knew that I was as smart as I was when it came to this whole situation, it would make everything more complicated.

"Hey Angela, uh...I gotta tell you something."

Shit. Here it comes. "Yeah, Joey?"

"Well...I mean, ya know you're one of my best friends, right?"

"Yes. You're one of mine too."

"Well...I don't really know how to say this but...Angela..."

I was shaking. I all of a sudden really wished I was still at home with my book along with my boyfriend. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted Joey and I to joke around like the way we used to, not do this. This was unfamiliar territory. I didn't want him to tell me what he was about to tell me. Because I knew exactly what he was going to say. And I didn't want to know. I didn't want to.

"Angela...I think I'm fallin' in love with you."

"Joey, I-"

"Now listen, I know you're with Johnny. I'm not gonna tell ya to leave him. I know you love him, and I respect that. But..." He looked off into the distance for a couple of seconds, then looked back at me. "I just wanted to tell you how I felt. I don't like keeping stuff inside, it drives me crazy. I just wanted you to know that even though we'll never be together, I'll always be there for you. Whenever you and John have a fallout, I'll be there to keep ya company."

My emotions changed now. I was calmer. "Joey..."

"I just wanted you to know that. And that because of you, you've helped me get over Linda. I was really hurt by what she and Johnny did to me. But...I don't know darlin', you got a special power or somethin'. Somehow I feel like you're the one who even made John and me being friends possible."

I chuckled, a little more comfortable. "No, that was all John. He felt bad about what happened and wanted to talk to you. Well...actually, I had to give him a couple of pep talks about it first before he warmed up to the idea. But I think he really did feel bad and wanted you and him to have a little talk."

"Well, see? That's what I mean. You're amazing, Angela. You really are. In more ways than one."

I could feel my face getting a little hot. "Thanks, Joey. I'm not all that great, but thank you. That means a lot to me."

He smiled at me and took off his sunglasses, just like in my dream. It was then that I realized he was wearing them at night. Joey was literally the only person I knew who did that. He was unique, indeed. "Listen, uh...don't tell John about this, alright?"

"No, no of course not. This stays between us." I smiled, when I noticed his facial expression changed. Joey's beautiful brown eyes were now stuck on mine. And they weren't moving. "What's the matter?"

He bit his lower lip. "Don't tell 'im about this either." Then, Joey put his long fingers on my shoulders, leaned down to my level and laid his mouth on mine. I didn't even push him away, it felt way too good. His lips weren't as good as Johnny's, but I liked the feel of it anyway. It was sweet. He gave me small little pecks on my lips, then leaned in again and really kissed me this time. I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the ends of his wavy black hair on my wrists.

I think the reason why I didn't mind kissing Joey was because for one, he wasn't forceful about it, and also because he and I would still remain friends. Somehow I knew that things wouldn't change between us just because of this. Our friendship was too strong for that. But I was glad he told me how he felt. I think when he said he loved me, he meant it. And he loved me so much that he'd always be a good friend to me. Always there for me no matter what. I would say that Joey was my friend with benefits, but even that was too shallow of an explanation for what we were to eachother.

Joey could _never_ make me feel the way Johnny did, because Johnny was my heart and soul. He was my everything. But I couldn't live my life without Joey, either. I needed him. He was kind of my other half too. He made me complete too. Joey was like the male version of Mayra to me.

"I..." He kissed me once more before I spoke again. "I should be getting back. I'm gonna need all the energy I can get, so I should head back and get some sleep."

"Okay," Joey said just above a whisper. "I'll see ya later. I'm glad we had this talk."

"Me too." I smiled and squeezed his hand, then let go. We said our goodbyes and I hurried back home to Johnny. It didn't take me that long because I sort of ran all the way there. But when I was right in front of my house, I felt relieved again. I opened the door, and all my happiness faded and was now replaced with utter fear. Johnny was awake and sitting on the sofa.

"Angie, I was worried sick! Where were you?"

"I...uh, just wanted to go for a walk." I shut the door and put my jacket away.

Johnny sighed. "Do you know how dangerous it is at night? Especially here? This isnt Maryland, you know."

"I know, I know." I walked up to him and kissed his nose, feeling happy to be back home with him. As much of a good time as I had with Joey, I was glad to finally be home. "I wont do it again, I'm sorry. I was just really curious about the city at night!"

"Well, alright. We can go for a proper walk in the daylight. You should be in bed with me right now."

"I actually am kind of tired now. Lets go to bed. How come you were up anyways?"

"I was thirsty, and I needed to pee." He chuckled.

"Ah, I see."

So Johnny and I walked upstairs together. I got ready for bed while he waited patiently in the room for me. And when we snuggled, it was the best feeling in the world. I didn't think I'd have any weird dreams tonight...but I just hoped we'd be able to get through tomorrow alright. It was going to be a rough day for Johnny, and he needed all the support he could get from me.

Finally, my eyelids closed shut and I drifted off...


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

Johnny was awake before me. I kind of knew he would be. He was anxious about today. I'd woken up and saw him fixing the tuxedo he had on. If it were for a happier occasion, I would've told him that he looked extremely handsome. "Good morning."

"Morning." He gave his tie one last tug, then sighed and sat down in the small chair that was close to the bed, looking off into the distance. I just stared at him, feeling sorry for him. I wished he didn't have to go through something like this. And I knew from personal experience how hard it could be going to a relatives funeral. Because not only do you have to deal with the emotional stress of that person being gone, but you also have to deal with people coming up to you every five seconds and telling you how sorry they are for your loss. Imagine that happening for the entire day...its hell. "How do you feel?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes, then looked at me. "How do ya think I feel Angie?"

"Alright, alright." I put my hands up passively. "No need to get upset."

Johnny pursed his lips together and sat down next to me on the bed. "I'm sorry." He put his arm over my shoulders. "I'm just nervous...and sad. I'm feeling a lot right now, ya know?"

"I know." I laid my head on his shoulder. "But we'll get through it. I promise. We're gonna get through it, John."

He got up from the bed and smoothed out his tux again, then said, "We should go soon. It starts at 10:00. Get yourself ready to leave."

"Okay." I got up and walked to the bathroom.

. . .

The ride to Johnny's old catholic church was silent, besides me being told by him which way to go. I drove this time, and he sat in the passenger seat. The thing was, I didn't have my license yet, but I knew that Johnny wouldn't be in the mood to drive today, so I told him that I could do it if he wanted. Of course, we fought about it. He thought that it would be unsafe for me to drive, even though I assured him that I'd driven about a million times. He still didn't believe me, but finally he gave in and let me drive the van.

When we got there, we found a parking spot in the lot, then got out. My heart started beating anxiously again. I still wasn't sure about this whole thing. Suddenly, Johnny held my hand and brought me closer to him and kissed my forehead.

"It's gonna be alright," he said reassuringly.

"I should be the one telling _you_ that."

"Well, I know you're nervous about this. Like I said, just say hi and that's it. If anyone comes up to you, that is."

When we walked in the church, it was like me reliving my own father's funeral all over again. Especially when I saw Johnny's dad lying dead in that black casket in the front of the room. It was like every single flashback was coming back to me. But no. This wasn't about me. This was about Johnny. I was here to comfort _him_, not think about my own painful memories. Johnny didn't even look up. That pain was seeping back into him again. We sat in the front, right in front of the casket.

I saw a short woman with graying hair make her way to Johnny and hug him. I think it was his mother Estelle.

"I'm glad you could come, sweetheart." She kissed both his cheeks.

"Of course, mom. I had no choice."

"Oh, and who's this?" She directed her attention towards me. I tensed up on the inside.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Angela."

"This is my girlfriend, mom."

Estelle smiled as much as she could. "Oh, well it's nice to meet you dear." She took my hands and squeezed them, then she sat down and didn't say anything else to either of us. Poor woman. Poor Johnny. Poor me. Poor everyone!

I tried to look away from Johnny's father, but I just couldn't. All of this reminded me so much of what I went through last year with my own dad's death. I looked next to me to see Johnny trying to avoid looking at the casket. He looked up at the stained glass windows, trying not to cry. I knew Johnny was only human, but it still scared me a little when he cried. I guess because I was so used to seeing him in a stoic manner. He never let anything get to him emotionally. I've seen him extremely angry, but that first time I saw him cry it shocked me. I guess for me it would always feel that way. I just wasn't used to seeing Johnny shed tears.

A man walked up to the podium and began speaking. He actually resembled Johnny a lot. "Uh, hello everyone. Hopefully it wasn't too much trouble to get everyone here...um, right now, is a time to celebrate a life. The life of Frank Cummings. Frank was my uncle. I loved him, and we shared many moments together."

Oh, so this was Johnny's cousin. Or one of them at least. He told me he had a lot.

"I remember one time, Uncle Frank and I went fishing and...we caught this really huge fish! And my cousin John was with us." I looked over at Johnny who smirked a little, probably remembering what his cousin was talking about. "And I remember the fish being so heavy that once Uncle Frank almost got it on the boat, he actually fell over and we had to help him back into the boat."

There was subdued laughter from the relatives. I managed to smile a little too.

"And I remember John saying to me, 'Chris we gotta get dad outta there come on!' and so we both helped him up." Chris then stopped smiling and grew silent for a couple of seconds. Then he resumed his speech. "I miss my uncle. A lot. I had lots of great memories with him, and I really wish he was still here with us..." He had tears in his eyes. "But, I know that he's alright, and that he's in a place now where he doesn't feel any pain." Chris looked over at the casket with Mr. Cummings laying in there and said goodbye. "Um, at this time...John, would you like to come up here and say a few words?"

Johnny's eyes widened, then he sighed and got up. I watched him walk up to the podium with such pain in his eyes. It was hard for me to look at.

"Um, I'm not really used to saying these kinds of speeches, but I'll do my best." He was quiet for a couple of seconds, then he took a deep breath and began. "My father Frank...he...he was...um, very hard on me when I was growing up. He was very tough on me. To be honest, sometimes I hated that. I remember when I was a kid, I was part of a little league team and...one time I injured myself. I broke my foot. I told that to Frank and he yelled at me saying to go out there and play anyways. It really sucked," he said and laughed a little. "But in a way, I'm glad he was that way with me. My father taught me how to be tough in this world. He taught me the meaning of perseverance. Without him, I wouldn't be who I am." Johnny sighed, then kept going. "My only regret is that I'll never get to see the day when my father tells me that he's proud of me." He began to cry, and for several seconds all you heard was silent sobbing and sniffling coming from him. All I wanted to do was go up there and embrace him, but I knew I couldn't. I had to stay put until he sat back down next to me.

After he composed himself a little, he continued. "I vaguely remember my father telling me once that he was proud, but it was a long time ago. When I uh...got into my group the Ramones, he was actually very angry. Frank never wanted me to get into music. I think in his mind it was a waste of time. We would get into arguments about it a lot. But I think after a while, he kind of accepted that this was what his son wanted to do with his life. So after a while he left me alone. He still never told me he was proud, though. And...now that he's gone, I'll never get to hear him say that. But I hope that wherever he is he's satisfied with me, and...I miss him very much." He looked over at his father. "Pop, I love you. Thank you so much for everything you did for me."

There was some clapping from everyone. I clapped too, tears in my eyes just like everyone else. Johnny sat back down next to me and didn't say anything. I stroked his back, trying to ease a little of the distress he felt. I'd do anything to take this pain away from him. Anything.

The memorial service ended after a few more speeches, then came the burial at the cemetery next door to the church. Johnny told his mother that he didn't want to stay for that.

"Are you sure, John?" Estelle's eyes were red and glistening as she looked at her only son.

"Yeah, mom. I just wanna leave. I cant stand to be here anymore. Take care of everyone, and I'll be back in a few days to say goodbye before I leave to go on tour okay?"

She nodded. "Well alright. I'll see you later then. And it was nice meeting you Angela."

"You too Mrs. Cummings. Take care." I wrapped my arm around Johnny's shoulders and we made our way back to the van. I decided I was going to drive again. I didn't think Johnny had it in him to tell me otherwise anyway.

We didn't speak on the road. I just concentrated on getting us home. I looked over at John who was holding his stomach and leaning slightly forward. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"Oh man, I'm gonna be sick. Angie, get me a bag or somethin'."

"But where-"

"HURRY UP!"

I swerved a little on the road as I searched for and finally found a brown paper bag and gave it to Johnny. He opened it quickly, put his face in it and vomited his guts up.

"Oh no...I knew this would happen." I tried focusing on the road, but with the additional noises in the background, it was difficult.

. . .

_Later on..._

"Come on, let's get you upstairs." I was supporting him all the way until we got to the bedroom. Dealing with the funeral probably emotionally stressed Johnny out so much that he made himself sick. That didn't happen to me, but everyone had different ways of coping with grief. "Alright now, come on let me take your outfit off." I stripped Johnny of everything except his boxers, and made him climb into bed. I pulled the covers up to his chest and rubbed his stomach gently. "It's alright, honey. I'm here." I leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I'm here..."

His breathing was still heavy from all the vomiting he did on our way home. I got up and rushed downstairs to get the bucket from the supply closet and a glass of water, then came back upstairs. "Here, I'm gonna put this bucket right next to the bed, in case you have to throw up but you don't think you'll make it to the bathroom." I sat down on the edge of the bed and propped his head up. His eyes were closed. "I brought you some water, too."

He groaned unpleasantly.

"John, you have to drink some fluids, you're dehydrated. Now come on open your mouth." He turned his head away from me. I sighed. "Sweetheart, please?" He finally turned his head to me and opened his mouth slowly. His lips were really dry. "There we go. Here, take some sips for me." After Johnny took a couple of gulps, I set the glass down on the nightstand and gently laid his head back down on the pillow. "Get some sleep for me, baby. I'll check on you in a little while. Try to get some rest. I'll leave the door open in case you wake up and you need something." I kissed his forehead, stroked his hair a little, and made my way out the room. I looked back to see him sleeping peacefully like an angel.

I smiled, then walked downstairs to make some lunch for myself and watch some TV. I needed to call Mayra too. I haven talked to her in weeks, and her and the others over there are probably wondering how I'm doing. I had to be quiet though because I didn't want to wake up Johnny. Hopefully he'd start to feel better before he had to go on tour.

If both Dee Dee AND him weren't able to go, that would mean Marky, Joey, Kat (who wasn't even really part of the group, just temporary) and some other guitarist who I was sure wouldn't sound nearly as good as Johnny did. That tour would be a fucking disaster. So Johnny at least needed to get better. And soon.

I had to do everything in my power to make that happen.


	32. Chapter 32

**Okay once again I apologize for keeping you all waiting! But enjoy and please review :)**

Chapter Thirty-Two

While Johnny was sleeping I made myself a sandwich and walked over to the phone to dial Mayra's number. It was a couple of rings before she picked up.

"Hello?"

"May? It's me!"

"Angela, girl why haven't you called me! You were supposed to call me like a week ago."

"I'm sorry, I've had a lot going on over here." I took a bite of my sandwich. "I actually haven't even called my mom yet."

"You should do it soon. She's probably worried about you. Well anyway, how's John?"

"He's..." I hesitated before answering her. "He's okay."

"Just okay? Is he alright?"

"To be honest, not really. See the thing is, his dad died last weekend and he's just been going through a lot since then."

"Oh my god...poor thing."

"Yeah, he's been taking it really hard. The funeral was actually today. We got home at about uh..." I looked over at the clock on the wall. "About a half hour ago."

"I see. Where is he now? Is he out?"

"No um, he's actually asleep upstairs. He's not really feeling well."

"Yeah I can imagine. Well give him a kiss on the cheek for me okay?"

"I will." I smiled through the phone. "The rest of the guys are pretty good though, well except Dee Dee."

"Oh no, what happened to _him_?"

"He...got shot by his drug dealer. He's alive, but he's recovering in the hospital."

"Oh my. I sure cant tell Ann that. She'll lose her mind."

"No. No, don't tell her. Oh um, May...I should tell you something else too."

"What?"

"I..." I had to tell Mayra about what happened between me and Joey. She was my best friend and I told her everything. "Last night after John went to bed, Joey called me and asked me if I wanted to hang out with him."

She gasped. "What? Really?"

"Yeah, and at first I didn't want to, but I figured since John wasn't even awake and I was kind of bored, I might as well go hang out with Joey for a while. So I did."

Mayra squealed over the phone. "Oh my god, and then what?"

"Well we talked for a little while and...May would you believe this, he told me he was in LOVE with me!"

Dead silence on the other line, and then..."What?"

"Yeah can you believe that? I expected him to say something like that because of what happened at this party we went to...I'll tell you about that at another time. But anyways, I was still really shocked when he said that. I didn't know what to do, May. And then, he kissed me!"

I didn't hear anything.

"Mayra? Are you still there?"

A couple of seconds more of silence, then she spoke again. "Um...that's cool."

I frowned. "You alright? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just...nothing."

"May, come on tell me what's bugging you-"

"I said nothing!" We were both quiet for a couple of seconds and then she said she had to go.

"But I just got on the phone with you."

"I have to go to the store to get groceries. I'll talk to you later. Bye." The other line disconnected. Just like that. I was going to wonder what was Mayra's problem when I realized the issue...she was in love with Joey. I mean, I always knew that she had a crush on him, but even then, when we both got into the Ramones she claimed Joey as being her "man", even if he really wasn't. Wow, I was such an idiot. Why did I tell her that! I know she was my best friend, but I should've kept my mouth shut. Now I was going to have to figure out a way for her not to continue hating me for the rest of my life.

I couldn't think about that now, though. I had to focus on making Johnny feel better before he and the rest of the band had to go on tour. I was walking to the kitchen to fix myself lunch when I heard the phone ring again. Exasperated, I walked back over to it and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Oh good, it's you." The voice sounded like Kat's. "This is you, right, Angela?"

"Um...yeah. Is this Kat?"

"Yeah. Listen, are you busy?"

My stomach growled right before I spoke. "Kinda. Why?"

"Well, me and the girls wanted to come over for a while and maybe hang out."

I sighed. "Kat I wish I could, but John's sick and I'm taking care of him. He's upstairs sleeping right now, and you guys might wake him up."

"Oh, we'll be quiet, we promise. Come ON hon, ya gotta live a little. Look, we'll be over in thirty minutes, alright?"

"But-" Before I could finish my sentence, she was already gone. I couldn't let them come over! If Johnny woke up, he definitely wouldn't be in a good mood. I wanted to make sure everything was as silent as possible. He needed to rest, if there was ever gonna be any progress of him feeling better by Monday. I walked into the kitchen, finally being able to make myself a sandwich. At least I wouldn't be hungry before everyone arrived.

After about twenty minutes, I did the dishes and waited for everyones arrival. The doorbell was always really loud, so I'd have to look out the window to make sure they already saw me open the door before they can ring it.

My thoughts went back to Joey...the way he kissed me last night...man! I thought that after that little talk we had this little crush would go away. So why wasn't it? I could see his long black hair in my thoughts. His sweet brown eyes, his adorable smile. I wanted to talk to him again. It would be better than having Kat and all the other girls come over. I really didn't want company right now. All I wanted was to see Joey again. I wanted to see his smile, hear his laugh...feel his hands on mine...oh my god, what was I _doing_?

I saw Kat and the rest of the girls walk up to the house, so I quickly opened the door. "Hey guys. John's sleeping, so you really need to be quiet."

"Sure thing, babe." Kat kissed my cheek and tiptoed into the house, along with all the others. Maybe I did need to some time to hang out with other people. I haven't really had a girls day since I was in Maryland with Mayra Ann and Jessica. It's nice to be able to do that again, even though I wish they were here. Especially Mayra. She would love it here in New York.

"So, hows John keeping up?" Rosy asked.

"Well he's asleep right now. I'm gonna go check on him in a little bit."

"Poor guy," Josephina said. "Its not easy losing someone you love."

"He's really been taking it hard. I don't know what else to do...I feel like I've done all I can."

"Angela..." Kat sat on the couch. "The truth is, this is something that he's gonna have to deal with himself. I know you wanna try to help, but with something like this, theres very little that you can do."

"But I just hate to see him in this kind of pain! It breaks my heart. John is already moody enough as it is. This will do nothing but make it worse. I just wanna see him smile more. That's all I ever wanted..." I sighed heavily. "He needs to just be more happy."

Rosy played with her hair. "Oh I agree. John gets too angry all the time. Maybe you guys should have more sex."

I chuckled at that and the rest of them followed. "Oh stop it, I'm sure that's not it."

"Hon, it probably is. Sex calms men down. It relaxes them. And it relaxes women too," Kat said.

I was turning a little red. "I cant believe I'm talking about this with you guys."

"Well, its the truth! When was the last time you both did it?"

Come to think of it now, it really has been a while since Johnny and I made love. "Um...wow I actually don't know. It was before I moved here actually. So yeah, its been at least two weeks."

Kat laughed. "Oh yeah. You both are definitely due for a bedroom appointment."

The girls stayed over for about an hour, and then they left. I had to admit, it was actually kind of nice having them over. I thought they'd be nothing but annoying and loud. After they left, I went upstairs to check on Johnny. He was still sleeping, now on his side. I placed the back of my hand on his forehead. Good, no fever. He was normal temperature.

I sat down on the bed beside him and just watched him. He was definitely out cold. At this rate, he just had to get better. By Monday morning when he left to go on tour with Joey, Marky and Kat, he'd be 100% better. Well, maybe 98%. I guess it all depends.

Suddenly he began to stir. He moved around for a little bit and then slowly opened his eyes.

"Hi honey." I touched his hand and he looked up at me. "How's your stomach?"

"It feels really empty. I feel...worn out."

"Well that's what usually happens after you vomit that much. Do you feel like you wanna eat something?"

He sighed and nodded sleepily. "Okay."

I leaned forward and kissed his forehead sweetly and smiled before going downstairs to make him some soup. It actually wasn't soup, more like a broth. He needed something extremely light in his stomach right now, or else he'd probably throw up again. It only took me about fifteen minutes to make it, and I was careful bringing it upstairs. "Here, I made you this." I set the bowl down on the nightstand and held on to Johnny. "Try to sit up a little, okay?"

He did. Then he just looked at me.

"What's wrong? You okay?"

"I'm fine. I just have an amazing woman, that's all."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just smiled and looked down.

"You're a good person, Angie. You really are. I don't deserve you, ya know. I treat you really bad sometimes, and I know you feel it."

"Yes you do deserve me, baby. I _love_ you. I mean yes, you can probably work on that temper of yours a little bit, but...I fell in love with you for a reason. And it's that I know that you're a good guy on the inside. In fact, I've seen it more than once. I see it all the time, actually." I grabbed the bowl and lifted the spoon in it. "I don't know why you always have this wall around you John. Its like you never wanna let anyone in."

"I let you in."

"I know, and I'm really glad. But there's nothing wrong with being nice to others. You don't get anything out of being mean, you know. It just makes you feel more miserable about yourself."

He looked away. "I know..."

"You and Joey are good friends now. And why? Because you took your ego completely out of it, and you apologized." Of course saying Joey's name made me start thinking of him again. I really didn't wanna be like Johnny's ex-girlfriend Linda. But if this keeps up, that's exactly where I was headed. I refused to be like that whore. I loved Johnny and I didn't wanna hurt him. There really needed to be a way to handle this whole thing with Joey. I thought everything was resolved last night, but all that brought up was more feelings.

As I watched Johnny drink his soup, that was all I could think of. Little flashbacks of Joey would just pop into my head. I couldn't control it. Fuck...

_Joey, you shouldn't have kissed me like that._


End file.
